Single Black Male

Its 2008.  There is technology available to us and ingrained into our daily lives that our grandparents could never have dreamed of … all of it greatly effecting the way we date and love in the 21st century.

Now you have cell phones, giving use 24 hour access to your boo.  There is GPS tracking for catching that lying hoe. Text messages have shown us that “b*tches love smiley faces” (Boondocks reference). The list goes on for days …

But … the single biggest impact on dating from the “Information Age” has to be online dating.

Think about it … in your PJs chilling at the crib you can find love, spit game to strangers, or just set up that jump off situation for the night.

Or … you can have a team of computers in a cold room far away use the doctorate research of the greatest minds to scour the internet and find you the perfect match …

WOW …

Personally, if I haven’t found Mrs. SBM by 27 … I’m headed to e-Harmony and finding my mate.  I am a big believer in online dating (in theory) … so let me tell you why.

More selection

If you think about it … the dating system is horribly inefficient (here is where my Economics degree gets utilized).  The whole thing is based on being at the same place at the same time with the right person … and then actually interacting with them.  Whether its the club, bar, professional group, supermarket … its still a lot of chance.  This, as an auctioning system (in pure economic terms that what dating is) … its highly inefficient.  Online dating opens up your selection pool significantly.

Best foot forward

Suppose lightning does strike and you see Mrs. Right.  Oh … wait … she has a ketchup stain on her shirt from that chicken biscuit she had this morning … “keep it moving”.  Now you are passing up a happiness you will never know … because of a random event.  Since online profiles are the best representation of a person, this is what you should judge someone on (as long as its honest … no more putting up high school picks as your profile pics).  This takes out a lot of the volatility that happens in the real world … you know … even things out a bit.

More information sooner

Me … SBM … doesn’t think a phat ass is telling about how good your gonna treat me or if your a b*tch or not.  As a result, I’m not going to approach every attractive female (which would consume all my day with the fine women here in the Nation’s capital).  Online, I know what you look like, what you do for a living, if you went to school, if you got kids, and if your best friends with my crazy ex.  This is sooooo helpful in figuring out who gets poked … and who get passed on.

Computers are smart

Some of these sites actually use well researched algorithms to match people together.  Having a computer science background … damned if I can’t put some trust in these machines.  Hell … I trust the navigation in my car to get me home … why not trust a machine to make sure I’m putting the ring on the right finger.

Now … I say all this with a MySpace failure and a Facebook failure under my belt and having never used Match, e-Harmony, or BlackPeopleMeet … but I’m a thinker … so I still believe its the future.

Any success stories?  Horror Stories? Reasons your going to go out and find that perfect mate online right now?

So I was roaming around youtube and found this clip off an NBC news segment about interracial dating.

Apparently women are finding opening more and more to interracial dating.  One big motivator is that there is just a lack of “good men” at the higher rungs of the corporate ladder for these successful black women.  Apparently we’re just not “keeping up”.

Over at I Date White they talked about black women’s love for black men … so apparently its not to epidemic proportions yet.

Personally, I don’t care.  Love who you want.  If I date a white woman, don’t judge me.  If your dating a white guy … well you probably haven’t met me yet (jk) … but good for you.  I hate anyone that will promote any race outside of their own for whatever (usually stereotypical reasons) … but at the end of the day … to each their own.

Feel me?

Sadly, I found myself participating in a cardinal sin earlier … I was watching BET.  Luckily, it wasn’t the usual videos of no substance, poor man’s black version of hit MTV shows, or midget devils popping out of toilets (although I do love “Hell Date”).  Instead, they actually had gathered some rappers, Black PhD’s, tv “celebrities”, reverends and whatnot, and attempted to have a series of discussions about men & women in the black community.

Amongst this group … “Deelishis”, winner to Flavor of Love Season 2, was on the panel (for some odd and strange reason) and she made a very memorable quote … here is my attempt to paraphrase:

“We [women] were going for those good, honest, church based men … but then we found out they lie and cheat like all the no good ballers and players … so its like … why not go with the money if their going to lie and cheat anyway”

WWWWOOOOOOOWWWWWWW (*said in Flavor Flav voice and look of shock*).

