Single Black Male

Another reader submitted email:

An acquaintance of mine has a dillema, and I wanted to know what you & the readers thought of this:

Her husband, went to Black Bike Week in South Carolina. Fast forward a few weeks later, and she gets a forwarded email with a link to a picture website. This website happens to have pictures of her husband at a party, and pics of him hanging out with random girls. He doesn’t have on his wedding ring in any of the pics, in some of the pictures he’s watching some really raunchy booty dancing (not participating though), and in another pic he’s hugged up with a pregnant girl and holding her belly. How do you respond to this? If this was your situation would you get upset? She has two kids and is determined to keep her family together, so he frequently gets a pass for doing stupid things. Her thought process is, that since the pictures don’t show him kissing or doing anything really raunchy with any girls, that she should just internalize it and drop it.

I don’t know what to tell her…I tend to run from this type of drama.

As a two time black bike week veteran, this one seems pretty cut & dry.

I wouldn’t take it to serious and your “friend” (funny how its always a friend) should bring it up to her husband, but I don’t think she should be too mad or upset about it. The only picture with him and another woman include a pregnant woman. The picture probably was subtitled with “Look at this mess … a pregnant girl at bike week” not “Damn … I want me some of that” (BTW … if you have the picture … I would love to see it). Also, with the “booty dancing”, he wasn’t participating. Similar to a stip club I would say, but he wasn’t paying and wasn’t touching. And lets be real … was he supposed to look away?

So in conclusion, I would tell her to ask about them in a joking manner and judge his response, but I have been down there with friends who have girlfriends. They both knew what was “too much” and acted accordingly. They were drunk and with their male friends in the crazy atmosphere of black bike week, but none came back with a story that they couldn’t tell their girlfriends (well … one kinda … but he literally ran once “too much” started happening).

Can I get a co-sign?

Here is a scenario given to me by a reader. This one was a head scratcher.

Ok here’s the deal. I have a friend, who’s just a friend, who’s married and his wife is cheating on him and I’ve been talking to him about his problems telling him he shouldn’t give up on his marriage, etc., etc., telling him he should go to counseling go to his pastor etc etc…

Lately we’ve been on the phone all day everyday and it’s clear that we’re falling for each other … but he’s married.

My question is like is this for real or is this a transference of energy. He’s everything i prayed for … or so he appears to be. We haven’t done anything, like even kiss or hug, the connection is purely emotional … nothing physical.

My other question is what should i do? I would never tell a man to leave his wife because that’s wrong and I would never intentionally start dealing with another woman’s husband because it’s bad karma, but at the same time I can’t help how I feel and he can’t help how he feels … if you know what i mean. They’ve been married for 2 years and were together 10 months before they got married. Time doesn’t matter, because if it’s Gods hand at work it could be 2 days as opposed to 10 months, but I’m so confused at this point.

Do i walk away to avoid being caught up or do I let go? Or should I let him leave her and be with me? How will he receive favor in God if he leaves her? She did committ adultery first … but two wrongs don’t make it right … although it does make it even?

Signed,
An Unintentional Mistress

This one really made me think. There definitely is the concept of the heart wants what the heart wants … and if the wife is cheating on him … I have no sympathy for a scantankerous scuttle-but like that … but … marriage is something to be upheld and if it can be fixed … that is a good thing (right …?).

Well … I think there are two options … two extremes in this situation … because I just foresee a middle ground working out. Essentially … you need to be with him or you need to leave him alone. Lets examine both in detail.

Fall Back …

At this point, with him trying to fix his marriage … not sure you can remain “friends”. Honestly, its going to be hard for him to work things out with a wife who is cheating on him when he has a good woman (assuming your a good woman … and you must be … cause you read my blog) talking in his ear every night. Its gonna be hard for him to stick it out when the temptation of something better is just so close. If you really want him to work out his marriage … your going to have to significantly diminish your roll as a confidant (read: talk to him like once a week).

Fight for what you want

Well … this woman he is married to doesn’t really sound like a good person or someone who deserves him.  I am all for the sanctity of marriage … but some women are just not deserving of a good man. In addition … we all have some basic rights to do what is personally best for us. If the chemistry is really as strong as you perceive it may be worth your while to put yourself out there and make a serious “move”.

Honestly, I just don’t see you successfully keeping this “friendship” going at this point. You have a strong desire to be with him (”everything I prayed for” is pretty serious talk) and if he is trying to salvage his marriage … your going to make things significantly difficult for him. Also, with him having such a significant role in your life and the tension … it will make your own personal search for love difficult also. Something needs to change …

I’m really going to need help on this one. But as always … the most important part of asking me for advice … is the 50 people who hate me and will tell me I’m wrong … lol.

Someone sent me this as just a random video on youtube that was funny, but I couldn’t help but think of the bigger issue behind the concept.

To those who can’t or don’t care to watch it, here is the story:

- Man comes back from club
- The girlfriend has been sent pictures of her boyfriend talking to another women by her best friend
- In order to dispel her suspicions … she demands her boyfriend to drop his pants and let her smell his dick (operating under the premise it still smells like pussy)

Generally speaking its a bootlegg music video and the general ignorance of the song is the reason I weep for hip hop (although I am still a Webbie fan), but there is a significantly more important question it made me thinkg about …

Does his refusal to let her smell her dick imply that he was guilty?

Generalized further …

Is the defense of “you should trust me” and “I’m mad you asked me that” a valid defense, or does this just mean your guilty?

I’d answer the question … but honestly … I’m not sure