Single Black Male

So its another Thursday and another featured blogger.  This comes from “The Late (not so great) 20’s”, a great spot you should check out.  Now, I read this post and feel I really need to write a reply, but I need to highlight her work … but sadly … I disagree so much.

Won’t go into now, but if your in a club, and a guy is talking to you HE IS INTERESTED!!! It is a club.  If it was walmart, or maybe in line at the DMV, or somewhere you go everyday … while he still has the right to approach you, this argument makes a little sense.  But sorry … if you have a BF … please don’t give us young brothas hope … it crushes our fragile little hearts … and now I done bought a drink for someone who I’m not gonna take home (crime against nature).

Why Are Black Women So Mean?

You’re angry from just reading the title aren’t you? lol This is a topic that is always up for debate; most recently on a post I read on Stuff Black People Hate. The issue? Why are black women so unapproachable?

Rather than counter-argue, and defend my entire race…. I’d prefer to share an experience I had recently.

A friend of mine accompanied me to a club I’ve been curious about. It was just the two of us, not a herd. Anyhow, we were kickin it, chillaxin in a corner when a man approached me. He was mildly attractive, white male, friendly demeanor so when he approached I was not defensive or instantly agitated. In fact, I engaged in conversation with him for 20 minutes or so (could have been longer). We laughed, joked, etc. He was headed back to the bar and asked if I wanted anything. Initially I said no but he pushed (so much so that I sort of wondered if I should accompany him in case he tried to slip me something) and eventually I accepted the offer.

He returned with my drink and we chatted it up some more. I have to say that I honestly thought he was a cool guy and never anticipated the following;

Him; “So we seem to get along well, maybe we can have dinner sometime? Can I take you out?”
Me; “Oh, I am so sorry. I am actually in a relationship right now.”
*Stares at me like I stole the oxygen mask off his dying grandmother
Him; “YOU WHAT? Man, I wish you would have told me all of that before!”
*Stare at him and wonder if it is possible he slipped a knife past the metal detector
Me; “I’m sorry, it didn’t come up. I thought we were just kickin it. Didn’t realize you were interested.”
Him; “If you weren’t so cool, I would ask you for my money back.”

Mmm Hmm….THAT my dears is why black women tend to be a little standoffish. Being nice just gives the wrong damn impression!

BTW … I would have asked for my money back.

I remember back in college actually having to convince some of my female friends the club wasn’t a good place to meet their boyfriend. To me … I was shocked that I had to actually argue this point. I thought it was clear to everyone that the club was for finding one night stands, jumpoffs, and bucket heads … not Ms. (or Mr.) Right.

Why is the club tailored to those looking for temporary love? What is it about the club that is poisionous to the creation of true love? Why is any relationship formed in the club almost always doomed to fail? Simple … the Club Mentality.

I can’t speak for everyone, every club, everywhere, but generally speaking, the club is the definition of … “the frenzy”. There is a lot of liquor involved, its an enviroment solely focused on social interactions between men and women. The music is too loud for conversation. Lights are dim and liquor flows freely. Its one of the few places you can walk behind a female, start grind on her ass … and not break any laws or be arrested. Rules, laws, and social norms that are upheld on “the outside” … simply don’t apply here. Its a different world.

A lot of guys go to the club to take a girl home with them. They are often the most aggressive too. In addition, as a guy, you know more girls are going to be open to conversation as opposed to the “real world” … so you don’t have to worry about “bothering” someone. While physically abusing a girl is still just as wrong, all those overly aggressive moves you had to retire are now allowed and often practiced. Also, for some reason, a fight is now a possibility. While at work your calm, on the road you let people pass you, but in the club … let someone scuff your sneakers or spill your drink … bout to be a misunderstanding!

For the ladies, you know that someone is going to disrespect you. Your ass will be grabbed, someone is going to pull your arm and not want to let go, and somebody is going to be overly aggressive about getting your number. A guy is going to come up to you and start “dancing” … which is closer to sex than anything else, but for some reason … tonight its OK. And while your open to conversation for any “cute” guy who is “acting right” … you also prepared a set of statement for those … “showing their ass”.

In both cases … your not thinking or acting logically. Your not the same person that you are at work, or in the grocery store, or while walking down the street. I know the thought of sleeping with someone I have known for less than 24 hours suddenly seems more appealing to me … personally. And once that liquid courage (alcohol) gets in the system … Mild mannered SBM suddenly becomes … well this post isn’t about me …

Not only is the person you meet at the club not a valid representation of this person, but its hard to take anyone as serious in the club. I’m thinking about different things, the “standards” your getting judged by are significantly different, and honestly … even if I meet Ms. Right … I still might do something stupid and probably will try to cheapen something that could have been nice. Its sad, but its so true.

I will say, there are certain lounges, Happy Hours, and upscale lounges that can provide a relatively healthy meeting place for single individuals … but that isn’t the norm.

Feel me?