Single Black Male

so yeah, I actually dont like head. not enough stimulation for me. I allow it since its a more selfless act and lets me know a woman is thinkin about me more than herself.. or because ya just wanna gas her up so she thinks shes doin a good job (women have such fragile ego’s in bed)
best for me however is 80% done with sex, 19% done with her hand and then the safer and less child bearing finish by oral. but not everyone is down with takin their own juice in their mouth I am finding out now….

as far as giving? oh well (evil laugh) you can imagine an evil simp such as myself has a gold star.
First time I “gave” was 6th grade. did I get back? oh hell no… I shoulda known the aplha black female thingy was just a precursor of what was going to happen for years to come. I look at 6th graders now and am like… no way. But I guess if I was they could be too… Im soo gonna lock my nieces up when they hit 10.

anyhow, tips from an old man.

Da flick!
I flick. usually flck!towards the middle of the act, when the clit is more engorged with blood.
With your tongue pointed, gently flick your tongue around her clit. Feel free to roam, but keep coming back to her clit. Using your two index finers to pull back the hood and expose it, usually works better for me but be careful, as it may be overstimulation. you do this directly on the exposed and rather helpless clit…. but not too much. ration it out.
NO she wont cum by this, but she will jump, pop and jerk all over the place in excitement like those girls in the down south rap videos
When stimulating her clit make sure to start out gently if you aren’t sure how she likes it. If she likes it shaken not stirred, double-check the size of her “clit” and if she is carrying a Walther ppk” When you try this, pay attention to whether those moans are ecstasy or pain or maybe she’s waking up.

The Clitoris Hold
Take her exposed clit into your mouth and gently suck on it, simultaneously circleing your tongue AROUND and around it. Don’t gag on it. Swallow what you can and close your eyes and make believe you’re not really there. When asked if you like this, grunt an affirmation. Go to your happy place until it’s all over. Take the pack of smokes and go back to your cell.

ABC’s
Try using your tongue to spell the alphabet on her genitals. This works surprisingly well as your tongue is always moving in different directions. When I’m bored I like to send subliminal messages to my lover. Stuff like, “Doing the dishes is fun,” and “Stop inviting your annoying friend, Rachel over to our house,” and my favorite, “When are you going to come? I’ve lost all feeling in my jaw and Sportcenter started 10 minutes ago.” If your lover is a non-English speaker do your best to simulate Sanskrit, Cyrillic, etc. If your lover is illiterate, get your face out of her pussy and teach her to read ferChristsakes.

The Clitoris Suck
Expose her clitoris by spreading her lips and lightly pulling back her hood. When her hood is pulled back, make sure it’s really her and not the cleaning lady……….put the hood back and readjust your own hood in case her’s falls off again. With her clitoris exposed, give it a quick little suck. Now when she tells you that you suck, you can take it as a compliment! This is a lot like licking a bit of cake batter off of your pinky, except not as tasty and it shouldn’t bring back fond memories of Mum.

Get a grip son!
I was told nothing was more manly than when she bucks.. grip her thighs and hold her down. in a firm manly way, not the way we used to while taking turns dunking the fat kids face in the sandbox at recess. she will usually gyrate from the middle of her back so you way have to stop the hands from roaming (remember roaming her firm abs and erect nipples are a good thing while giving) so you may want to bring the oars in and have all hands on deck captain! clamp down with your hands and make grunts like a level 50 orc warrior so she thinks your more into it than she is. (zug zug)
if done correctly it should send her a message… yes I am in control of you and am suppressing you in a passionate yet manly way. fall back woman I got this!
if she is not responding in such a manner then perhaps you shouldnt have gotten her that 5th cosmo to get her into this position in the first place… that or you suck.

questions?

wat do ya think of flavored gels uncle hassi?
fukin stupid. dont use them. they never taste good anyway. man up and learn to enjoy the musky taste damn you! if your doin it right the river should start to flow anyway! and new water always tastes better than the old.

but uncle Hassi…..I hates da hairs in my mouff!
STFU and stop bein a baby. any man worth his salt knows how to very sneakily and simpishly like suggest how they would eat more if she had less hair. turn it into a game! My ex used to want me to shave her in the jacuzzi when we first moved in together. (that was back before creamshaves became safer… yes I know im old)
and for christs sake…. dont STOP to pick hairs out of your mouth while she is about to cum. its like taking your ranmen noodles out of the pot before you add that special flavor packet thingy to them. ALWAYS wait til your finished before cleaning up the mess.

