I grew up in a very feminist based household where I was told to “suck it up” and “don’t ever let a man run your life”. But I went through university got my BA degree in Nursing, married the love of my life and am now a stay at home wife. What do I do? Just what you might think

- Clean
- Cook
- Make

*Clean
I clean the house every day. I do different rooms on different days of the week. I do Laundry twice a week or three times the odd week (my husband is a steel grinder). I do the garbage and the recycling. By the time you sweep, mop, dust, clean car, make bed, wash kitchen surfaces, vacuum, pick up laundry/do laundry, pull weeds/water plants, feed pets, walk dog and organize; 8 hours can pass easily!

*Cook
I take my bike to the farmers market Saturday mornings during the summer for fresh vegetables or for herb seeds and supplies. And I walk to the grocery store on Wednesdays for the rest of the grouches. I get up early (6:40am) to make breakfast and pack him a good lunch. By 5:00pm I’m preparing dinner for when my husband gets home.

*Make
All of the quilts, drapes, pillow cases, shower curtain and even some of our kitchen tee towels I made. I enjoy painting a lot and have created some of my favorite pieces for my husband while he’s away at work.

I love being a stay at home wife because it suits me. Don’t get me wrong it is not for everyone. I’m not shy. I just enjoy the quite time and being able to read and do what I love It has it’s stresses but it is not stressful on my marriage like a lot of “cubicle jobs”.

My university education was not wasted in any sense. It gives me the option to work if I ever choose so (not likely) and I met a lot of good people and learned a lot about life, society, and also about the subjects that I took by attending university.

Being a house wife is who I am and I wouldn’t change that for the world!

I was a stay at home wife with out kids for a while. Not by choice, we moved to another part of the country and I really didn’t do much research before moving about my field (my oversight). It took me a long, long time to find a job without a local network or an understanding of how to break into the field in this new area.

I enjoyed the break for a little while, keeping the house clean, planting a garden, cooking great meals, reading books, learning some new hobbies. It’s true, most people could find things to do if they didn’t have to work.

But it didn’t take long for me to grow depressed, and it really took a toll on my self-esteem. I felt dependent and stifled and useless. Even though money was not an issue, I felt like I wasn’t contributing, and that it changed the dynamics of the relationship. What was fun became a chore, and I began to resent that my husband expected me to take care of everything, because after all, I was home all day. I think that had I not eventually found a good job, we’d have ended up splitting up. And even though we’ve worked on it, the memories of the those negative feelings are still there.

I’m not using my experience as a judgment of others. I think that people should do what is best for them and the rest of us need to butt out. Unless we’re paying their bills, we have nothing to say about how they live their lives. We all have many talents to contribute to the world beyond a 9-to-5 gig making money for someone else.

I do point this out because I fear that often women underestimate the impact financial status has on the marriage and on their own self-esteem. It’s easy to buy the romantic idea of happily ever after that will come when you quit your job to care for your home and family. But it often tips the power balance and that leads to so many other problems. My best advice for a woman who wants to stay home is to have several serious conversations with her husband before making the decision, and find out what the expectations really are on both sides. And of course make sure you’ve got at least 6 months pay saved up to deal with anything that might come up.

PREACH!

And Mikki: I hear your argument if you and your man are comfortable on his salary, extra money from the wife could produce unncessary spending. But, in this day and age, that extra salary could always go to RETIREMENT. We don’t know what the outcome of the presidential election will be, but having money when you get old is a big issue. Thinking only about the luxury of the presence could really kill your future.

Also, what if your spouse dies? In that scenario, there’s no alimony for you to live off of and then you will have to re-enter the job market after X years of staying at home to “clean”. How exactly would an employer view that? The stay-at-home mom may have a better chance of getting employed in that situation b/c she didn’t stay home and do nothing.

I understand women staying at home to raise kids. Raising kids is an important job and for some families the best way to do it is with one spouse at home. Staying home to write the book or get the master’s is also cool. It’s just the stay at home wife thing that I don’t understand.