Single Black Male

When I bought my motorcycle I was visiting my friend and talking to her mother. She wasn’t really in support of my recent purchase, but did conclude with “well … its good you get it out of your system now … because your wife will make you give it up when you get married!”. I chuckled and made some joke about it not being anytime soon … but it did make me think … will I have to give up my motorcycle for Mrs. SBM?

I thought about writing about my motorcycle and one of the possible reasons I might have stop riding (outside of horrific accident, a good friend dying, or me getting bored … as usual), but then it led my mind to think bigger. What kinds of things might my potential life mate ask me to give up? What kind of things will I want her to stop? Do I have any right to ask her to stop popping her gum when around me? Can she really ask me to give up motorcycle riding (we know that’s a no … too many groupies)?

I think some things are ok … but somethings are just asking too much. Here is the official SBM list of acceptable and unacceptable sacrifices to be demanded.

Things you shouldn’t ask your mate to give up:

• Watching TV
• Playing Video Games
• Cooking “too much”
• Riding a motorcycle (if they had it when u met them)
• Working at their current job
• Chewing with their mouth open (let it go)
• Wearing sneakers (don’t change his style)
• Stop wearing pink shirts (you knew he was metro when u met him)
• Going out with their friends
• Model Trains (If he/she is into that)
• Giving you great oral sex
• Always wanting to give you great oral sex
• Bringing their girlfriend over for a threesome (if she is a girl)
• Rubbing your feet then liking in between the cracks
• Giving you head in the car
• Letting you watch the game/your show/victoria’s secret fashion show … in peace

Things your shouldn’t feel bad about asking your mate to give up:

• Smoking in your house
• Coming to your house and dirtying up the place
• Not giving you oral sex (slob on that knob … like corn on the cob)
• Stealing from you
• Lying to you .. all the time … even about what time of day it is (”I said its 10pm and I don’t care if the sun is rising! Don’t you trust me!”)
• Taking out loans in your name and letting them default
• Cheating on you and bringing the people to your house for food after
• Cuming in your mouth Tricking you into doing something when Aunt Flow is visiting
• Smoking crack
• Selling crack
• Pretty much anything related to large quanities of crack or cocaine (I’m from DC … gotta include it)
• Ejaculating in your eye and saying “you see me coming”
• Constantly trying to smell your dick
• Coming into the bedroom with a dildo telling you (the guy) … I want to show you something
• Bringing friends from work for a threesome (if he’s a guy … cause thats gay)
• F*cking your sister … repeatedly
• Pimping hoes … like literally selling women’s body for money
• Taking your car, going out and committing a series of felonies, then picking up a “side person”, have sex in your car, and then bring back the car and deny the funny smell, weird stains, or the warrants for arrest that are now coming in your name.

This is just a little guideline … but I think you get the idea. Some stuff is cool

Someone sent me this as just a random video on youtube that was funny, but I couldn’t help but think of the bigger issue behind the concept.

To those who can’t or don’t care to watch it, here is the story:

- Man comes back from club
- The girlfriend has been sent pictures of her boyfriend talking to another women by her best friend
- In order to dispel her suspicions … she demands her boyfriend to drop his pants and let her smell his dick (operating under the premise it still smells like pussy)

Generally speaking its a bootlegg music video and the general ignorance of the song is the reason I weep for hip hop (although I am still a Webbie fan), but there is a significantly more important question it made me thinkg about …

Does his refusal to let her smell her dick imply that he was guilty?

Generalized further …

Is the defense of “you should trust me” and “I’m mad you asked me that” a valid defense, or does this just mean your guilty?

I’d answer the question … but honestly … I’m not sure

My good friend and fellow blogger Mikki wrote a post recently entitled “Educated Black People SUCK!!”. Regardless to say … I was practically offended just by reading the title … since I consider myself an Educated Black Person and read Stuff Educated Black People Like on the regular. So I was wondering … why do I suck.

Apparently Mikki had been told by some EBP that he preferred other EBPs (defined by having a college degree of some sort) when it came to relationships … and this apparently upset her … higlhy.

I’m not sure how this person came across, but I can’t help but play devil’s advocate.

I can’t say a bachelor’s degree is a hard set requirement for anyone I marry or date seriously, but I will say its pretty durn close. Doesn’t have to be a bachelor’s, doesn’t have to be from any particular school, just has to be something from somewhere … or you should be in school working on one. If you don’t have one, there is going to have to be something about your personality or motivation to overcompensate … or just a good reason or story explaining why it just wasn’t/isn’t a priority.

*disclaimer*: I don’t really agree with the definition of EBP meaning a person with a degree … but Mikki set that definition. Personally … you can be educated and without degree … In my opinion.

I know I might catch hell for this … but if I was afraid of that … I wouldn’t have a blog!

