Single Black Male

Its Friday … time for my weekly rant.

• I like Three 6 Mafia.  I like screw music.  So when I got the new Three 6 Mafia album in screwed form … I was in heaven.  I listened to that album like 6 times straight in one day.  I got so much accomplished … it was nuts.
• So I attempted to listen to nothing but R&B this week … and failed.  I started with John Legend, and things were good.  He sings about real things (cheating mainly) and it was nice not so see someone not singing that softness.  Tried to follow him with Alicia Keys … made it through like 4 songs before I started to get nauseous.  Then did Musiq … somehow made it through.  Lyfe Jennings was recommended, so did that.  Then someone (Ms. D) sent me a playlist online … that was painful and marked the failure (this was around day 3).  I made it through about 5 songs before realizing the site had real music.  Soon I was listening to “Put On for My City” and forgetting my whole experiment.
• Listening to R&B was putting me in a horrible mood.  I realize you just gotta listen to what you like.  As a result … Three 6.
• Amorosa went on Wendy William’s show and claimed “I rather be an Angry Black Woman than a bufoon”.  Not sure how I feel about that one.  Perpetuating this classic Angry Black Women stereotype is not a good thing.  When will they learn?!
• I’m a kisser.  I love it. Something is really really enjoyable about kissing a woman … and its even better if I actually like her.

That’t it.  What are your rants?

RANT

This post was originally posted on January 6th, 2008. A lot of you weren’t there at the time … so this throwback is for you!

I remember back in college actually having to convince some of my female friends the club wasn’t a good place to meet their boyfriend. To me … I was shocked that I had to actually argue this point. I thought it was clear to everyone that the club was for finding one night stands, jumpoffs, and bucket heads … not Ms. (or Mr.) Right.

Why is the club tailored to those looking for temporary love? What is it about the club that is poisionous to the creation of true love? Why is any relationship formed in the club almost always doomed to fail? Simple … the Club Mentality.

I can’t speak for everyone, every club, everywhere, but generally speaking, the club is the definition of … “the frenzy”. There is a lot of liquor involved, its an enviroment solely focused on social interactions between men and women. The music is too loud for conversation. Lights are dim and liquor flows freely. Its one of the few places you can walk behind a female, start grind on her ass … and not break any laws or be arrested. Rules, laws, and social norms that are upheld on “the outside” … simply don’t apply here. Its a different world.

A lot of guys go to the club to take a girl home with them. They are often the most aggressive too. In addition, as a guy, you know more girls are going to be open to conversation as opposed to the “real world” … so you don’t have to worry about “bothering” someone. While physically abusing a girl is still just as wrong, all those overly aggressive moves you had to retire are now allowed and often practiced. Also, for some reason, a fight is now a possibility. While at work your calm, on the road you let people pass you, but in the club … let someone scuff your sneakers or spill your drink … bout to be a misunderstanding!

For the ladies, you know that someone is going to disrespect you. Your ass will be grabbed, someone is going to pull your arm and not want to let go, and somebody is going to be overly aggressive about getting your number. A guy is going to come up to you and start “dancing” … which is closer to sex than anything else, but for some reason … tonight its OK. And while your open to conversation for any “cute” guy who is “acting right” … you also prepared a set of statement for those … “showing their ass”.

In both cases … your not thinking or acting logically. Your not the same person that you are at work, or in the grocery store, or while walking down the street. I know the thought of sleeping with someone I have known for less than 24 hours suddenly seems more appealing to me … personally. And once that liquid courage (alcohol) gets in the system … Mild mannered SBM suddenly becomes … well this post isn’t about me …

Not only is the person you meet at the club not a valid representation of this person, but its hard to take anyone as serious in the club. I’m thinking about different things, the “standards” your getting judged by are significantly different, and honestly … even if I meet Ms. Right … I still might do something stupid and probably will try to cheapen something that could have been nice. Its sad, but its so true.

I will say, there are certain lounges, Happy Hours, and upscale lounges that can provide a relatively healthy meeting place for single individuals … but that isn’t the norm.

