I’ve never been afraid of dropping hints about the type of women I like. A few times I’ve made mention of my love for women older than me. One of my commenter’s, Tiffany, asked me to elaborate on this … so here is my investigation. Young women need not apply!
Before I start, I should clarify “older woman”. For this argument, lets look at 29 and older. This actually cuts out a few years that are older than me, but it will be easier to make my point with this range. Personally, I haven’t really dated anyone under 25 in awhile, but usually I am in the upper 20’s, but went all the way to the upper 30’s once. And I dealt with plenty of young 20 somethings in college … so I’ve run the range. I don’t want people to think I’m some young guy in his mid 20’s looking for 50+ women to take care of me.
Lets examine a couple of the major age groups, until we finally work our way up to those beautiful older women.
18-23 Women
Often in college or recently out of high school. She doesn’t know what she wants in life often and is still discovering herself. Sometimes she is lively, fully of energy, and looking to explore and see new things. She can be so much fun.
But … she is often immature and childish. Because she is discovering herself, he sense of self may be lacking. She doesn’t know what she wants, you can never read her, and she loves to play games. She loves to play games. She consults her “girlfriends” on everything, she is self consumed, and puts little value in the qualities that make a “good man”. She often wants someone to spoil her without her having to give anything in the relationship. Poor and misguided.
Here you will find women who love the asshole, the thug, and the wannabe gangster. Earning potential, manners, and acts of romance aren’t important … she is at her most superficial.
24 – 28
She has now realized what it actually takes to make a Good Man. She has some sense now … the superficialness of her younger years is starting to melt away, she wants a good boyfriend/husband who will treat her like the “Queen” she is. She is becoming independent too. She works, earns her own money, and finally isn’t dependent on other people in her life. She needs someone to complete her.
But she knows that “Men aint sh*t” and there are no good men left. She says she keeps meeting assholes (the same ones she used to like), the good men are all taken, and all the good men that are available … want to stay available and don’t want a relationship. She can be a little selfish at times, wanting the chivalry of the 50’s along with her newfound independence.
She is often in desperate need of introspection. She comlains there are no good men, but is usually not ready to handle the type of guys she wants. Its a shame.
29 & Up
The needed introspection has usually occurred. She has come to terms with her own inadequacies and has finally thrown away the 3 page list of things her man must have. She finally knows whats important and has learned that she will attract someone who she is “ready” to handle. She also has learned to stop being selfish, she realizes she can’t just demand, demand, and demand some more … without giving back to her man in explicit and blatant ways … and expect it to work out. She is comfortable with herself, her body, and her sense of self-being.
She is confident, but not arrogant. Giving, but not a push over. Opinionated, but not a know-it-all. She is balanced.
Hopefully my description said it all … but there are just a few major things that come with having enough time to know yourself within the grand scheme of the world. The older woman is comfortable with herself and knows herself. For some reason, this means she knows how to treat a man. She isn’t just letting herself being walked over or chasing after guys like some desperate sex starved woman … but has balance in her life. Young girls are just to immature and selfish … sorry.
I definitely “hear” where you are coming from, but like a lot of things in life…they’re are exceptions to every rule, generalization, and etc.
At the same time, you can’t help who and what you are attracted too.
Bruh…I wish I knew all this shit when I was your age. Would have saved me a whole lot of heartache…lol learned my lessons the hard way…
You have some interesting insight. Probably a curse at the same time. You see right through the female bullshit don’t you. Kinda makes it hard to find your future when you’ve already seen it.
The Force is strong in you SBM. Make sure it doesn’t keep you from finding your ONE…
I realize that people like catagories. But many women in every phase of their life go through these all that you attribute to age.
I think people fail at dating and relationships (20-50+) because they don’t know who they are and what they want. Introspection also has no monopoly on age. I don’t think you wake up at 30 and BAM happy birthday -”YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE”. Its probably why none of us die at the same age-we have alot to learn all the time about who we are and who fits our needs-and conversely what we can offer other people.
