Single Black Male

I’m still watching the video…but DAMN if SEAL aint fine as hell up in this video.

Excellent points (fŭng’kē) [blak] [chik].

I say Do it well do it good…wait was that a song. Thanks SBM for the post. I have put myself on VSB punishment mainly cause when I’m on there I can’t get no damn work done.

Anyway, I down for choice. I think when PEOPLE realize that their experience should be opened to dating whomever they wish, the anger goes away. I have been on the fence in the past with dating a white man primarily because in the DC area you get A LOT of flack in public. VOCAL flack FROM BLACK MEN. If I was living in NYC, I would do it in a heart beat…wait…I actually did. I know I shouldn’t worry about what other people think. My preference is for Black men. but I have seen some White one’s who make think preference BE DAMNED.

What I don’t like are BLACK men who try and scapegoat other BLACK women as an excuse. I’ve actually dated a few black men where I was one of the first black women that they had EVER dated. And I won’t do this again either. Black men like these, I have little in common with, their conversations are TOTALLY different. Their world view is different. And when other Black women get mad about it I used to always say…girl get happy, he’s out of your (dating) pool and 9 times out of 10 you would have VERY VERY little to talk about, the white girls (for this one are doing you a favor). Shout hallelujah. And I’m not sayingt this a diss. I can’t fault a man for liking what he likes. I can however appreciate those who have a sample of experiences WITHOUT the hate.

So I guess Hasani is being beckoned…and we will all wait on his senior thesis and 35 page paper.

FYI…that’s not Seal in the video..

Seal wished he looked that good…

That’s Jean Louis, he plays the “Haitian” on Heros..and is a Haitian/Model/Actor..and is married to a black woman..lol

Wow. First I’ll say thanks to SBM for the early morning chocolate. I’ll need a minute to gain my composure. Whew.

Sorry about the double post guys. I’m still a bit new to this.

There are a few questions we as a people need to ask ourselves: Why are our women so “angry?” Have I ever been (or caused) an “angry black woman?” If so, why and how (will/did) I change?

The discussions are important but the healing process must begin once they’re over. We’re all quick to say what we will and won’t deal with in each other; that’s all fine and dandy. But this all goes beyond relationship talk. We have a responsibility to heal what was wounded for hundred of years if we’re ever to prosper as a people.

I’m off my soapbox now :o)

I’ve gotten a lot better than I used to be about interrracial relationships. A LOT BETTER. That took some maturity on my part. And some logical reasoning: do I want a black man who exclusively dates out?? Probably not. He didn’t want my black ass either so why I am getting my pressure up.

I will admit giving the side eye to black men with busted ass white chicks. I still don’t understand that because generally when I see a sister with a white guy he’s generally fire.

Some general thoughts/questions:

I agree with the other ladies that men who date out should own their shit and quit dumping on black women to justify why they date out. There are bitchy women across the spectrum. Quit tripping and own your shit.

If you have a black mama or sisters or aunties and you constantly date non-black women; how do you think that makes your black female family members feel?

If you have black daughters and you constantly date out, what do you think that’s doing to the esteem and self worth of your child?

I am much more open to interracial dating on a personal level now and that also took some growth. I do wonder if white men would be open to dating black women who are plus sized. I’m a good solid brickhouse size 18 and whilst I’m currently shrinking, I’ll never be a size 6. EVAR.

I certainly hope our resident whites-only dater, Eathan, drops by to give some input.

**DISCLAIMER**

I’m angry today, so the words that come thru my finger tips represent the enraged side of me.

**My Response**

Unfortunately, I couldn’t not view the video (my job is stream-blocking). Anyway. I could care less if a black guy date a white chick. The stereotype is that they give better head anyway. SBM, that seems to be the top prior these days, right? What if I don’t give head often? Maybe I want to reserve that for a special occassion? Maybe my mind would let my mouth embrace your manhood after I found out you were two different women in less than 24 hours?

