Feb
29
2008
Moving On …
Posted by: SBM in Rantings, tags: debate, discusion, esp, Men, moving on, reading minds, Relationships, stuff, thoughts, WomenOver the past 3 days, been a lot of good back and forth and I think I can officially call The Comeback Girl my sister blog. Its been fun, but I can’t keep up with all of the comments and this is just to much.
Been some good comments and posts in response. I feel like there have been some really intellectual and eloquent statements, but I’m just going to end my participation with some general thoughts … but everyone else feel free to hate me, love me, or just yell at me.
- Some women are just too demanding in my opinion and nothing is going to change them. If they need someone to open their car door, tie their shoes, pay for everything you want, and knock out your rent … I respect that … we just need to remain friends or cut buddies then.
- Communication of your wants and needs are key to the success of a relationship. Guys need to be open about hearing what there girl wants and telling her what you need. Women, you need to realize we can’t read minds, so just say (in a positive constructive tone) what the problem is, and give us a chance to address it. If we don’t, then you have all rights to bounce or complain.
- I will never agree with certain calling rules I have read over the past few days. I do believe in calling, and I will do it and enjoy it, but I refuse to have anyone complain to me if she is not putting in due diligence to call me (at least after “courting”).
- Being busy doesn’t mean I’m not interested. Being busy means I’m busy. If I do nothing with my life and I use the excuse all the time thats one thing … but if I miss Tuesday’s call because the client had some pressing concerns … that me being busy.
- Some of the views I have heard are extremely one sided. At one point I was almost convinced some women thought they needed to do nothing in the relationship except be there to answer their phone. One thing I have not heard at all is what is the woman’s role in things. What is she responsible for? What does she need to do to make the relationship work and prosper?
I think thats it for now. Maybe More later.
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February 29th, 2008 at 7:12 pm
I def don’t agree with certain calling rules. For me it’s just awkward.
February 29th, 2008 at 9:46 pm
i agree with B, hey how old are u if i may query and nice blog and chk this out pls. would love you comment a penchant 4 commitment
March 1st, 2008 at 7:39 am
SBM women are just born selfish its in their DNA. They want what they want because when they were little girls most of them were pampered..So they figure all they gotta do in a relationship is look cute and fuck their man right..WRONG…But those are just the young ones..They eventually grow out of it and become Selectively SELFISH…lol
March 1st, 2008 at 9:21 pm
I want ask your permission to mention your blog in my own.
March 2nd, 2008 at 4:20 pm
I read your blog all the time and I love your writings, but I have to adamantly disagree with your post. I am not, nor do I claim to represent the thoughts and opinions of women as a whole. I can only speak from my own personal experience, and the women which I’m surrounded. Growing up, I was anything but pampered. I didn’t have the best relationship models growing up…ok, they were pretty damn bad. It’s from those experiences and others which lead me to say, “I know what NOT to do in a relationship.” Do I want to be honored and respected?-ABSOLUTELY!!! But that should also be reciprocated. I’m not saying that we have to be equals (I know I’m gonnna get some flack for that) but I feel as a mature adult woman, I know what my role is in a relationship. I don’t expect my man to read my mind, as I shouldn’t be expected to be able to read his. A lot of the things that are complained about are not gender specific. I have no issue calling a man and being the one to initiate communication, but as soon as I see that I’m the only one, you better believe that will cease. Overall, treat me like the lady that I am, and I will treat you like the King that you rightfully are.
March 2nd, 2008 at 7:06 pm
@Brittany: Rules are too much. Everyone should just be focused on keeping the other happy.
@RawDawg: I’m in my mid 20’s. Thanks for reading.
@Mr Slish: Truer words were never spoken. Need to take up genetic engineering just so my children’s children don’s have to endure the pain.
@YoungBelizean: You don’t have to ask permission. Just be gentle … lol.
@Miss: We’ve talked a lot about what it means to “treat you like a lady”, but what kind of things do you feel are needed to make him feel like a real King?
March 2nd, 2008 at 7:24 pm
lol don’t worry. Well it is now posted
March 2nd, 2008 at 8:07 pm
@Mr Slish: Truer words were never spoken. Need to take up genetic engineering just so my children’s children don’s have to endure the pain.
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That is BS and you know it SBM!!! This conversation has gotten so counterproductive it is a little tiring. More so when people come in at the tail end of the discussion to take us back to the VERY beginning.
Which is why I agree with Miss. Further what is wrong with thinking high enough of yourself to want to be treated well. (This is where most of you men will stop reading and misinterpret what I’ve written to be onesidedand selfish)
AND. the mature woman knows what the word reciprocity is. I mean the law of attraction (which has nothing to do with romance) punishes people who are always on the take. I don’t think I would even be able to sleep at night. Knowing that I’m just in a relationship to be pampered and called-with no return of affection and the things you do when you love someone.
