Single Black Male

Misogyny is defined as: Hatred of, or hostility toward, women.

I am a reformed misogynist.

I hated women at one point in my life (Black Women to be exact). I see the same thing happening (here in my very own comments section too), so I figured I would share my story.

I used to be a very bitter Single Black Male (not the case anymore). A misogynist in the truest form. I was mad because I had groomed myself to be exactly what women had told me they wanted. I was nice, I was honest, I was ready to be a monogamist, I was educated, and I was a romantic. I listened to all my female friends, I took everything they complained about and made sure to stamp out all those things. I was the textbook, movie, novel perfect man. Only one problem

I was getting no play (read: pussy)!

I mean nothing. Barely any dates, seemed like every number I got into lead to a dead end, and my penis would look up me and frown because he hadn’t seen action in a time too long to even say in public. Personally, I think the build up of testosterone had a lot to do with my disgruntled mood, but I haven’t been able to find any scientific backing.

With this newfound anger that I was the perfect man and yet women didn’t want me, I got on my soapbox. I told anyone who would listen (even had a little blog about it).

Suddenly, women were stupid, they didn’t know what they want, they were illogical (well … that was true), and the biggest point that I repeatedly said … the one thing I would drive home to anyone … was that all women wanted thugs.

I called it the “Thug Theory” and promised to write a book about it. I did “investigative” work into why they loved “thugs”, crafted elaborate definitions of the “thug” and damn near had a doctorate ready thesis ready, filled with reasons why Black women were stupid.

So how did I make the metamorphosis into the well adjusted man you know and love now. Well … I started getting girls.

I started listening to my male friends more. I dropped a couple pounds. But the biggest thing … I got my swagger back.

Now, I look back at this old person and laugh. I can honestly admit that I was just angry and bitter. Being able to look back and realize the problem. Now I’m happy, and I’m single and loving it. I still want a girlfriend, but I get enough “play” that I don’t complain. Also, the swagger has come to stay, the game is solid, and … well … life is good.

Do you know an angry man? Are you that angry man?

If your a woman, and you know this angry man … give him a little head … you’ll be improving relations for everybody!

I recently wrote about the two things that women (well … one woman) want, so I only felt it fitting to talk about the 3 things that a guy needs to truly keep him happy. This is according to the great comedian Chris Rock, but I just so happen to agree. So lets examine.

Feed Me

We, as men, enjoy food. We all enjoy different food at different times, but we like to eat. Prime time for a good meal is right when you come home. Your probably tired, have been in traffic for hours, and your stomach is just letting you and the world know that its dinner time. But wait … the hungry man … he can’t cook … and if he can … he probably doesn’t want to.

While this is the least important of the 3, it sure is nice to have your significant other make you a meal. A woman who cooks for her man is a great great woman.

F*ck Me

This doesn’t apply to everyone now. There are guys who just aren’t interested in sex and don’t require it. For the rest of the 99% with working penises … its pretty high on the list. And it can’t be some boring missionary, really quiet, plain ordinary sex. If you want to keep him happy, better be some falling off the bed, moving to the bathroom, back flips, whip cream, put it anywhere, hair pulling type sex.

And also don’t be stingy. If you have a headache, then take some advil. If your neck hurts, get a brace. If your coochy is sore, then give some head.

But really … this is self explanitory.

Shut The F*ck Up

Here is where i get cursed out!

This is the hardest one of the 3, but differentiates the good ones from the great ones. Getting someone to cook a meal for you … really not that hard (although getting harder in these times). Getting sex … well thats the easiest thing. Getting your woman (or even just the woman your sleeping with) to actually be quiet and give you personal time … well … you got a challenge.

I personally love to talk, but damn if I don’t love to have time to myself. Let me watch my game, play my Xbox, play with my computer, or finish up something for my boss before I go to sleep!

So … thats it. 3 things. It’ll keep him happy. I won’t go and say anything asinine like “these 3 things are all I need to be happy”, but I will say that if all of them happen in this order by someone I care for after work … I’ll be happy that night for sure!

It’s 1965 and you’re a 26-year-old white guy. You have a factory job, or maybe you work for an insurance broker. Either way, you’re married, probably have been for a few years now; you met your wife in high school, where she was in your sister’s class. You’ve already got one kid, with another on the way. For now, you’re renting an apartment in your parents’ two-family house, but you’re saving up for a three-bedroom ranch house in the next town. Yup, you’re an adult!

Now meet the twenty-first-century you, also 26. You’ve finished college and work in a cubicle in a large Chicago financial-services firm. You live in an apartment with a few single guy friends. In your spare time, you play basketball with your buddies, download the latest indie songs from iTunes, have some fun with the Xbox 360, take a leisurely shower, massage some product into your hair and face—and then it’s off to bars and parties, where you meet, and often bed, girls of widely varied hues and sizes. They come from everywhere: California, Tokyo, Alaska, Australia. Wife? Kids? House? Are you kidding?