Feel me?

“Man you hear that new Raheem Duvan joint”
“No”
“You catch that new Ne-yo song … its hot”
“No”
“I know you heard that new Chris Brown one about being in love to the point you cry.  Joint had me crying last night and everything.  Its fire!”
“Naw man … I don’t listen to that soft sh*t.  Looking at you crying over a damn song”
“I’m just sayin …”

I know everyone loves Rythm & Blues (R&B).  I know it touches the soul.  I know hours could be spent discussing the best songs of the past year, decade, or century.  I know it plays constantly on every major urban radio station.  I know all of these things … and still … I say to eveybody

F*ck R&B!

I just can’t get with it.  I’m sick of hearing songs about the same sad and sorry stuff.  I’m tired of hearing some guy cry about the girl he lost or is losing.  I’m tired of someone who is being cheated on and just can’t take it anymore telling the whole world about their heartbreak instead of addressing it.  I’m tired of choreographed dance moves, hearts in waterfalls, shirtless negros gliding across stages, and all the softness and shrink wrapped “emotions” being sold.

I’m barely old enough to remember … but I remember R&B being called “soul music” at one time.  I remember how this genre had a soul once … and sadly its gone.  Therefore I don’t support it as a genre … and will continue to be willfully ignorant of new R&B artists and songs.

There are a few “contemporary” artists I have generally been able to listen to … here are some of them.

Lauryn Hill (maybe because she is a rapper too)
Alicia Keyes (So fine)
Musiq Soulchild (Don’t know … but I connect with “Teach Me”)
Anthony Hamilton (idk …)
D’ Angelo (I remember listening to him when he first came out)
Jodeci (I mean … they were nasty as hell)
Jill Scott (I like em thick)
Erykay Badu (I feel her hip-hop influence)
John Legend (”Baby when I used to love you” … finally something real and not soft)

And that’s all I can really think of.  Classics like Marvin Gaye or Al Green are too good to be listed with anyone this contemporary … so they go without mentioning (although I don’t listen to them on the regular).

Another problem I have with R&B is the fits of bitchassness it seems to invoke.  Some guys just turn into these pathetic messes that are so dependent on women.  I just can’t support this.

Now … I will say R&B has taught me some things.  In particular, Musiq Soulchild’s views on love (in some cases) click well with mine and I just feel him in some of his stuff.  Listening to Teach Me (Chopped & Screwed of course) has helped me through some troubling times and has allowed me to soften my tough exterior at times.  Generally, neosoul is the only place I really see any hope.

And for the record, if anyone claims its because of my young age or that I will “grow into it” … I’m gonna choke you!  I actually liked it a lot more when I was younger.

And to this end … I will be listening to R&B for the rest of this week.  I want to see how it affects my overall mood and disposition to the fairer sex, and if I can actually make it without throwing up in my mouth a little bit.  Thats why I asked for solicitations a few posts again.

May God have mercy on my soul and poor ears …

A reader is having a spat over the style of her hair.  Here is what she told me …

I’ve been dating a guy for about 4 months.  When he met me I had long mid-back length hair but during that time I was also growing out my relaxer for a year.  I’d told him about this countless times but I’m not sure he understood, whatever.   He had been out of town for a week and during that week I decided to cut all of my relaxed hair ends.  After cutting everything off I felt so beautiful with all my curls.  I ended up straightening my hair for an event where he met up with me.  He said something about my short shoulder-length hair but I just brushed it off.  Fast-forward to the weekend, he see’s me with the natural look and his face looks so disgusted!  He was looking at it and was like “Where the hell is your hair???” I explained to him the whole transitioning/cut thing and he responded with ” So you’re bald headed now?” I say  “No, my hair is actually to the bottom of to my shoulders when straightened and you just saw that at the event, now you see my curls”.  Then he gets ignorant and says “At least you don’t have normal black people’s hair! I’m glad you aint nappy” I was thinking WTF!!!  No compliments or anything…just pure ignorance!  I felt like punching his ass and I did not want to be around him much longer at that point. I ignored him for about 2 days because I was so hurt.  He messaged me later with this ”I’m NOT into that, Sorry.”  I did not respond back.  Then he came to my house apologizing on my doorstep (I wouldn’t let him inside) about his comments and the message that he sent.  He’s definately an ass and I’m kinda glad that he showed his true colors but now I am SUPER discouraged.  I love my hair because of it’s versatility and have recieved so many compliments when it’s straight or curly.  I’m not saying that one should change their hair for a man but I just hope that my hair doesn’t turn guys off.  Do you think guys like the straight look more?   I’m not sure I can trust him now.  What do you think? Do you also think this is how many men feel?  I didn’t think hair was that serious for men.