People get divorced everyday (across all age groups) because they’re making those inner discoveries.
And sadly I know many older people (most in my family) who live very on the surface. They never ask questions of themeselves or more importantly other people.
The one’s who do the inner work to me live the most deliciously.
@YBL: With a lot of topics its too hard to handle all of the exceptions. Reading your blog as shown you have an understanding of things that trumps most women in your age group. To make things easy, gotta stick with “generalities”.
@MrSlish: Lol … you have a point. Maybe I should put the blinders on for just a lil and let things happen … cause now I feel like I got 20/20 when it comes to women.
@Comeback: I whole heartedly agree. There is not 100% correlation between age and this self discovery. You have older women who have yet to reach it, and 18 year olds with wisdom well past their years. When it comes to dating, I like that level of maturity. Honestly though, most girls I date wall into the 25-28 range, but I’ve noticed a few things … and age is a “decent” indicator.
@MrSlish: Lol … you have a point. Maybe I should put the blinders on for just a lil and let things happen … cause now I feel like I got 20/20 when it comes to women.
———
give me a break. If your egg basket/age theory makes you feel triumphant over who and what women are from 20-50 you have more to learn than you think. Women are the way they are because of EXPERIENCES and PERSPECTIVE. And you “see” the person that you are ready to date/marry/love because you are READY for that person.
The question begs since you seem to have us women figured out: why are you still single? And don’t give me that I’m picky stuff. DC/MD/VA metro area hails some of the baddest/finest/richest/accomplished/self-discovered black women in the country 25-55.
So what’s YOUR problem?
If you’re a demanding selfish insecure person…does that really change because you are two/three years older?
I agree with The Come Back Girl. It has more to do with experience (which can come with age, but not necessarily) and perspective.
@Comeback Girl, if you don’t mind sharing how old are you??
@SBM: Thanks for fleshing out your thought more on this older woman thang.
I think the one thing I am now realizing is that in my 20’s I didn’t know shit. I mean REALLY, I didn’t. I thought I knew a little something, with my 2 degrees and my little condo and my VW Jetta but I really didn’t. Your twenties are your training ground for the rest of your life. I had to experience some things, f*ck up a few times, get a backbone. Now I really feel like I’m coming into my own. I’m comfortable in my own skin, I’m less likely to go along with the crowd (we run in packs when you are younger) and a lot more likely to tell someone to kiss my ass and not regret it later.
This isn’t to say you can’t do/feel these things as a younger women but I think as you get older the pressure to conform more lessens and you learn to think more critically and independently.
I liked my 20s quite a bit, but I LOVE my 30s…it’s all that and a bag of chips!
@ Tiffany I am 32 (33 on April 23). And I agree about your 20s. I particularly was dumber tham dumb-particularly about people. And I further feel that it was kind of like a baptism by fire. I also had a Jetta (it was my first “real” car. And I really thought I was doin’ big THANGS. And I also thought I knew it all.
I realize I didn’t know much. It was all.
theory. Stuff that sounded good about being grown. I knew even less about men and relationships. I most def. would not have dated me at 23.
And now I am finally coming into my own. I feel freer. And I look forward to more wisdom coming with age.
i also agree with opintionated diva.
When describing that 18-23 bracket i’m pleased to see you use that key word “often” because it doesn’t apply to all women in that age range…mostly, but not all in my experience.
The older woman thing is right on though, i’ve dated several over the past few years and I must say it’s quite refreshing and hard to “step back” to , however there are some negatives to being with an older woman at times.
These include often times a desire (by them) to want to move things at an accelerated pace in the relationship instead of letting them flow and develop organically, also possibly a higher probability of a child/children in the mix which can lead to issues in itself (baby Daddy, being the male role-model, etc).
Not to mention gaining trust will take more often a significant amount of more time/effort on your part. Not saying that it’s bad, but the baggage of prior relationships is more likely to factor into many areas of the relationship, specifically trust.
@CBG: I’ll be 35 in June.