Taken straight from an article entitled Child-Man in the Promised Land, this article goes on to explain the “problem” that is the new creation they call the “Single Young Male”, or SYM for short. It goes on to describe the new “man-child” creation that has shirked the responsibilities he father and father’s father held at his age and how he is enjoying a newfound freedom in rebellion of well established “social norms”.

While I can’t agree with the overly bleak outlook “apparently all SYMs are bums and may never learn to be men” … I do agree with this powerful and important shift in social norms.

Another quote I found interesting:

“All woman [want] is security,” she quotes an early Playboy article complaining. “And she is perfectly willing to crush man’s adventurous freedom-loving spirit to get it.”

Truer words have never been spoken! Well … just like how there was a well earned and well deserved women’s rights movement earning women many long denied and well deserved rights and justices, this new age has allowed us new rights and privileges that were deemed as unacceptable a few years ago.

There are certain components which are unhealthy, but overall an article like this helps to explain the male infatuation with Friends With Benefits and the hatred many women seem to have with the concept.

I am happy to proudly say I am a Single Young Male. I am in my mid twenties, make very good money, own and play my Xbox regularly, love to go out, love to drink, own property, have a motorcycle, and am enjoying my independence and freedom while rarely thinking of things like marriage and children. I do aspire to achieve these things in my lifetime, but I don’t see a need to have either one by 26. I guess I’m “living the life”. I think men of the past saw the need of a female to help him achieve things, but with the extreme demands of the new “corporate world”, I think many of us see a wife and kids as a burden or something holding back our personal success.

From my experiences, a lot of comments, and testimonies by friends … the mid 20’s seems to be an extremely interesting and turmoiled time for men and women. On one hand you have women still ready to settle down and have a permanent fixture of the opposite sex in their life, while we … the male … want to f*ck, drink, and play Xbox. The 30’s male seems to be more similar to the mid 20’s female … but maybe thats just me. Maybe in another 100 years it will all work out.

I can be often heard professing examples of how nice of a guy I am. I have attempted to expose my soft and romantic side to the world. I have suppressed the jaded anger that I have accumulated over the years. I have tried to be nice … but no matter what … I guess I will always be the bad guy.

Before I continue … this is dedicated to my sister by another mother … The Comeback Girl … because I just can’t win.

A comment from my recent post made me think, as a Single Black Male, I don’t get a break. I came to this conclusion back in college, and as time goes on … it has gotten better … but we continue to get blamed for the negative actions of our counterparts … until we transform into them … seeing no benefit in being “good”. When I say we … I mean us “good” guys … the nice ones.

Lets examine the transformation of the “nice guy”.

(more…)

“You and Marcus been chilling hard for a minute … you two dating now?”
“Hell naw girl … thats just my FAB!”

He is always around you. You talk late into the night. You’ve slept with him … as in the same bed … but he didn’t touch you. You have cried in his arms after the guy you were sleeping with dumped you. He has taken care of you when you were sick. He has picked you up when your “man” was tripping. He is one of your best friends.

One problem … he is hopelessly in love with you … and you don’t want to believe it. This is your FAB … aka Fake Ass Boyfriend.

What makes him a Fake Ass Boyfriend though? Boyfriend? Its simple really. Your FAB provides all of the benefits of a boyfriend … companionship, emotional support, paid dates and dinners, all that good stuff … but he gets none of the benefits. While I feel relationships benefit women more than men, there are some benefits for us (*cough* … sex) such as monogamy and … well something … but the FAB gets none. In addition, your probably dating other guys that pale in comparison to this guy, and love to tell him all about it.

Yes … this poor excuse of a man is your FAB. You think he is your friend, your convinced he is nothing more than a buddy, you would even put money on it … but really he is just too soft let his intentions known. Women love attention, time, emotions, and all that soft sh*t. This sucker thinks if he provides them to you long enough, he will eventually win your heart … but this poor chump is mistaken.

As a case study, I will use the #1 FAB of all time … Steve Urkel.  Actually, he had a step up on a lot of these “new age FABs” … because he was quick to tell Laura he loved her.  There was no doubt in her mind.  In Laura’s case, she decided to continue treating Steve as a friend.  Maybe she thought if she acted like it and believed hard enough … Steve would eventually give up his infatuation and become nothing more than a friend.  Poor Steve.

I plea with any woman reading this … please let these poor guys go.  Let them move on and actually pursue someone who likes them back.  The #1 excuse given to me by females when presented with this is “I can’t control him.  If he wants to mow my lawn and take out my trash … thats on him.  He should know I’m not interested”.  But the thing you fail to realize is … this poor guy is incapable of letting go.

These FABs are also known as simps, punks, marks, punk marks, mark ass b*tches, bitch ass marks, punk b*tches, punk ass b*tches, punk tricks, trick ass marks, soft ass punk b*tches, etc.

Women … ready to let your FABs go and become the real man they need to be???
FABs … tired of being a punk b*tch ass mark and have guys like me laughing at you???