Single Black Male

There is a syndrome I have noticed for many years.  A mental disorder, an abnormality, a deficiency that is plaguing scores and scores of black women.  It can be debilitating towards relationships, finding a mate, and even just interacting with others on a platonic level.

This disease is known as heightened sense of attractiveness … HSA for short.

This syndrome is can be caused by several factors.  Sometimes you just have arrogant b*tches.  I mean … there are just women no matter how homely, overweight, and beaten in the face with an ugly stick they are … they’re still convinced they look good.

Often enough friends always want to “be nice”.  They refuse to let their friends know that they’re unattractive … or even just treat them like the homely she-wolves they are.

Sometimes you have women living in the past.  They used to be cute, but haven’t mentally accepted the real world result of the extra 60 lbs they gained over the past year.  These three causes afflict both sexes though … and aren’t terribly bad.  But the third … that’s a problem.

The biggest, most logically flawed, and most damaging cause for HSA is a common misconception shared by too many women …

Guys hit on me = I am attractive

NNNNNNOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

I will say this now and let it forever be burned into the minds, thoughts, and underlying principles of any female privileged to read this … GUYS (as a collective) WILL TRY TO F*CK ANYTHING! As a result, just because there is a guy paying you attention doesn’t mean that he finds you attractive or that you are attractive to the general population.  Even if he buys you stuff, does stuff for you, or seems “great” … there ic no guarantee.

To elaborate, sometimes we’re just really really horny.  Sometimes we forget our contacts at home and can’t see your pig snout.  Sometimes we are on the search for slumpbuster.  Maybe we even bet our friends over who could get the worst looking chic.  Or maybe we just want the attention of someone … anyone.  Whatever the case … you could be a dog and still be hit on constantly.

This had to be said because there are too many women walking around with an artificially inflated sense of “I’m Hot”.  They are super picky, think their a “catch”, and actually form a sense of arrogance.  Its uncalled for and I want to personally tell all of you who fall into that category … “Stop being a b*tch … your not that hot.”

If I can educate just one female … then I have done a great service.

Go … good people of SBM … let your friends know … go up to a random fugly chic with a model strut and tell her “Your not that hot”.  Your helping make the world a better place.

**Site Note** New Poll … Whats more important to you?  Sex or Conversation **End Note**

I responded to an reader submission before where a young lady was upset at the person she was dating, who didn’t approve of her change in hairstyle.  Initially it was long and straight, and she decided to keep it natural and curly.  The ensuing problems were interesting, but we already talked about that.  The thing that really stood out to me about the email was the last sentence …

I didn’t think hair was that serious for men

WHAT!!!

Now … those of you who really know me know that I am not a very shallow person.  But … holds major weight when judging woman.  Bad hair can knock a dime to a nickel or take a possible butta-face and turn her into something you might actually want to take out in public.  Hair can work miracles.

Have you ever seen those movies or sitcoms where they take a nerdy girl and turn her into a stunner.  They only do three things to bring about this complete transformation …

1. Take off glasses.
2. Let hair fall to shoulders (they always have silky straight hair … but its always in a ponytail).

Thats it!  Hairstyle instantly turns the boring girl who you might cheat off of into the girl your passing notes to trying to cheat on your girlfriend with.

Lets illustrate this with a personal story.

I went to a friend’s cookout a long time ago.  There was a girl there who seemed cute, but I didn’t think much off.  As the night progressed we found ourselves arguing opposite ends of the same argument (oddly enough the topic was men and chivalry).  While I didn’t agree with her on anything, and her chill clothes and ponytail didn’t impress me … the ferocity with which she argued and the logic in her arguments activated my intelligence fetish and I found myself exchanging information with her later that night.

We chatted and texted, but I nothing seriously happened.  She was that intelligent and cool girl who was … alright.  Then one day she proposed we do sushi and since I was free … I obliged.

I came to pick her up … and she came out with what looked like hair straight out the salon.  It was short, straight, and shoulder length, but kind of fell into her eye the whole night as we talked.  Nothing special … but was doing wonders for her.  She instantly jumped 5 points in my book and soon succumbed to the full force of the Billy Dee like game (which got activated) … very much because of the way those 8 hairs fell across her face when she got into my car.

I love an extreme assortment of hair styles, but I think short and naturals are starting to win me over … and I still detest weaves.  Don’t let a girl with short hair looking good come around me … I would do some of the nastiest things to her body treat her like the queen she is.

I know I’m not the only guy who feels this way!

I hate to admit it, but I have been watching “Flavor of Love” since the first season. During the first season, I fought it or a long time, but I got caught by a marathon and got hooked. The show really is bad for black people and portrays us in a very negative light, but its worst than crack.

When I first started watching this show, I was jealous … very jealous … almost hater jealous. You had a guy who was ugly, had a bunch of kids, no class, and no sense … and you had like 15 gorgeous and beautiful women (mixed in with a couple of bucket heads) who are fighting over him … and ready to be a hoe in front of the camera to win him. And to aid him in his decision, he gets a house, a butler, and access to some spectacular dates and experiences, in order to find “true love” with one of these women. Yet … he has failed so many times. It makes you wonder … will it ever work? And then it makes you think … would it work for any other guy (or girl)?

For most people … given a situation like Flavor Flav’s … they will fail!

