Single Black Male

I was gonna take this day off and go relax … but comments yesterday forced me to say a few words on the subject.  If there is one thing the “blogoshpere” is not lacking … its some woman begging, pleading, and compaining about chivalry, the lack of it, or why it has degnerated over time.

*irritating brain rattling mentally drained quadruple sigh*

I have already talked about how Chivalry is DEAD … well … Mortally Wounded, so I won’t go into depth about it this time.  Chivalry is dead and its untimely death can be attributed to a healthy percentage of women robbing us of the desire to be “chivalrous”.

I always hear about why us men must be more chivalrous, about how every woman deserves these extreme acts just because their a woman and why we are “not men” because of changes in societal norms.

I think my biggest problem is there never ever seems to be any talk of what women do to deserve such treatment.

Apparently you don’t have to earn such treatment … apparently having a p*ssy garuntees it.  *sigh*.

Well … I am a kind soul.  I treat people in general with respect and kindness and I will always treat deserving women with the utmost kindness that they deserve.  But I will not promote, condone, or support this ludicrous notion that your special for just being a female.  Your not allowed to be selfish and self centered and still expect treatment reserved for the good ones.

Good people are special and deserving because of the size of their hearts and the actions they show the people in their lives!

P*ssy != Special!

Mom … I know your not reading this … but I love you.  Your soul and generous spirit is what I base the prototype on … thanks for giving me a good basis to guide me in my search for a good woman.

One of my good friends in the blogosphere, Comeback Girl, canceled her text messaging plan because she felt that it was ruining her dating life. In a humorous “prank” call (I call it a prank cause it was funny and ludicrous), she let the rep know that apparently men text messaging her was in violation to the classic laws of chivalry.  So … now no man (friend, family member, loved one, etc) is capable of text messaging her and the call was ended with “maybe now I can find a husband”.

*super deep soul wrenching triple sigh*

Let me start by agreeing …

I do believe that when text messaging is the sole form of communication and a person is impossible to meet in person or reach over the phone, this is bad.  Obviously she shouldn’t reserve you to nothing more than 160 character messages littered with “OMG”, “SMH”, and “LOL”.  If they really have an interest in you, this person is going to want to hear your voice, see you in person, and talk to you.

Now … here is where I “respectfully” disagree …

GROW UP AND EXCEPT CHANGE

Whew … I feel better.

Phones have not always been around.  There was a time where you could not call the person you liked.  You had to write letters, buy stamps, mail them off, and communicate that way.  If they lived locally, you just stopped by in the hopes that they were home and available.  If they were gone or busy, you took your ass back home and tried again some other time.

When the phone came around, did people say “What’s this bullsh*t!  If he likes me … he wouldn’t call me … he would show up at my house and leave me a note.  I don’t play this ‘technology’ thing.  I want chivalry!”?

I hope not … cause it sounded stupid just typing it.

As we move forward in time … there are new forms of communication.  We hold on to older ones for their purposes, but we embrace and utilize the new ones.  Just because there is email … we didn’t give up on the postal system.  Just because there are cars don’t mean we have to walk 10 miles to show a person we love them.  Most of these new things allow us greater access to the people we love and care about.

When I’m in a meeting and can’t call the love of my life, but I see a missed call from her … a simple “I’m in a meeting text” is better than the no response she would get before. Kinda shows I care enough for her not to worry.

I actually dated someone with no cell phone period.  It was horrible.  I couldn’t catch them on their way to or from work.  There was no “I miss you” texts during the day and as soon as the time of our jobs shifted … communication became near impossible.

If killing texts is going to get someone a husband/wife … then all of us that are single and searching should cancel our cell phones and just have a house phone, disable all of our email accounts, give up on IM, and no fax machines either.  Since the person will have to make sure that they call you at the exact 4 hours a day you are at home … then they must love you! (Or your cheating on them and don’t want to give them easy access).

Please … everybody who buys into this … lets cut the bullsh*t.  Embrace the great things technology has brought us … just ensure their not misused and abused. Stop making these crazy demands under some archaic principles. The problem isn’t the text messages … the problem is the person who is sending you nothing but them.  Attack the problem at its core.   Life will be better …

Text messages has not and will never kill romance … people who don’t care kill romance!

“Where is the love?”

Yes … where is the love.