First off, I must say that hair is very important to most (if not all) guys.  Its almost like breasts … the opinions vary a lot and include a wide range … but damnit if everyone doesn’t have a preference.  I have one friend who loves girls with mohawks, one who loves the natural look, one who preferes short hair in general, another who hates weaves, and others who like straight and long.  Personally, I like a couple different styles … but I generally detest weaves and I want something I can grab on while I’m … uh … moving on …

Now that I addressed that … I can’t completely knock the guy for feeling “SomeKindaWay” about the drastic change in hair … I can only fault him for being as ass about it (even an asshole such as myself knows better than to say “at least your not nappy”).  Is this guy white by chance?

While in the perfect world he would only love you for the contents of your soul and the virtue of your character, the reality is that hair is a big thing.  You losing some 12 to 24 inches of your hair considering the “dating” period has been relatively short (4 months), its kind of like someone gaining or losing 20 lbs.  The person may now be too skinny, or too fat, causing problems to ensue.

The main thing I want to say to you … don’t be discouraged.  I know personally, I love short and curly.  Unless this dude is like the greatests motherf*cker in existance, and your willing to change, and your willing to put up with the showing of his ass, and your willing to ignore his ignorance … then change and grow your hair out.  Since I’m willing to assume he isn’t worth it … in this case I will say to move on.

As long as your hair looks good … every guy might not like it … but there are plenty who will!

Am I wrong?

Its Friday .. so time for me to get some things off my chest.

• Sometimes I fear I’m gonna have to sell, close, or scale back on this blog to keep my sanity.  I can live with the time commitment … but dealing with all this drama is draining.  I tell ya … just saps at your soul to watch your own people bicker and then have one in particular label you an instigator … go figure.
• My birthday is soon approaching.  I don’t know how I feel about that.  I have been told I should embrace it and enjoy the fact that I’m getting older … but f* that … I’m still trying to be young and dumb for a little longer.
• Apparently there have been some allegations flying around her about me (of course only from one person).  If it didn’t annoy me so much … I think I would die laughing.  I guess its like Kat Williams said … everyone needs hater’s to let them know their doing well.  As he said “If you got 14 [people] hating on you … you shouldn’t be complaining … you need to figure how to be at 16 by the end of the summer.”  Here’s to picking up a few more.
• Apparently a friend of mine has trouble telling people he has a girlfriend.  I don’t know why … its so easy.  “Hey … they got free pizza in the break room”.  “Really?! I should take a slice for my girlfriend”.  I mean … your average conversation gives you a million and one instances to drop that tidbit.  Who knows … maybe its just me.
• I want a really really great bachelor party when I get married.  I don’t believe in infidelity or cheating … but its needs to tsunami in the strip club (or wherever we are).  So far I’m thinking a hotel suite, a whole bunch of chicken, more liquor than any group of people could consume, and a whole team of strippers representing 5 of the great states known for stripping (all in the south)!
• Who thought of the cumshot in porn?  I mean … I will actually argue a lot of stuff isn’t actually degrading (strip clubs included) … but who thought to end every porn scene with a guy cumming on a girl’s face?  Even I gotta think … damn.

That’s it from me … now I want to hear from you.  Whats bothering you, annoying you, making you happy, consuming your thoughts, or just in your head right now?

RANT!