Single Black Male

“Where is the love?”

Yes … where is the love.

I don’t know how many people watch the fights, bickering, name calling, and overall destructive behavior that often unfolds itself everyday on the comments section.  If you do … you might be mentally drained such as myself.

Its funny how often it seems the comments of a few (with one person in particular) can often incite attacks disguised as “defence” from others.  Its funny how the flamers, the attackers, the “mean people” aren’t ignored and laughed at … but instead given the fuel that they need to bring everyone else into the daily yelling match.

Some of the words, insults, and deragatory terms I have seen aren’t sutable for public consumption … and it shames me to think that they were used from one Black man to a Black womana and from one Black woman to another.

So … what does this have to do with Black dating, love, and relationships … well … it serves as an example of one of the core problems affecting relations between Black Men & Women everywhere.



Why is it when one man grabs your ass inappropriately, all men are unfairly labeled as no good dogs that treat women as objects?

Why is it when one woman makes a comment about loving money and wanting her rent to be paid … all women become gold diggers?

Why is it when one man cheats on his wife with an ugly person, all men are suddenly no good liars that can’t be trusted?

Why is it when one woman make outrageous claims of her man while giving nothing, all women are suddenly selfish b*tches?



I know that a lot of my theories do rely on some generalizing, but I also don’t feel like I walk around holding every women to some of the things that I say and believe.  I don’t feel the need to snap and go crazy on every dumb and stupid comment I hear from member’s of the opposite sex … there are better things to do with my life.

Its hard to put my finger exactly on the core of the problem. Maybe people need to personally take the “higher road” more often. Maybe everyone should just exercise my “chill” lifestyle. Maybe its something deeper that we can’t fix ourselves … wait … naw … thats a cop out.

I love to debate … I love to have intellectual arguments that use evidence to prove a point.  I don’t go insulting someone’s paygrade.  I don’t belittle someone for their weight. I don’t go insulting someone because of their children. I don’t need to insult someone for their choice in who they sleep with.

So … to the people who know I’m talking to them … grow up.

To everyone … everywhere … just take the high road sometimes.  Not every battle is worth fighting, and when you start treating people like Kings & Queens instead of bitches & niggas … everyone benefits.

Just had to get that one off my chest …

“Man … look at her.  She’s georgeous”
“What?  Who are you talking about?”
“That girl right there in the pink with the track body”
“What the f*ck?  She’s like 98 pounds, no ass, no titties.  Gimme that one standing right behind her.  Hmmmph”
“Are you serious?  Why would you want that fat ass?”
“Because dawg … she has a phat ass”

I will tell you right now … I am person #2.  Skinny girls scare me and I need some meet on my bones.

Now, don’t get me wrong … I’m not talking about that 350 lbs super thick chick that can’t move right.  I don’t have any big girl fetish or anything crazy like that … but I like ass … and I really like breasts.  By accepting just a little baby fat … I don’t have to settle or search the world for a thin waist and … exaggerated assets.

Also, when I say skinny … i really mean skinny.  Not lean, not average … but “damn … when was the last time she had a hamburger” skinny.  Model skinny (Tyra Banks excluded).  No ass or titties skinny … yet I have plenty of friends loving the look.

When I see a skinny chic, a bunch of things run through my mind.  All these scenarios of me holding her up with one hand, pushing her against the wall, and doing acrobatic moves with her run through my mind … but then the reality of it all settles in … and soon I think of the reasons why … Skinny girls scare me:

1. Will I break her?
   • I’m no small guy (Over 6′ and 200+ lbs) … and have been (unfairly … kinda) given the label of a “sex freak” by friends.  Do I have to worry that you can’t hang?  Do I have to be concerned that when I’m trying to give it to you … you might not be able to take it?  Hmmm
2. Can you cook? Are you broke?  Eating disorder?
   
   • Now, obesity is a problem and I’m not saying I want obese women … but why are you so skinny?  Can’t afford food?  Can’t cook and you can just make salads?  Are you anorexic?  I just don’t need to deal with convincing you to eat or looking at me funny while I crush my wings and mumbo sauce.
3. Where did your ass go?
   • Its possibly to be skinny and have an ass (this one doesn’t apply to you), but chance are your not walking around with the proverbial … donkey.  And I can live with that … but where did your breasts go?
4. Where did your breasts go?
   • Absolutely inexcusable!!!!
5. Are you going to eat?
   • I am a big fan of good food, cooking, and trying new food.  Around the 4th time you turn down trying the steak on my plate because “this salad is really filling” … its going to be a wrap.

Anyways … I like a little meat on my bones.  Too big is just as bad as too skinny … but don’t give me Kate Moss … give me Toccarra!!!

Any lovers of the thick sista?  Anyone who wants him (or her) a backside to grab onto?

It can’t just be me …

“You know I want to be with you.  You know I want to put that ring on your finger, give you the moon, the stars, the world … but I can’t.”
“Why can’t you?”
“My job … my career … my goals!  I don’t want to come to you half accomplished”
“But I don’t care about that stuff”
“BUT I DO!”

This conversation has played throughout history.  Its been played out on sitcoms.  Exemplified in movies.  There are articles on it.  Dads and Moms have been asked about this countless times by their offsprings.  Its an age old question with a simple answer.

Can I manage my career and life goals while being committed to another person?

Answer: Uhhhh … kinda … maybe

A little about me …

I am very career and goal oriented.  When people ask me what I want out of life, I literally respond with “I want to rule the world” and then follow up with “I have to be the black Bill Gates”.  I started drafting company ideas in high school, I read about the great tech leaders of our time for fun, and I’m addicted to learning and hope to pick up about 3 more degrees before I leave this world.