I guess she just gave justification to any and all women who date for money … the golddigger.

So … obviously I have a lot of problems with this statement and it has also earned her a permanent place on my “buckethead” list.  Rarely does someone sum up such a ignorant and destructive mindset in so few words.

Why is it that all men have to be liar and cheaters? Why is her world such a cold and lonely place that there are no good guys out there?  Why did she think she would find love with Flavor Flav (thats the real question)?

For anyone who subscribes to this philosophy or knows of anyone who subscribes to it … swiftly smack them in the face (kill yourself if its you).  I’m going to take a page out of a the “book of Comeback” and say (this time) your gonna attract what your worth having.  Its not a problem with men … its a problem with your men … which means its a problem with you. Stop slumming … do better.

Am I right?

“I haven’t talked to you in 4 days … whats wrong”
“Haven’t talked to me … I sent you 1500 text messages. I know what you’ve been up to every hour”
“I said talk”
“What the f*ck …”

I received a few emails asking me what I think about the use of text messaging for dating in the 2000s. I’ve had a few conversations with females (and a couple guys) alerting me to the hatred of SMS (the official name for text messages if u aint know). Apparently this invention has changed the game for years to come.

Personally … I am all for them (big surprise … right).

I yearn for human contact. I love to talk (I think I like to hear my own voice … spoken or written). My female friends will tell you about the hours I spent on the phone talking about whatever … back in college. They will also tell you how it all dried up as soon as I started working.

I will admit … text messaging isn’t a complete replacement for the phone. If your thinking about a relationship with a person and you hear their voice no more than once a week … thats a problem. If someone really really really likes you … they will call to talk to you, hear your voice, or just show that they like you (women gotta call too … this goes both ways). This … I will concede.

But I enjoy the newfound freedom to catch up with that special person while waiting in line at Subway. I like being able to hear about the randomness of your day as it actually occurs. And I appreciate the fact that although full blown conversation is out of the question (the presenter running the meeting might object to you telling you girl how vicious that head game was last night) … you still wanted to share something with me. And if that means I don’t have to spend a full 4 hours on the phone catching up with you every night … then even better.

Honestly, if there is anything text messaging, emails, IMs, and the other forms of constant text based communication … its overload. Needy people become even needier. Like VSB said too much is too much.

But I can’t finish this without saying … time is precious nowadays. If I can text you in my downtime, or while busy taking over the world … isn’t that worlds better than no call at all!

Embrace the text people … just not too much for you needy, I aint got my own life, I need to talk to you every 15 minutes, “what u mean your phone was off” type of people!

The Throwback … not just a jersey from an old team … not just an old school song that reminds you of high school (or college) … but something you may have sitting on your couch right now.

Most relationships end in failure … but sometimes you thing back to an old one and wonder “why”? Sometimes when you think back about why you and that “special” person didn’t work out you realize something … maybe you weren’t mature enough … or maybe they weren’t mature enough … or maybe it was that crack problem and you being tired of your TV being stolen once a week. Whatever it was … sometimes you think … “Maybe things are different now”.

Lets take a quick second to define The Throwback …

Someone you had a previous relationship or temporary dating situation with, but it didn’t work out. This person is trying to make a comeback, is being considered for a comeback, or has is has already made a comeback.

Basically … someone you dated before who you are looking to date again.

The throwback is an interesting situation with two major schools of thought:

1. This person didn’t work out the first time around … your a damn fool for thinking different now!
2. People change, people grow, things happen … stop living in the past!

The truth of the matter is … people do change … life experiences can cause a “paradigm shift” and bring about new understanding, emotional adjustment and attitude towards life. Major life changing moments such as the death of a parent, a nasty break-up, getting someone pregnant, or losing a job can bring about the self reflection needed to change a person’s attitude for the better. Also, there was something you liked about this person before. Maybe it was the thing they did with their tounge, the way they held you at night, or what she did for you in the car!

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