Eatin’ and fu@kin’. I’ve even heard that black women aren’t “healthy.” They too big, they don’t woke out. I didn’t hear that sh!t when that blk man was smacking his jaws on that hearty meal I pride myself of cooking.

In my ideal world right now, I would want all those “thug types”, unemployed, narrow-minded suckas to go after those white women. Let me widen the scope a little because it’s not just those “hoodlums” but even the simps who are ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS the victim. Professionals blk man, working class…whoever, where ever you are, just stop it - grow a back bone.

I want the white women to take one for the team and accept these trifling guys. We have been doing it for too long. Caring too much and loving a blk man too hard to go through so much bullsh!t. But I’m not bitter. Maybe my cousin who stick by her cheating man side is bitter… but not me. Maybe my mother, who didn’t get a bit of child support from my pops YET he screaming the loudest at my college graduation as if he is paying back student loans, is mad…but I’m not mad. Perhaps my friend who allows her husband to “BE THE MAN” but wouldn’t even work as a greeter at Wal-Mart is frustrated…but no need to be.

Damn it, I get tired of putting on a mask…making everyone happy. Do I know what I want from a man…yes and no. After my spirits and my self-esteem has been beat down by so many men, I know what I don’t want. Why couldn’t it be some other women they were tearing down? Oh, but they will go to the Hispanic community, wife Marie up, encourage he to go to community college, send he to get her hair done once every two weeks, make a little Pedro, and live happily ever after…but I can’t be bitter?

Here I am, trying to find a piece of happiness, second guessing myself. I don’t have a long laundry list of things I want from a man. Most men I meet don’t meet my illustrated expectations but they treat me decent and I try to look past their “flaws” and view them as “blessings”. Put a twist on that baggage claim and think of it as good experience. This percentage of men are in jail, that percentage of men are homosexuals, men between the age of this and that already have children…How many “perfect” men do we have left? Then, it gets to the point where women settle to share a man, married or involved. And women get looked down upon for being cheaters…that’s because we have to piecemeal a perfect man.

I’ve digressed too much…Men and women should have the option to date whom the please, and feel comfortable about their decision. Whomever it is, treat them with respect and enjoy their company. If there are things that you aren’t willing to stick around for or fight for, let it go. It will be healthier for both parties in the long run.

1) Angie Stone is bigger than a size 14
2) Iman is my grandmother’s age
3) I just got a gym membership over the weekend…and silly guys, I’m not working out for you…no, no, no…I’m working out for me…

struggling with*

And Brittany Spears of all white pop icons…shame, shame, shame…

Dammit I said I wasn’t going to respond to this post after 2 days of fussing with white, asian and latino chics about why it’s none of their business why we feel the way we do about our black men stepping out…and 666(no lie, eerie isn’t it) comments later this is what it comes down to:

We(black women) are sensitive about our men dating interracially because they are so insensitive to our sensivity. When seeing a black man with an “other” it makes us feel like deep down inside somewhere we weren’t good enough, that we failed. And considering that we see ourselves as the backbone to our race, it tugs at our heart a little…especially if he’s successful, and then we feel a sense of betrayal.

And no matter how much people want to discount that our generation hasn’t known the struggles of our ancestors, we still carry pieces of that hurt in our heart. The symbolism of dating white women back then has carried over to our generation. We see it in a new form, men become successful and they go out and get a “trophy,” or someone who assimilates easily into the lifestyle they are trying to portray. This isn’t the case in all situations but it’s the hurt of the possibility of said situation that pains upon seeing a black man dating interracial.

Your insensitivity fuels our insecurities, and yall know we don’t like being insecure, so we embrace anger instead. We can’t fix this problem until black men stop copping out and using the “we’re men first” statement, and try a little loyalty to, at the very least, our community being able to have an honest conversation for a change. We aren’t going to get over our insecurities and sensitivity to this until we address the issue of your insensitivity…b/c sweetheart SOCIETY sees you as Black FIRST, you’re a man second…and no white, asian or hispanic women is going to change that.