If all of this jadedness serves you than rock on. if it doesn’t or isn’t I think its time to change your perspective.
March 2nd, 2008 at 8:40 pm
*sigh*
@Comeback: I’m not jaded. There are several people here advocating equality and the abandonment of the one-sided and archaic traditional practices. I think you have heard from several men with good and earnest intentions of treating a woman well while respecting her independence … but you continue to call us jaded and make unrealistic demands.
You have claimed that a man can never be too busy to call.
You have said that missing one day out of a week for calling and substituting with a text message is simply unreasonable.
You have stated that if your car door isn’t opened, then the date is over.
I even consulted several other females to see if your “rules” and “needs” were reasonable. Sad to say none of them agreed with more than 1 of them (most none).
In addition, you have continually ignored my requests to state what a female must do in the relationship, while I have provided a wealth of acceptable and unacceptable examples. While quick to say what us men “must” do, I have absolutely no idea what is required of the female.
Thanks to Young Belizean for attempting to answer my question. I’m going through your post now.
March 2nd, 2008 at 8:44 pm
SBM don’t you go to bed? I thought I could sneak this post in.
March 2nd, 2008 at 8:49 pm
Again more overstatements. I did NOT say the date was over if my door wasn’t opened. I said “points lost for the brotha man team” did I not?
I stand behind my “never too busy”. Because its also used as an excuse. When an ex calls and I finally decide to pick the phone up, and he asks “Why didn’t you call me back”, take a WILD WILD gander at my respose!!!!!
Its rarely legtimate in the world of voicemail and cell phones. If you are with a client a 1 minute phone call of: “hey I’m with a client” is VERY VERY sufficient. This is the man’s last “get out of jail for free card” and Comeback Girl and buying it SORRY.
What requests have you asked about what a woman must do? I think over the course of my blog I’ve talked about ways a woman can reciprocate or ways in which I do. I think they call that selective reading. Not sure.
March 2nd, 2008 at 9:39 pm
@Comeback
Please … its early as hell.
I haven’t read every single post on your site, when I came into the blogging world, you had already been in it for awhile, and the topic of your posts vary, so I do selectively read … but I can’t think of a single post really stating nice things you have done. I think there was one post about a costume or outfit being worn, but thats all I can recall.
But I will say I have found out what makes you questions a man’s heterosexuality, what can earn an unanswered invitation, and the various ways we f*ck up.
Even now … still … I get nothing!
One thing I can say from all the posts and comments, You have never talked about calling any of your men.
Do you even call “O” everyday?
March 2nd, 2008 at 10:38 pm
Since most of our back and forth has been about the phone. WHICH YOU STARTED. To be honest I am not a fan of the phone. I work with them everyday. straight POTS to VOIP, so I hate them generally. And so if I meet men with the same hate for phones then we are just generally fy.3ked. I also am a more face to face girl. I’m not one to stay hugged up on Ma bell.
So i guess the round about answer to your question is no I don’t and no I do not.
March 2nd, 2008 at 10:39 pm
but i will return a phone call with a few exceptions that I am working through. Not returning calls is rude. So I do do that.
March 2nd, 2008 at 10:55 pm
@Comeback:
I’m sorry, but this is utterly ridiculous. You demand daily phone calls, but hate phones and don’t feel any need to call him.
This is the true definition of one-sided and demanding. Sorry to tell you.
Poor “O” … everyone deserves a phone call.
March 2nd, 2008 at 11:12 pm
Demand is a harsh word. I wouldn’t say I demand. At this point its an expectation. And we are also are a thousand miles apart until April so expectations change with the state of a relationship. When he lived around the corner or we saw each other almost everyday-the daily phone call wasn’t really necessary.
March 2nd, 2008 at 11:19 pm
Miss summed it up nicely with these words: “…treat me like the lady that I am, and I will treat you like the King that you rightfully are.”
March 2nd, 2008 at 11:26 pm
@Comeback: I’m sorry, but its obviously one sided. And stop backtracking. Demand is the perfect word here. He missed a call one day, and you thought it necessary to write about and include the now infamous saying of “If he has time to use the bathroom, he has time to call me”. We can say you “require” a call everyday and will cause hell if you don’t get it.
And the fact that he is a thousand miles away means that you should pick up the phone and call him. Plus he is doing his residency for goodness sake. If a life gets saved because he texted instead of calling … well … let it go.
@Sheila: I agree with Miss … its just that after the past few days I’m just not sure what that means for the man and few people can seem to tell me.
March 2nd, 2008 at 11:31 pm
Didn’t I title this “Moving On”? I should have locked the comments!
March 3rd, 2008 at 7:49 am
Didn’t I title this “Moving On”? I should have locked the comments!
SBM | Mar 2, 2008 | Reply
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so because you say “moving on” that means no one else can write anything else? intereseting