@B. Price: I would agree with you that there a FEW negatives (lol) with dating older women but I can recall in my 20’s running up on many a young man with a kid, too. I don’t have children so I don’t have that type of drama
As far as accelerating the tempo of a relationship, I’ve been quilty as charged. I want to be married and thus, don’t want to waste my time with some brother who is on some BS. I’d just rather he ask me if I’d like to get down and leave it at that. Hell, I might just say yes, but I’m real with mine like that. Every chick isn’t like that. I’m still managing that patience thing, but I struggled with that when I was younger too so I’m still growing in that area. But I’m learning to relax and go with the flow. Advantage: experience.
Funny thing is I prefer older men for the very same reasons. But when I start thinking about a future life partner, an older man doesn’t seem so appealing. However the main attraction for me is their comfort in being who they are and their knowledge of being a gentleman (in every sense of the word). Guess that comes with life experience, so it’s no wonder that the [most of] men my age are not there yet. BTW- I just turned 27.
@Comeback: Why did you take my one joking comment and expand on that? If you read, it was sandwhiched by two comments explaining how I have to generalize, but can’t write a novel listing all of the exceptions. Why do you hate me … What did I do?
But as I said, your right. Age does not gauruntee the level of maturity and self understanding I’m attracted to, but its a lot more likely to happen to a 31 year old than a 22 year old.
@Opinionated Diva: A lot of selfish people will always remain selfish, and some people are too stubborn to grow. Luckily, I find that most people grow over time, so while there are mature and great young women and childish older women … I don’t think they are the norm.
@Tiffany & Comeback: Both of your stories sound exactly what I’m talking about. In your 20’s, you were invincible, untouchable, with a skewed sense of self, but as time passed you grew and matured making into the self aware and beautiful women that you are now. Even I can’t wait until I’ve gone on my own “trial by fire” and emerge a better man.
@BPrice: Your definitely right about the negatives. I didn’t even mention them, but those are some of the ones I come across often and they are significant hinderances.
@Dark & Stormy: The older guy thing is so common for women, that I think I may have just swapped man for woman and put it in my head. The one big negative for me that is often a positive for women is the desire or “expediting” of a relationship. I move slow becuase its hard for me to trust others and I want to make sure your the one I want to spend that much time with. Sometimes thats a serious serious turn off to older women.
Why do you hate me … What did I do?
I think you missed your calling in HOLLYWOOD. LOL Aint nobody hatin’ its just you are OHHHH so convicted. With much less proof in the chocolate pudding. I mean for all the lists, objectives, narratives–I’m just saying all that should have some time of ROI(if I can throw some of ANTI’s financial comparisons in there.) Some home run, slam dunk in the love catagory.
MAKE ME A BELIEVER.
You should let me fix you up!!! I am a frustrated matchmaker.
@Comeback: Lol … I’m not that bad. I couldn’t make it in Hollywood … I’m shy.
I don’t claim to be a relationship expert. I believe my “About Me” page describes my personal need for this site. I have hinted at a few of the reasons behind the “S” on my chest.
Please hook fix me up … would love to see what kind of girl you would bring to me since I think you know me well at this point, and we live 30 minutes from each other.
Still a shame it won’t work between me & you … coulda been lovely … but damned that car door … LOL.
SBM, you’re a wise one.
I won’t address the other age ranges.
When you’re over 30, your tolerance for BS is nil and yes, you do know what you want…what you will and won’t tolerate and playing games is left for the board games or the spades table.
Thank you! I’ve noticed this but could never quite put my finger on how age could make such a difference. I’m 22, and ever since I started dating someone a few years older than me, I really could never go back, no matter how hard I tried. The maturity of that 24-28 range is just so damn sexy, not to mention real and developed.
My last girlfriend was 28. Now I’m involved with someone that’s 21. No disrespect to her, but she clearly still has her head in the sand. There are so many things about the know-how and wisdom of an older woman that are intangibly crucial, that anyone my age or younger is starting to be out of the question.
Last, not to say that I’m at all wise beyond my years, but I’m definitely more into learning than teaching right now.