@ SBM: No. I don’t think that black women are angry in general. I think our assertiveness and independence is often misinterpreted as anger. I think it’s hard for us to find the balance between survival and womanhood because for so generations we’ve had to place our “womanly characteristics” on hold to survive and take care of our families. Couple that with the fact that most of us grow up in households without positive male role models and you have what society deems as an “angry black woman.”

Daisy I’m going to post a couple of excerpts from the Willie Lynch Letters, this touches on what you’re saying..and although I know these were written during slavery, I feel a pain in my gut everytime I read them…thanks to NY on VSB for providing the info:

We breed two nigger males with two nigger females. Then, we take the nigger male away from them and keep them moving and working. Say one nigger female bears a nigger female and the other bears a nigger male; both nigger females—being without influence of the nigger male image, frozen with a independent psychology—will raise their offspring into reverse positions. The one with the female offspring will teach her to be like herself, independent and negotiable (we negotiate with her, through her, by her, negotiates her at will). The one with the nigger male offspring, she being frozen subconscious fear for his life, will raise him to be mentally dependent and weak, but physically strong; in other words, body over mind. Now, in a few years when these two offsprings become fertile for early reproduction, we will mate and breed them and continue the cycle. That is good, sound and long range comprehensive planning.

Comeback why do you even bother, he’s just going to say that he’s using statistical and factual evidence and if we don’t like it to change it. He’s also going to go on about how he’s not singleing anyone out and we only get upset b/c it applies to us. At the end of the day he is wack.

He constantly puts himself down, even when we dismiss and encourage him to better himself, he’s quick to point out what we’re not doing and how statistics aren’t in our favor..all the while forgetting that he himself is also a black man and the statistics are kind of bleek there as well if not more. But if we tell him to change it, he will just point to his godfathering skills and how he gives back to his local boyscout troop all the while doing nothing to better himself. It’s this thing, he like mediocricy, it gives him an excuse to cite his singleness, it must be our fault that we don’t like someone who constantly is putting himself down, us down and lack any ambition to better himself…all the while pointing out what’s lacking in every of facet of life.

Again I say his entire mentality is wack. I think Jigga said it best(re-phasing of course), “if you can’t understand that your entire disposition is wack, then maybe you’ll understand it when i fade to black.” Again I don’t know why you even bother.

I agree Teacia. I will have to come on later to read the Willie Lynch excerpts…this is not really easy reading, you have to really ponder some of this. Anyway…You are right about Hasani too. He will come on here with more excuses than a little bit, but it is so self-evident to me why maybe he hasn’t gotten his professional life together either as he professes not even being proificient enough to do his job.

Im all for the love peace and nappyness, but what about putting some of that love into what you do, into professional endeavors. Househusbands are great for some women but at least have a nice stash and some accomplishments before you hangup your briefcase for an apron.

meet who were??? Hasimeister??? LOL

He is the most vocal and the most inciting of dissent. And then tries to pass of garbage as truth and then throw random 8 year old numbers out and then draw wacky conclusions. I mean I’m just utterly fascinated.

“Van Huessen shirts”

who the hell is Van Huessen is this a new brook brother’s collection.

Maybe its in your swagg SBM there are tons of guys that I know who can rock one of those cute tattoo tee and some jeans..and look rather pulled together. It could also be the incessant use of slang…i mean are you going up to some DC women (that you can’t stand btw) using the words “cakin’”. How can you even filter the one’s you can’t stand from the beloved Texan ones..shall I go back to your description of them (and reference the not so nice one).