I don’t know how many people watch the fights, bickering, name calling, and overall destructive behavior that often unfolds itself everyday on the comments section.  If you do … you might be mentally drained such as myself.

Its funny how often it seems the comments of a few (with one person in particular) can often incite attacks disguised as “defence” from others.  Its funny how the flamers, the attackers, the “mean people” aren’t ignored and laughed at … but instead given the fuel that they need to bring everyone else into the daily yelling match.

Some of the words, insults, and deragatory terms I have seen aren’t sutable for public consumption … and it shames me to think that they were used from one Black man to a Black womana and from one Black woman to another.

So … what does this have to do with Black dating, love, and relationships … well … it serves as an example of one of the core problems affecting relations between Black Men & Women everywhere.



Why is it when one man grabs your ass inappropriately, all men are unfairly labeled as no good dogs that treat women as objects?

Why is it when one woman makes a comment about loving money and wanting her rent to be paid … all women become gold diggers?

Why is it when one man cheats on his wife with an ugly person, all men are suddenly no good liars that can’t be trusted?

Why is it when one woman make outrageous claims of her man while giving nothing, all women are suddenly selfish b*tches?



I know that a lot of my theories do rely on some generalizing, but I also don’t feel like I walk around holding every women to some of the things that I say and believe.  I don’t feel the need to snap and go crazy on every dumb and stupid comment I hear from member’s of the opposite sex … there are better things to do with my life.

Its hard to put my finger exactly on the core of the problem. Maybe people need to personally take the “higher road” more often. Maybe everyone should just exercise my “chill” lifestyle. Maybe its something deeper that we can’t fix ourselves … wait … naw … thats a cop out.

I love to debate … I love to have intellectual arguments that use evidence to prove a point.  I don’t go insulting someone’s paygrade.  I don’t belittle someone for their weight. I don’t go insulting someone because of their children. I don’t need to insult someone for their choice in who they sleep with.

So … to the people who know I’m talking to them … grow up.

To everyone … everywhere … just take the high road sometimes.  Not every battle is worth fighting, and when you start treating people like Kings & Queens instead of bitches & niggas … everyone benefits.

Just had to get that one off my chest …

“Man … I bought that girl a drink and didn’t even get the number”
“Ha ha … you simp ass b*tch”

This conversation occurred so many times in college its not even funny. I tell people to this day that me and all my friends had an official policy about buying drinks for women while in school, and for the years following … don’t do it!

I can actually remember the first time I bought a girl a drink that I didn’t know. I was in Atlanta and had just graduated, so early 20s. I had already signed my offer letter and knew how much I would be making, so I was living on credit and enjoying life (don’t worry … I had an internship and . I was spending plenty of money on myself … strip clubs … alcohol … you know … the usual.

Basically … I was chatting it up with this pretty young thang … hitting her with the Billy Dee like game. At some point she hints that I need to buy her a drink (something like “I need to get my night started”). At this point … time froze … and I was forced to think quick. Do I give her an excuse, potentially throwing away all the good game I had spit and time I had invested (about 15 minutes … but hey … time is time). So … I asked for the number right then and there … knowing in my head her response would govern who paid for her drink. She put them and her name into my phone (I think its still there too) … so I got her an Apple Washington … and unbeknown to her … she popped my cherry.

I had to physically have the number in my possession before I felt comfortable buying a drink. And trust … little has changed.

Why do I need to buy a woman a drink if we are having good conversation and you are interested in me? Do you need verification that I have money? Are you incapable of buying your own drink? Or is it a power play to see what you can get from me?

In support of my “Don’t buy em drinks” campaign … I have all kinds of stories from female friends. One friend got the drink, ducked under the guy’s arm, and yelled thank you over her shoulder as she headed back to the floor. And there are a million more where they guy got little to know acknowledgment or a half assed thank you

I could go on for days about this one … but basically … at the end of the day … I just don’t know you well enough to spend my money on you. Most women don’t go around giving handjobs to everyone that asks or talks to them … so why should I come out my pockets when all I have is a name and a blurb about you?

If I came in with you, or I know you from outside the club … completely different. I have little problem with it. But there is little you can say to me in 15 minutes of conversation for me to roll the dice for $15 at you being in the small percentage of quality.

And please believe … I’ll be a Trump Tycoon individual still giving girls the stink eye when they ask for drinks!