Times up!
you want to be the master of this! why? look man, if your living with a chick you NEED to master the3 minute pussy eating. unless your chick is a biological freak (in which case give her my cell) shes not going to get enough stimulation to cum from penetration in under the 5 minutes its gonna take for your show to be back from commercial. us giving is the opposite of them giving. the better we are the less time it should take. also, you can blow your horn about your stamina for sex, or running the 5k.. or even the stamina on your level 70 Warrior. but lasting a long time while eating pussy is a bad thing. after a while you will rub it raw. and that shit hurts son!

lastly, I highly suggest oral sex to actual intercourse. why? because too many of us are having kids already for fuks sake.

I really want to know what you were saying w/o reading all of this…so if you can condense it down to like 5 or 6 sentencces I would greatly appreciate it.

head..what a wonderful thing…I love getting head..and I love giving head. I have to digg your spirit like that to do it. can’t go around randomly sucking dudes off. I’m good at it..not a master yet, cause I can’t get past the gag reflex..but teacia gave me pointers on that one!! thanx girl!

to swallow or not to swallow..that is the question …lol

It probably is funny…I didn’t read it…and since I’m not planning to eat any cooda anytime soon I guess I don’t really need to…lol.

Hasani, you really really need to get a day job, who in the hell has time to write a mini thesis on the art of giving head. Maybe you should put your talents to better use by writing for adult mags. Oh BTW if you don’t like getting head that’s because they are not doing it correctly.

@Comeback: gurl I got someone for you, he’s 37, not bitter…lol, loves the sisters, originally from Georgia(southern gentleman), went to Famu, he’s a Major the military now, has been for the past 13 years(stability), no kids(drama free), good credit, lives in Alexandria(local), has investment properties(savy), and is an all around good guy.

Why don’t I want him do you ask…well b/c he lives damn near 11 hours away, he’s super busy as am I and we have not been able to link up…a man only gets 90 days to show real effort when he doesn’t live locally, this weekend was the deadline…lol. And I’m a realist…we both just have too much going on and this will probably evolve into a distant friendship. He loves strong women b/c he’s a man’s man(strong mentally and physically)…but he’s super sweet(read:caring and considerate)…kind of like the sweet and sour combo, he takes no nonsense.

Here’s the link to his myspace profile…let me know if you’re interested and I’ll hook it up(trust me, i’m good at this):

I think I know my own anatomy… talk about rampant speculation on your part 0_o!
in 99% of the women I have gotten head from in my life I would have rather been having sex or a good handjob.
just a preference.

OMG Teacia you traitor!! wheres the love? (cries)

a black man who only dates white women comming on the blog… oh man I have only dated ONE white woman in my life and the gas on here are lettin me have it… your gonna get fuggin killed bro. BWAHAHAHAH Im sooo off the hook now.

Nor should you be giving men who don’t want you away (there not yours to give). But You’re an eager girl…5-10th time is always a charm..no thanks

Sorry…dang!

Trust me…I’m looking out for your best interest on this one mister.

Thanks Hasani, for the copy&paste tips.

hell to the nawl… she really needs to get off my vajay jay.

@SBM: Sorry mister and I’m over it…she can continue to hack into nigga’s email accounts and do other dumb shit to direct men to the nearest exit…without my assistance..

wow–you had to go back months to read that (being you just graced us with your presence last week)….i guess its some sort of spooky flattery.

all the man needs is one more myspace message…and he’s putty…one more.

LMAO @ Teacia…I don’t even try to read it anymore!

I LOVEgetting head. Giving it, I will do it but it’s not my favorite thing to do. However, I do not allow it show in my actions. Like you said SBM it’s a self less act so I aim to please at all times.

@ Comeback and Teacia: Are you all kidding me with this bullshit!!

@Teacia: that was thoughtful of you to offer your friend to a totally stranger for a date. However, you don’t know Comeback only what you read on here unless you guys talk elsewhere. I don’t think that was a wise choice, but I can appreciate the effort. If I was hooking up a friend with someone I would have to know the person a little better than a blog. I have hooked friends up and been quite successful. On the other hand were you trying to be funny and prove a point about Comeback by offering your friend? * raising brow with a suspicious look*

@ Comeback: Help me to understand why when Teacia offered this guy to you, you couldn’t just respond with ‘ thank you but I am not interested’. Why all the extra? You all went into to full attack mode which the problem with the black community. Teacia didn’t say anything incorrectly. I just wonder why you felt the need to respond in such a unpleasant and uncaused for manner?