“I dont know… post quotes of me calling someone by name fat stupid or ect ect.
we dont even have to leave this PAGE to see you guys dissin me calling me stupid or talking ill of my life.”

hmm….”get off your fat ass and look for the statistics” I don’t have the time to do a boolean search here looking for “fat ass” but most assured those comments came from you.

do you have some type of amnesia when it comes to what do you write? Since I don’t really find fat ass alluring or a pick up line or respectful to refer to ANYONE. You are not consistant which leads me to believe that you are either forgetful or on some mood altering RX. (no judgements). I can talk about relationships I had in grade school. Actually I had a boyfriend from 3-7 grade, can I count adolescent relationships, since you can reference your SIX years of such. ”

Your white lady friend, you seem to not be quite over. You’ve NEVER uttered a bad word about her EVER aside from the argument about garder belts LOL. How did that end? Why can’t you go back and make that 10 year situation work with her? Were you overcome with this black love in this relationship with home girl?

@SBM: I think I just threw up in my mouth after reading that.

“and to the gym I wear plastics”

nice visual. I just shoked on my ice tea. I thought only 50 year onld balding men wear these…please don’t tell me you have a white or multicolored head band.

” gaberdine pleated with cuffs micro fibre pants”

dear Lord, please let this be some type of cotton-poly blend…its hot as hell outside.

Im from jersey… we wear long pants year round.
In cancun when I saw 2 brothas standing with a slick lookin Italian dude, all 3 of them had on long pants I walked over and ask “you guys from jersey” they said Yeah Seaton Hall..
yes we can pick out our own by how we dress. Long pants and a T shirt, and dont wear coats in the winter just a fleece.

…see Comeback i told you what he was going to say.

addressing Sani’s rant:

I actually agree…how about that.

“But I will say this… I don’t date anything but black men…and 3 puerto ricans…and a haitian dude…and back in Cali a mexican…and a portugese man….BUT OTHER THAN THAT…I only date black men…lol”

LOL…CLASSIC!!

LOL @ Comeback! Yeah they need a little unity over in those there parks…that damn Hamas.

Thanks for the posts Teacia. I’ve read this a few years back but definitely needed the refresher. I still can’t believe it’s lasted this long and how it still affects us today! Willie Lynch was a sick/sad man.

On a “lighter” note:

Blah, Blah, Blah my uncle is married to an Asian woman and she’s just as submissive as his black wife was. I’m not sure if that makes you feel any better though.

The “interracial” couple that bothers me most is successful (not athletes or musicians) black men with non-black women. It’s almost like “dag, you can’t take us to corporate events and still get that corner office?”

Dayumm… I was late on this post. Everyone else commented before me. I too enjoyed VSB post. FYI thanks Teacia for the link. I tried interracial dating..but I didn’t get totally addicted until I was one of those brothas at the club full off white peeps…tryin to holla at the white gurls. But it’s well said… we are men before anything else…MEN.

LOL..ButtaRone Baby it is…it does sound a tiny bit “how you doin’” but we can work with it.

Oh and Daisy now that enough of the day has passed since my post I have to put out there that Willie Lynch’s letters are fictional. Willie Lynch doesn’t exist, well the one that did was born 30 years after these were supposedly published and their literal context in the letter that didn’t come about until the 20th century.

Anyhow my purpose for posting it served the same as the guy who wrote it 15 years ago, to serve as a wake up for how the desire to be apart of mid-stream america is raping us of our heritage and sense of togetherness. Slavery didn’t do it to us, we were stronger then because of it, we were flourishing as a race in the 60’s…modern society, integration and the desire to no longer be considered the “losing team” is what has us in this frozen psychological state of independence.

…just thought i should put it out there before day’s end…no more black liberation rants today from me i promise.

No TIH he’s saying that he dated white chics sparingly before but didn’t get addicted to them until he moved into a predominantly white area where he was tripping over them. So now he prefers to date white…

….*sighing*…I know, I know…and I was working on it…but I’m sure he’s gone ladies, never again to return to the land of Negronia.