So … this topic hits close to home.  Questions I have asked myself:

“Can I manage a fortune 500 company and still give my wife the world?”
“Suppose I get a great opportunity in Tokyo, do I have to consider the fact my girlfriend won’t move?”
“If I have to work 80 hour weeks, will my ‘boo’ be mad?”
“Will I ever care enough about someone else to put my own goals on hold?”

Honestly, I still haven’t been able to answer any of them.  I just don’t know.  At times I feel like I’m just being selfish.  At times I’m like “f* that … gotta do me first”.  Sometimes I just can’t think about it because its late and I’m already 15 minutes behind my personal deadline. Will the success of a family be enough?  Is it better to attain all of my outlandish goals at the expense of Mrs. SBM?

Decision … Decisions.

I remember a friend in college … got an offer with Microsoft.  His girlfriend made it clear “I’m not moving to Seattle (Redmond to be exact)” … and he didn’t go.  At the time I thought “that’s the stupidest sh*t I’ve ever heard! Stop being soft and take that position!” … but he didn’t … and he’s doing extremely well still (with a new gf too).

I know I know the first thing I’m gonna hear “well … just pick the right person who will support you in everything you do” … please.  That would and possibly will be great … but can’t always count on that.  Other people have their own jobs, house, money, goals … and if their no in tune with mine … someone has to win.  So … lets not just assume there is some perfect Michelle Obama out there … let that inner pessimist out.

At the end of the day … something is gonna happen.  Guess there is no point in sweating over it now … right?

Any pearls of wisdom for this troubled 20-something? Any “n*gga stop crying” or “f* these b*tches” for me?

Its Friday yet again … time for me to let some things off my chest.

• Work is killing me … I think my health is deteriorating again. There was this project, I thought “Hey … this project will run about a month, and it will look really good if I manage it … so what if its a little more work”. Well … that was about 3-4 months ago. Project is going great, and people love it … but the idea of me managing others still is just nuts. This is why I don’t comment as much … a brother is working … hard!
• BTW … as a result … brotha just got promoted.
• This makes me think about balancing work and a relationship. How do you balance attempting to take over the world while making sure your woman is fulfilled completely?  Does something have to suffer, or do you just magically do it all?
• Obama and his wife.  Is she really cool with it all?  Is she really the supportive black woman that she portrays on TV, or does she really feel neglected?  I kind of think he does out and attempts to personally rewrite history, and then she proceeds to let him know that he aint sh*t without her … or says “lick me b*tch”.  IDK … I just foresee it.
• I really love girls from the south.  I’ve said this before, but figured I needed to say it again.
• I have a subscription to the Economist and do read it on the regular (one of my degrees is in Economics).  Kind of insulted someone questioned this because I like my music Chopped & Screwed.  I tell ya … ignorance … it holds us back.
• To address the issue of the “butter-face”, I would beat the brakes off it … but nothing more.  I couldn’t see myself seriously dating someone I would have to squint at to look in the face … but … that banging body could get pleased.  Gotta be honest …
• I am pretty big in stereotyping.  Hell … girls from different regions get different treatment … but I’ll be damned if I’m changing … I stand by my stereotypes (except white women and head … Life has shown me that there are some forms of racial equality).
• I think I’m getting soft … I’ll elaborate some other time … but just know that its a problem.

So … I’m not selfish … I love you all … my familia.  I want everyone to clear their throat.  Let loose all those random things on your chest that need a public forum.

RANT!

Its 6pm and I’m just making it onto the metro. I’m tired after a long day and am ready to go home and force myself into the gym (or sit on the couch and think about it). I sit down and open my issue of “The Economist” and read about Bill Gates leaving Microsoft.

At the next stop … something on the floor catches my eye. Its a toe … actually a set of them. They are rocking a fresh french manicure (so sexy) and are resting in a pair open toed stilletos. My interest is piqued.

I continue to move my eyes upward as Bill Gates starts to lose my attention. I see some gold straps wrapped around the smoothest caramel skin and a set of tall slender legs. I continue my trek North to find exposed and toned thighs under a short body hugging skirt. Who is Bill Gates again?

Now … my jaw drops. Ass for days is an understatement. And not only is it large … but its perfectly rounded. The tight skirt hugs every curve just right and I marvel at the feats that have been made in clothing production … because its amazing anything can hold all that together without ripping.

A slender waist greets me on my way to a set of just … heavenly mounds. Their close to perfect … hell … they are perfect. Round, perky, well formed. She is turned to the side … so I get a nice side view and can make out all the details. Her hair drapes down the open back of her top … silky and with a heavenly sheen. Something you want to play with as she lays on your chest. It covers more of the silky smooth skin that I was treated to before.

She is looking forward reading the metro map … her face just out of view. My mind races … what to say? How do I approach her? Is my breath straight? I only have a few seconds before I launch into my approach.

She finishes reading. I hold my breath … steadying my nerves … anticipation at its highest. I forget where I am. I don’t remember where I’m going. I only have one thing on my mind.

Until I see her face …

I have heard of being hit with an ugly stick … but GOTDAMN! Like a whole fleet of ugly trains ran over her … then someone mad at the world just decided to take out their agression on the remains of her face. Its like a perfect storm of unattractiveness … all concentrated onto this one place.

If I wasn’t such a Christian … I would question His’ existance.

So … does it matter? I mean … the body is 90% of her physical form. The prototype from the neck down is still pretty good … right? Does this butter-face (everything looks good but-her face) not deserve at least a little bit of my attention? Doesn’t ass & titties conquer all? Hmmmm … decisions decisions.

What would you do?