@ SBM- whew… this blog is getting out of hand bro. Way to go!!! LOL

Girl I am NOT upset..the shyt is rather funny and flattering….and you ain’t givin no man away not one that wants you…And you don’t even know me…so why would you want a “friend” to be subjected to what I have to offer..

Come on one more friend comment…he doesn’t want a lurker…he wants a woman WHO TRIES HARDER. You should go into sales.

Yeah I went and peeped Eathan’s blog but I was just going to let that shit ride. I don’t need to get my pressure up behind someone who would want me if he saw me on the street anyway. It’s whatever.

Ms. D…nope after talking it over with a “friend” last night it seemed like an easy choice. He’s a great guy, they live in the same vicinity, and people will continue to be strangers if they never meet. I gave her the link to his page so she get a glimpse of the guy. I did mention to him that I knew someone in the area, attractive, strong and successful that he may be interested in meeting. They’re both successful, black, live in the same area…I don’t see the problem.

The worse that would happen is she would get a free meal and hang out with a smart, attractive and successful black man and possibly indulge in stimulating conversation and he would meet someone new. I’m all about black love and I wasn’t trying to be funny…I was being real…but I knew she wouldn’t go for it…maybe I was being an optimist again…gotta stop doing that shit!!

There’s alot of “Friends” on here who seem so motivated to help me. Teacia…I really do apologize. And to the blog as well. You’ve been here a week. And the connection you have to everyone is kismet. I sometimes shy away from real chick’s chick connections. The little pot shots that you throw at me on the love connection breaks …well there just opportunities for me to grow and be better…well like you. I mean after being formally engaged 6 times, its high time I listen to other women who have been able to get the love they want and deserve.

Maybe I can pay you something for getting together with this other friend…I mean what’s your time worth..hit me up with a paypal link. Then lets make some magic happen you have a face for TV…this would make a great tv sitcom.

ok thanks for explaining. I get both your points. Although, I have to ask Comeback what are you looking for in a date? Meaning to go out on just a date with a man nothing else, what are you looking for? I am not playing matchmaker I am just interested in knowing.

I am single in Chicago and I love meeting new people why no hook ups in the Chi for Ms. Dev….lol I don’t ever knock food and good conversation ever…lol

@Tiffany In Houston: I agree…lol they will definitely sell out then.

@ Teacia: always remain an optimist but just understand the people you are dealing with. Comeback never asked for a hook up. ‘Comeback’ is only a name. She might not be ready to get back in the game yet. She did say not to long ago I think that she was doing some soul searching so she might just be taking baby steps. At the end, it doesn’t appear that she is open to date anyones suggestion… I think. Correct me if I am wrong Comeback.

oh wait…I think you said you were informally engaged six times and formally once… well im confused…no matter you have something that i need to learn. I’m all eyes.

7 men, 6 rings(formal), 1 no ring(informal)…but it’s cool.

oh yes…I’m sorry. formal means Vera Wang invitations and seating charts??? no matter. please except my apology. I won’t be able to sleep or continue my love journey until I know that we can have this truce…and you can lead me to an engagement (not the silly one I had) but a REAL FORMAL ONE. With wedding china, Crate and Barrell and Tiffany registries.

We still love you though…pushover…lol, j/k.

You’re right we’re like twin flames….sister twin flames..I dont think your pitying me…why all these single women on here..you took a special interest cause ***gesturing pattycake*** you and me will never part.

ummm…we can’t lead you to an engagement until you separate the wedding(invitations, seating charts…and so forth) from the engagement…one step at a time mam.

if you’re being serious and not facetious there’s only one thing you need to do…cut it out. man are really mean and that’s such a turn off…i don’t know if it’s a fasaud you put on for us but damn girl…seriously cut it out.

“I won’t be able to sleep or continue my love journey until I know that we can have this truce…”

you see, even you’re apology was a feeble attempt

girl i’m on my 3rd week…and yall still can’t get my name and the length of my presence right…i am truly hurt.

oh she’s being nice nasty…we know how she rolls…it’s cool though…i take it with a grain of salt and keep it moving. i hope she finds happiness in the sarcasm though.

it was REAL…girl you do have an optimistic spirit…I meant every word. See sometimes you resist when you really admire somebody when they are more of what you aren’t —you know what I’m saying??? Like their life is just so together…They antagonize because they want you to BE BETTER, DO BETTER HAVE BETTER…it all comes from a real high place…HIGH..real high. Sometimes you can’t fight it. You have to just believe that everybody wants to see you happy-even when they don’t-THEY DO. does that make sense?