“I couldn’t make it in Hollywood … I’m shy”
dats a damn lie.
@Sheila: Thanks. I probably shouldn’t have put this out for public consumption … now all the good older ones are going to be taken as everyone goes for them.
@Space: I completely feel you. It was a 27 year old that turned me around. Then that episode with the upper 30 range damn near made me re-evaluate my whole life.
@Comeback: What … Lie … Never. Ask Anti … I’m shy and stuff. You know … I sit and look at people until I muster up all the courage in my body and finally say “hi” to a girl. And when I see a real pretty girl I … LMAO … it was too hard to even type it as a joke.
But no … really … shy = me
LMAO @ this: ‘The maturity of that 24-28 range is just so damn sexy, not to mention real and developed.’
Now that’s hilarious!!!
Space: How old are YOU?
Sorry Space, didn’t see you were 22. Now I understand.
@Space: What happened to your blog?
@Tiffany: I’m 24 now, but it was a 27 year old when I was 1 month into being 23 that opened my eyes (she mighta been 26 in hindsight). She turned out to be crazy, but for awhile … it was golden.
So I am still waiting on you and Anti’s podcast. I mean I need some chocolate sundaes to my meat and potatoes (hayhouseradio.com).
@Tiffany: Yes, I haven’t yet graduated to the 40+ range to find out the true meaning of life. All in due time.
Well Space, I haven’t graduated to the 40+ range either.
Keep on living, baby. You will indeed get the knowledge you seek.
@Comeback: I have not developed a model to analyze this but my intuition says that SBM is right. You don’t need a Billion data points to reach a conclusion. Studies have shown that good decisions can be made with a limited amount of information.
I agree – women, like wine, get better with age.
“but my intuition says”
***falls out of chair*** number crunchers use intuition —what about EBITA, ARPU, Churn, ROR–get Jesus on the main line!!!! STAT
@SBM
LOL!
Golden huh? What happened with that? Did it turn out to not be the real thing and tarnish?
My thing is I am in 24-28 range but because I am still in school I am not really that “independent” woman I need to be at this age. I still live on my own and do my own thing but every so often I have to ask my mom for money..lol
great post
@Space: I’ve flrted with the 40 line, but never punctured it. If you beat me, let me know how it was on the other side.
@Anti: Who said you don’t need a billion data points? If I’m forecasting, I want accuracy within 4 percentage points, otherwise the model is sh*t!
@Comeback: The podcast is coming. Just gotta find a way to mask my voice. Do got a job to worry about.
@BPrice: Lol. It wasn’t golden … it was actually an area she kinda sucked at. But she made up for it with a golden mouthpiece.
@Brittany: Being in school is a beautiful thing. Humility (being able to ask mom for a lil help) is a beautiful thing. I would give you the “independent” stamp.
@Comeback: A true quant jock should be able to eyeball a number and instantly know if it’s in the ballpark. This works whether your talking about your EBITDA, Sigma level, Attrition, Free Cash Flow, Net Present Value, or your ROIC
@SBM: Harvard MBAs are all about “making decisions with limited information” – i think that type of thinking is helpful in dating.
@Anti: And thats why HBS is overrated. Give me the rigor of a Sloan grad any day! Them boys know numbers!
@Comeback & Anti: I will not have this stat acronym flirting going out in broad public. If I can control, so can you two. Nerding up the comments and whatnot!
LOL @ ya’ll cause I build financial models for a living. Leave that mess at work!
The true test of love, is when a woman hits menopause. When a woman is 35 or 40, she is still in her prime, so no problem, but really, when she turns 50, will you still love her the same. SBM, when you get older, you will only want one older woman in your life-your mother. I think that the all young guys at some point, like older women, but when they get older, many of them change. The problem with young guys and older woman relationships, arise when decisions about the future come in to play. If the young man want to have children, the older woman’s tubes are probably tied, or she just do not want anymore kids. It takes two mature people to be in an older younger relationship, because the differences can break it, if your not mature.