Single Black Male

Its 6pm and I’m just making it onto the metro. I’m tired after a long day and am ready to go home and force myself into the gym (or sit on the couch and think about it). I sit down and open my issue of “The Economist” and read about Bill Gates leaving Microsoft.

At the next stop … something on the floor catches my eye. Its a toe … actually a set of them. They are rocking a fresh french manicure (so sexy) and are resting in a pair open toed stilletos. My interest is piqued.

I continue to move my eyes upward as Bill Gates starts to lose my attention. I see some gold straps wrapped around the smoothest caramel skin and a set of tall slender legs. I continue my trek North to find exposed and toned thighs under a short body hugging skirt. Who is Bill Gates again?

Now … my jaw drops. Ass for days is an understatement. And not only is it large … but its perfectly rounded. The tight skirt hugs every curve just right and I marvel at the feats that have been made in clothing production … because its amazing anything can hold all that together without ripping.

A slender waist greets me on my way to a set of just … heavenly mounds. Their close to perfect … hell … they are perfect. Round, perky, well formed. She is turned to the side … so I get a nice side view and can make out all the details. Her hair drapes down the open back of her top … silky and with a heavenly sheen. Something you want to play with as she lays on your chest. It covers more of the silky smooth skin that I was treated to before.

She is looking forward reading the metro map … her face just out of view. My mind races … what to say? How do I approach her? Is my breath straight? I only have a few seconds before I launch into my approach.

She finishes reading. I hold my breath … steadying my nerves … anticipation at its highest. I forget where I am. I don’t remember where I’m going. I only have one thing on my mind.

Until I see her face …

I have heard of being hit with an ugly stick … but GOTDAMN! Like a whole fleet of ugly trains ran over her … then someone mad at the world just decided to take out their agression on the remains of her face. Its like a perfect storm of unattractiveness … all concentrated onto this one place.

If I wasn’t such a Christian … I would question His’ existance.

So … does it matter? I mean … the body is 90% of her physical form. The prototype from the neck down is still pretty good … right? Does this butter-face (everything looks good but-her face) not deserve at least a little bit of my attention? Doesn’t ass & titties conquer all? Hmmmm … decisions decisions.

What would you do?

This Saturday … after spending the day riding to Baltimore and back … I came back to my house and prepared myself to play video games and fall asleep (no late night booty calls this time … a day of motorcycle riding left me sore). I recall my friend DH calling me earlier. He has a girlfriend and is only allowed out on certain nights … I found out he had the night off … but he wasn’t trying to go out. Aww well … I’m gonna get some good time with Halo.

Ring … Ring … DH Calls

“So … What we doing tonight”
“Nothing … unless you really want to do something”
“I do”

A little negotiating and a call to one of my few platonic female friends, DB and I now have plans to hang out in Adam’s Morgan (A DC hotspot) and chill at an overly popular lounge there. It works, I don’t need to pretty myself and maybe I’ll find Mrs. SBM.  I definitely wasn’t expecting to witness what I would see later that night.

Now we’re at the lounge. DH sees two of his friends, two I have met. He goes over to chat for a lil and then comes over. As we sit down on the oddly colored couch and I sip on my chai, a group of 5 girls walk in … all of them from my alma mater (my friend DH and my female friend DB all went there with me). One girl, cute but a bit overweight, goes over to one of DH’s friends and gives him a long hug.

So my friend informs me he was there when he met her 2 nights ago and his friend was there to meet her. Well … she wastes no time “reconnecting”.

She talks with him. Sits on his leg … gets close … and finds a nice resting place between his legs.

He buys her a drink, she giggles at his jokes … its obvious things are going good and she is feeling him.

But wait … suddenly she backs up off him and puts some distance between herself and her “friend”. What happened? Did he say something stupid … did he get “fresh” … did she spill a drink on his lap?

Wait … who is this new guy? Why is she introducing him to her love interest of 5 minutes ago? Why is she leaving with her arm in his? Man … my friend’s friend must have had that weak game.

So … me … the nosy person I am … go approach this guy to see what happened. I’ve gone out with him before … I’ve met him before … I feel I can get in his business a little.

I approach him and after two seconds of reintrocudtions … I ask ”so … what happened … how come your friend left?”

“That was her boyfriend … she had to leave”
“WOW!!!! These b*tches … thats f*cked up”
“Naw man … I’m not even mad … she is supposed to be calling me in an hour”

WTF!!!!

And I’m supposed to trust women …