So … in response to Mikki … here are the:

Top 3 Reasons For an EBP to date an EBP

3. Earning Potential

One major concern of most (especially women) is the earning potential of their potential mate. It is no secret I am not accepting of the stay at home housewife, so the earning potential of the future mother of my children is somewhat important. There are plenty of studies and statistics showing the average person with a degree will earn more money than someone without one. There are plenty of people who have become extremely successful without a degree … but I feel like they are the exception … not the norm.

2. Similar Experiences

For me … college was an extreme growing experience. I matured more, learned more, experienced more new things, and found out more about myself in those few years than any other period of my life. It comes up a lot for me in conversations (especially since I’m in a Fraternity too … the best one ever at that … 06) … so I could see it coming up with the person I see every day but never experienced it. I don’t want to feel like I have to duck around the topic and not bring it up … but I can see it happening … especially if you hate all degreed black people … like some.

1. Equality in the Relationship

With something like this … it was hard picking a #1 because I haven’t had to think about it in depth before, but I think this could be the biggest reason. For anyone without a degree, I would need to know why you thought going to school just wasn’t important enough. Was it because your mom died and you had to work to take care of your brother? Was it because you already had a small business that was in the black and decided to educate in some other method? Was it because you have a problem with core of the American Education System and your removal from it is a boycott of something you just couldn’t support? Or are you just being lazy and “don’t feel like it”?

If I decide to be with you I am obviously happy with you flaws and all … but I don’t think I could avoid never thinking about why you didn’t go to school and why I could do it and you can’t and won’t … assuming there weren’t extenuating circumstances. I know this same inequality could exist if I have a Harvard PhD and she has a associates from the county community college … but I guess I’m just not that bourgeoise.

Conclusion … Couldn’t help but write a response. As I repeat … It is not a hard set requirement for me that you have a college degree to be my wife … but best believe if you don’t … I want to know everything behind why.

“He’s got on a pink shirt … He’s Gay”
“He wouldn’t buy me a drink at the bar … He’s Gay”
“He said he rather see ‘the guys’ than me … He’s Gay”
“He said the word ‘toiletries’ … He’s Gay”
“He didn’t want none of this p*ssy … He’s Gay”

I know the whole brother’s on the Down Low got women scared … but damn … this is getting out of control. I hear a little too often girls claiming that a guy is gay off some bullsh*t. Maybe he just doesn’t want you … maybe he is a little metrosexual (something I can’t support … no matter how much my friend likes his pink polo) … or maybe he’s a Kappa … but why must he be gay.

This was inspired by one of my few female acquaintances … here our convo.

*She starts*: My friend was dating this guy for like 2 years. He gave her a promise ring and told her he was going to marry her after she graduated college. We all thought they were a great couple.

*She continues*: Then she graduated … they continued dating for a few months … but no wedding. She tried to move in with him … but he wasn’t having it … then all of a sudden … he dumped her with no reason.

*I ask*: Really … he didn’t give any reason.

*She replies*: Some BS about how she was “needy” and unmotivated and he wanted to advance his career and needed a “go-getter”.

*I respond*: Uhh … sounds like a valid reason. Hell … I feel him. He had a change of heart. He was a lil mean about it … but sounds like a real reason.

*She says while snapping neck*: Uh uh … now he is talks about chilling with his “buddies” all the time. That n*gga is gay!!!

*I exclaim*: WTF … how is he gay! Ya’ll just some salty ass females.

*She concludes*: Naw … he likes to go out with his boys … he’s gay.

I’ve read a post about a guy being labeled “gay” because he used the word “toiletries” and I have heard this often unwarranted accusation time and time again … especially from salty women when hey don’t get the particular d*ck they are so desperately searching for.

What would I look like if I said ever girl that rejected me was gay?!?! While the “Billy-Dee-like” game is highly effective … its not 100%. Your boy SBM does catch a no every couple of weeks. So … are all these chicks gay? If she likes sports … is she gay? If she has a motorcycle … is she gay? Hell … just cause she experimented in college after having too much tequila … is she gay (for a guy the answer is yes though … I know … those pesky double standards).

I’ve never faced this accusation (apparently my best [female] friend thinks I’m too hard because I hate on pink polo’s), but I have friends who have had this salem witch hunt like persecution thrown upon them, while knowing that they just didn’t like the girl or just got finished smashing her best friend the night before. Its like calling rape on a guy … its just wrong.

So I beg of you rejected, dejected, salty, homophobic, catty, and just-got-nothing-better-to -do-with-my-time-because -no-man-wants-to-sleep-with-me women … STOP IT!

I have admitted my love for Jia of Jia TV a long time ago, but I figured I would share a video that I thought was funny … in order to keep things light and show that its not always serious with me.

Honestly … if I was given the offer … I would take it without much hesitation. I’m not lazy, but damn if the extra money and good p*ssy wouldn’t help keep me from losing my sanity.