Single Black Male

My fellow blogger (who I have a secret crush on), The Comeback Girl, wrote a post dedicated to lil ol’ me, called “One Ringy Dingy, Two Ringy Dingy (Mama’s Little Husband)” which is a very … “interesting” read.

My Interpretation of the post:
Comeback girl feels that us men have been coddled by our mothers and have developed an arrogant flair about us. We no longer feel the need to do participate in the traditional courtship “rituals” that were laid out by our fathers and grandfathers.
Women liberation, while not a bad thing, was not crafted for black women, and they have suffered as a result. The “niceties” they were used to being given by men are no longer practiced and it is hard for them to feel “soft and pink”.
The Comeback Girl is fed up (it seems a lot because we don’t call like we used to).

OK … well … ummmm … before I say anything else … I love you Comeback Girl … really. I read your blog on the regular and love what you have to say (well mostly). I think the post may be in retaliation because I called her out for saying “I’m sorry, if you have time to go to the bathroom you have time to call.” Honestly, I was kind of mad when I read this, but I guess thats another post. Sorry Comeback Girl … but that Ringy Dingy post was all wrong.

Chivalry is dying … and its a good thing!

Chivalry (A SBM Defintion):
Concept of a man doing extraneous, overly nice, and helpful things for a woman … only because she is a woman.
Archaic principle used to “even” the playing field in a time where it was an accepted fact that women were inferior to men … a concept generally disregarded in 2008.

In 2008, women (especially black women) are independent, intelligent, smart, educated, good money earning entities capable and successfully running their own businesses, households, and empires. The “Women’s Liberation” movement did a lot to ensure that women were given fair and equal treatment and access as their male counter parts. A lot of guys didn’t and don’t like this idea … I personally welcome it.

But wait … did you say “equal” SBM? Doesn’t equal mean that on the same footing? Doesn’t equal mean treated the same?

Why … yes it does.

Here is my problem (finally … I know)!

You can’t be equal and independent … yet still want all the perks of when you were “weak” and “helpless”. (more…)

“I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T … Do you know what that means man?” - Webbie

Every few months, or weeks, I redefine what is sexy to me. Sometimes I want that super intelligent woman who challenges my intellect and provides me with mental stimulation. Sometimes I want a super-driven Type A personality to compliment me, while keeping me on my toes and forcing me to accomplish more. Every once in awhile, a phat ass and cute smile is all I want at the end of the day. Well today, my #1 desire has changed … yet again.

Independence!!!

I yearn now for an independent woman. I want someone who is looking for a partner, not a sponsor. Someone who has her own money, can and does take care of herself, and doesn’t need anybody to “save her”. She knows herself very well and is comfortable in her own skin. She loves when I compliment her, but doesn’t live me doing it … because she already knows she has that essence and doesn’t need me to confirm it. Her finances are on point, or better than mine. She has already made a plan to achieve whats she wants on her own, but realizes the benefits of dual income. She has her own opinion and will share it, but in an intelligent and understanding way that can’t help but make you sit back and say … damn. If she wants something, she looks to get it herself instead of first thinking “who can give it to me”. She has her own friends and respects the fact that we both have our own lives outside of the relationship. She doesn’t curse me out for giving my friends one weekend out the month, cause she wants to see her girls anyway. When we’re in the mall, and she needs to bend down, she puts her purse on a bench before she asks me to hold it … because no guy wants to hold a purse … and the bench is right there.

Now … I know there are a lot of problems that come with independent women. Some like to let you know how insignificant they are and that they don’t need you for anything. They may ask things of their man that aren’t traditional and some feel is emasculating (he needs to cook, be able to clean, and dress himself … well). Some are so set in their own ways, they don’t see any point in compromising … so it can be her way or the highway.

But I don’t care … I am truly tired of girls looking for a savior to “take them away” from all this. I have met girls who refuse to do anything for themselves and I’m tired of it. They look to me to provide everything except the air they breathe … and please realize I’m not just talking about money. The #1 requirement from now on is: You must have your own friends! I have friends and things I want to do by myself sometimes, and you should have people outside of me who bring you joy in your life. When you depend on one person for all your support and sanity … you are setting yourself up.

On the other hand, there are people who want that a dependent person. They want to provide everything and “upgrade” their woman. She doesn’t need her own money, because he has it. He wants someone who is willing to depend on him and need him and let that be known. He wants to take care of someone, a dependent. She shouldn’t be working, because he does. And when it comes to any major decision … she needs to ask him and what he says goes … he doesn’t need another opinion, just a yes. And if that makes him happy … do you … but the only person I need to take care of is my future child.

Really … this is more of a personal rant brought on by personal things … but its so true.

Is it just me? Whats more appealing … an independent female or a dependent one?