And after today I actually get a sense of why he’s made his choices and although I would LOVE to prove him wrong, I lack the sheer will and desire….sorry E baby…lol.(yep, even Eathan gets a nickname)

@Teacia: Thanks for clearing that up. I’ve read his site but not in depth and quite frankly if I was the white ladies I’d be rather pissed at the amount of business he puts out there.

That being said, I appreciate he’s up front with his shit and he doesn’t dog black women from what I have read. I can’t help but feel a tad sorry for him. Don’t know why really, just do.

ButtaRone..please start a paypal collection STAT.

Tiffany I addressed those very same concerns with him today…of course he had a defense…and although he publicly doesn’t disrespect us, the stereotypes ARE the reasons that he won’t date us anymore.

It’s a shame that although there a lot of black women who don’t fall into the drama-filled category he isn’t willing to take the risk anymore…but all in all Eathan is a good guy/man…just a little discouraged about the sisters these days.

Oh and there is the whole tripping over white chics everywhere he goes thing.

Well damn I am utterly impressed…the filmaker came to comment….but Tim as an artist why does it concern you if we started talking about Mercedes vs. Range Rovers from your film. WE ARE TALKING ABOUT YOUR FILM. And if you read carefully the notion of angry black women was discussed SEVERAL TIMES. And why can’t the subcontext be about interracial dating??? its opening dialouge. It got me wanting to see the full length feature.

which by the way, the clip doesn’t really indicate that this is a full length feature.

@Teacia: Well I trips over a bunch of white chicks everywhere I go too. There are MORE of them than US.
Well even if he does buy into the stereotypes (which is bogus on his part) at least he’s not plastering his opinion all over the interwebs and on billboards.

I’m not in this game to change minds, I’m in it to get mines. And I don’t can’t possibly want anyone who wouldn’t want me anyway be they black, white or polka dotted.

Was his ex-wife white too???

Good luck with your film Mr. Filmmaker. I hope you created an unbiased view of exactly why the ex-wife was angry.

We don’t just wake up angry ya know. And you can’t expect for us to see that premise when the clip is about the white chic sitting in the car. Just so you know, we’re a pretty sharp bunch around here.

Having said all of that…KUDOS TO YOU!!!!! Congratulations on the film, it’s refreshing to see someone acheive their dreams.

“The film will be released in Feb. ‘09 by Magnolia Pictures nationwide.”

A;right Tim well right on with your bad self. It seems from your forums its building up a lot of traction. Hell you got some serious bloggers on here talking. Maybe you could invite us to a private screening. Hell VSB and SBM does some serious traffic. I only get 3 views a day IF THAT. I really depend on my cousin Ray Ray, but he’s not alway perdictable.

I will definately check this film out.

Thank you Teacia!

Heads up; she is angry because of the mistakes her mother made in picking a bad man to be her father, she is angry because she followed the same pattern when she was young - and her girlfriends are still doing it. She is angry because when she did finally find a good loving black man who treated her with respect - she didn’t know what to do so she treated him like he was weak because he was nice - and she lost him. Did you notice how she got quit?

This film is a message to our young women, to look in themselves and recognize the pattern in themselves (if it exist in them, which it does in a lot of our young women) and change their perspective about what a good man is and how to treat him when you find one in the sea of turds that the young men are today.

I can’t wait to see what you say after you have seen it - 86% of the thousands of women I screened it for LOVE IT!

I am sure you intelligent ladies will too, it is not what you think from that purposely leading clip. Hang on, you’ll see.

Well thank you Comeback Girl. Somebody had to make this wake-up call film - so I did.