And I mean anyone who has more than one person knowingly fighting for them. This could be the guy who just has 3 women fighting for their attention, the model at the club getting looks from all over, or the guy who has a girlfriend and a mistress fighting for number one. You might end with a number, a date, even some p*ssy … but not “true love”. Here are some reasons:

Human nature is to win

There is a good chance that the person will quickly forget why they are fighting for your attention. They may have started out because of a genuine attraction to you … but at some point they just want to win. They may realize that your no longer the person they want to be with … but they just gotta beat that other b*tch..

The “Prize” will always be seen as a trophy

(more…)

I don’t know why … but its so hard for a girl to keep my interest.

Guess I just jumped into that one kind of quick. No antidote, no interesting story, no joke … right to the point. So lets work backwards on this post … see how that works out.

I have talked to a few other guys, some seem to share this same thing. I don’t dare ask a black women for her opinion, afraid of getting the “All you black men are like that. Can”t commit! Can’t settle down! Just wanna f*ck everything!” speech. While I do think it plagues guys more than women … its a serious problem … for me at least.

Its crazy the amount of times I have just lost interest. It comes like a thief in the night too. Sadly, there is often no warning, no precedent, and no logic. At some point we’re talking, things are good, then suddenly the calls dry up. I’m not proud of it, but I just can’t muster the strength to call the person back.

My good female friend has given me two theories.

The First: Its me. I get bored easily. I need strong conversation, great personality, and a resume that impresses me. In addition, I’m lazy about things, so therefore it takes a lot for me to not be lazy and hold interest.

The Second: I meet and entertain a lot of bucket heads. I have no business really talking to these girls in the first place and I need to do a better job at picking high quality females.

There is some truth in both of these, but my friend is a little to “harsh” … so we’ll just reject both of them.

After a bit of soul searching and analysis … I think I have made a few discoveries.

• I’m lazy in pursuing maintaining contact with females.
• I do entertain the company of several girls I know are worth talking to.
• I hate calling.
• I really hate calling.
• Women just aren’t the priority in my life they used to be. Got bigger “fish to fry”.
• I’m addicted to good, intelligent conversation … and thats not always easy to come by.
• I’m slightly judgmental … so I’m compiling my list of Fundamental Character Flaw’s … although conversation is “good”

I have also noticed a few things that have been helpful in crushing this ADD.

• Females who aren’t afraid to call: This helps me get over my not calling issue. I rarely ignore a phone call and once I have experienced the addicting conversation I crave … calling is no longer an issue
• Females who aren’t pressuring me for anything: I don’t like to be asked about when I’m taking you to dinner next, when you can bogart the calendar, or when I plan to get married. Focus on getting to know me and the reverse. Everything else happens in time.
• Females showing genuine interest: I’m not trying to get played, simped, or used for food or movies. Also, if I think someone is not feeling me, what reason do I have to call and pursue you?

So … hopefully … this doens’t plague me for the rest of my life. Hopefully I’ll meet the person that keeps my interest forever. Also, I’m pretty sure I have Adult ADD by the way (you wouldn’t believe how many times I got distracted just writing this post) … maybe thats the reason … eh.

I know there is someone else who chronically loses interest too. I know someone has some tips, hints, or methods.

I remember back in college actually having to convince some of my female friends the club wasn’t a good place to meet their boyfriend. To me … I was shocked that I had to actually argue this point. I thought it was clear to everyone that the club was for finding one night stands, jumpoffs, and bucket heads … not Ms. (or Mr.) Right.

Why is the club tailored to those looking for temporary love? What is it about the club that is poisionous to the creation of true love? Why is any relationship formed in the club almost always doomed to fail? Simple … the Club Mentality.

I can’t speak for everyone, every club, everywhere, but generally speaking, the club is the definition of … “the frenzy”. There is a lot of liquor involved, its an enviroment solely focused on social interactions between men and women. The music is too loud for conversation. Lights are dim and liquor flows freely. Its one of the few places you can walk behind a female, start grind on her ass … and not break any laws or be arrested. Rules, laws, and social norms that are upheld on “the outside” … simply don’t apply here. Its a different world.

A lot of guys go to the club to take a girl home with them. They are often the most aggressive too. In addition, as a guy, you know more girls are going to be open to conversation as opposed to the “real world” … so you don’t have to worry about “bothering” someone. While physically abusing a girl is still just as wrong, all those overly aggressive moves you had to retire are now allowed and often practiced. Also, for some reason, a fight is now a possibility. While at work your calm, on the road you let people pass you, but in the club … let someone scuff your sneakers or spill your drink … bout to be a misunderstanding!

For the ladies, you know that someone is going to disrespect you. Your ass will be grabbed, someone is going to pull your arm and not want to let go, and somebody is going to be overly aggressive about getting your number. A guy is going to come up to you and start “dancing” … which is closer to sex than anything else, but for some reason … tonight its OK. And while your open to conversation for any “cute” guy who is “acting right” … you also prepared a set of statement for those … “showing their ass”.

In both cases … your not thinking or acting logically. Your not the same person that you are at work, or in the grocery store, or while walking down the street. I know the thought of sleeping with someone I have known for less than 24 hours suddenly seems more appealing to me … personally. And once that liquid courage (alcohol) gets in the system … Mild mannered SBM suddenly becomes … well this post isn’t about me …

Not only is the person you meet at the club not a valid representation of this person, but its hard to take anyone as serious in the club. I’m thinking about different things, the “standards” your getting judged by are significantly different, and honestly … even if I meet Ms. Right … I still might do something stupid and probably will try to cheapen something that could have been nice. Its sad, but its so true.

I will say, there are certain lounges, Happy Hours, and upscale lounges that can provide a relatively healthy meeting place for single individuals … but that isn’t the norm.

Feel me?