The call Teacia made to a “friend” that came from a really deep place. A kismet place. She’s right we are JUST alike. We might even be related. I was fighting it. I do wish I could have 7 engagements. Like go out there an make plans to get married 7 times…you know how much free stuff I could probably get. I could have 7 princess cut 3.5 carat diamonds (not conflict though—nothing from Angola)…I digress…I would be closer to my made for tv movie. I don’t need a break from dating. What’s 4 weeks. And what’s a friend (Teacia can I call you a friend) whats a friend when they know you better than you know yourself.

Please give LisaQ my most gracious and heart warming thanks when you pick her up for your date…oh, for taking men like you off of our hands. I mean really, no one is subscribing to your BS anyways.

LADIES!!!! Check this out(sorry SBM): I just finished placing my order and spent ONLY $37 for a load of stuff

Nordstrom is changing the logo on their makeup, so they’re selling everything that says ‘e.l.f.’ for $1!!! (you still have to pay shipping, but it’s SO worth it!!) http://www.eyeslipsface.com/shop.asp

The make-up line E.L.F. (Eyes, Lips, and Face) has been bought out by Nordstrom and will be re-packaged with the Nordstrom name on it. They are getting rid of all the make-up in ELF packaging. They are selling everything for $1.

You do have to pay shipping. They have powder, mascara, brushes, nail polish, you name it.

Just thought I’d pass along the good deal. Also, if you use the coupon code: CAROLINA you will get $7.50 off your first $15 of your purchase or 50% off if your order is under $15.

Everything for eyes, lips, and face are all only $1.00. Make sure you add Carolina (coupon code) because you receive additional discounts!!!!!

Girl I am simple type of girl… I like them chocolate but open to anything. I love humor , since I think I am pretty funny. Must be at least 6ft or over, only because when I wear heels I am easily over 6ft. No assholes. I am a little sarcastic so I can take it a little bit. Since its only a date I am not to picky. Anything else I want to know I can find out on my own. Its the summer everyone should be dating and having fun!!!

Alright ya’ll both starting to be a hot flaming mess..Both of you put your nose in the corner!

Funny but I don’t think we look anything alike…lol.

matter fact you should come to dc. It’ll be like Yitzhak Rabin and Yasir Arafat shaking hands at the whitehouse…EPIC.

NP…matter of fact make that a grand total of $48.98…lol…oh and I got you on a dude…I’ll let you know the info when I get the ok to give it out.

Geez. Kiss and make up already. Can we get back to talking about head? Can my lovely African American sistas please tell me what’s wrong with swallowing or receiving facials?

Thanks. On my way to place an order now.

Question: Why do some men feel the need to plead their case on why they should be given head? No, means no.

Alls fair when it comes to love & SEX. But if the woman says no she doesn’t want to or doesn’t feel like doing it, trying to pressure her into doing it isn’t going to make it happen any sooner.

“And don’t be mad the next time your 30 seconds away from an orgasm and he just ups and decides “well … I got mine … good luck” and bounces.”

Yes, that would piss a sista off. But then he wouldn’t have to worry about dipping into the candy jar ever again afterwards either.

“If I’m slobbin knobs I’m in love, like I know ALL of your urology info/and HIV status “IN LOVE”.”

Good point. This act isn’t something that should be done in just a casual relationship.

SBM: That’s some bullshit right there. Every jumpoff or FWB does not deserve the pleasure of getting a fabulous knob slob. Oh hell no!

yall buncha Illeterate negros.
NO yo asses do notget a shortened version.
stopbeinignant and read my shit yo!
SBM. its nw there for those who dont know or need pointers. thats all.
we here to help right?

Dam comeback fights diiiirrrttyyyy!
but the whole “eagerness comment is killing me.
why is itthat comeback you feel any woman who LOOKS for love is weak? you called me weak and “dependant on someone else for 16 years” like thats a bad thing I know how to love someone else?
your weaker if you are single than attached. our generation is really startin to suck with this whole “being singe is cool” mentality.

if god wanted us to be alone he woulda made us asexual like frogs…. but even kermit has ms piggy!

Ok, so I used to be all picky about how I handled divying out head but I’ve figured out a simplified method to it. If you’re thinking about a guy and your vajay jay starts to tingle…well dammit he might deserve a little head the nice time you see him…lol.

I don’t think that every jump off should get head…honestly I don’t do jumpoffs these days…I’m more of a recycler…I’m trying to take care of the earth by recycling the dick until I find something a little more permanent…lol. Don’t tread on me fellas…lol.

I can’t even hate on you with this one(although you know I would love to)…sex should be taken a little more seriously these days. I know that I can get a little reckless at times…..but damn, it just feels so good…lol.