Here’s the NPR link you spoke of:

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=5474218

Here is a review:

FILM REVIEW - Brow-Beaten Brother Gets Even in Thought-Provoking Melodrama

Excellent (4 stars - Highest Rating)
Diary of a Tired Black Man, Film Review by Kam Williams

In recent years, numerous revenge-themed Hollywood adventures have seemed to take a certain delight in portraying black men as unreliable womanizers undeserving
of any respect, like the sort of losers always airing their dirty linen any day of the week on The Jerry Springer Show. From Waiting to Exhale to Two Can Play That Game to Diary
of a Mad Black Woman, these female empowerment flicks have generally left brothers not only brow-beaten but in need of an image overhaul.
Now, help has arrived in Diary of a Tired Black Man, a fascinating half-documentary-half melodrama which marks the directorial debut of Tim Alexander. A little over a year
ago, you may remember how Alexander generated a phenomenal air of anticipation about this controversial picture merely by making the trailer available over the internet.

That three-minute teaser captured the explosion of James (Jimmy Jean-Louis) who was frustrated about being dogged by his ex-wife, Tonya (Paula Lema), and her
girlfriends because he showed up with a white woman to pick up his daughter during a custody exchange. Without reacting to their attack, he calmly pauses to address Tonya
and her Amen chorus of supporters. Speaking in a measured tone of voice, he gets the last word, letting them know that he had been, and still is, an excellent though
unappreciated provider.

The full-length feature opens with this same scene, but rather than proceed with the rest of the modern morality play immediately thereafter, the ingenious director came
up with a brilliant cinematic device which only heightens the already palpable tension. He freezes the action after this point of departure (and again periodically throughout the
picture) for revealing man-in-the-street interviews featuring fan reaction to the commercial, comments culled from footage he shot while crisscrossing the country with a hand-
held camera.

So, essentially half of what we see onscreen is an intriguing documentary of everyday folks from all walks of life, both male and female, weighing-in on the battle-of-the-
sexes. And these remarks, ranging from the profane to the profound and from the silly to the sobering, prove to be every bit as telling as the fictional front story.
For instance, a young woman quick to question whether there are any good black men out there refers to the married guy she dated for two years as “typical “and an
“effed-up, trifling-ass Negro.” Yet, when asked why she even entered such an ill-fated, illicit liaison in the first place, her only answer is that she “fell in love,” leaving the audience
to conclude that she’s just as much to blame for her lot in life as all the black men she’s just dissed.
To the director’s credit, he does also include conversations with some sisters who don’t absolutely go berserk when questioned about the behavior of brothers, like the
one who forcefully makes the case that, “Not every black woman walking the face of this Earth is angry. There are plenty of sweet, sugary, syrupy sisters that I know that brothers
don’t want.”

Overall, the movie does come down rather hard on sisters, even though it doesn’t let brothers off the hook entirely. Cleverly-edited to keep the audience on the edge of its
seat, the movie flits back and forth between this sort of frank dialogue and the riveting tug-of-war between James and Tonya. With both the factual and fictional parts of the
picture equally absorbing, expect to emerge from theater emotionally drained yet inspired to discuss the degree of dysfunction permeating African-American relationships among
your friends and family.

Tim Alexander is quick to say that “Diary of a Tired Black Man is not a movie, It’s a message.” Well, I’d say it’s both, and if his aim with this message movie is to kick-start
an overdue dialogue for change, I’d say congrats for more than meeting that challenge.

Tim, Black Blogs are the new CNN of America….and as Eathan pointed out, you only need popcorn with some butter.

think about it.

“Oooooh Tim we have a comment limit around here…ButtaRone might start moderating you if you keep it up…lol.”

Oops,,, Sorry. I’m gone.

@ TIH Was his ex-wife white too???

yeah they are white.

Oh so that’s how you do your faithful readers Rone baby…u come out of the woodworks and address the new guy…ooooh I swear I’m commenting tomorrow…lol.

*pump your brakes* eeeeeeerrrrr, THEY…damn Eathan how many times you been married?…lol.

How many white chics will it take for you to come back home…come to the light Carol Anne a.k.a. Eathan.

SBM! I just noticed you are in Washington DC - I JUST LEFT THERE SCREENING THE FILM LAST WEEK!!! Wow.

Here is video from my Washington DC screening: