Single Black Male

I am a firm believer that where you grow up plays a significant role in terms of your personality, expectations in life, dialect, accent, and even what you want from a man or women. Some might argue … but trust me … its undeniable

Going to a big state school brought in people from all over. Also being minutes away from Howard University and living in the Washington DC area, a mixing pot from all across the nation (and world really), I have dated, talked with, yelled obscenities across the street at (hey you … in the pink … with the ass), and courted women from all over the country. I am far from “full coverage” of the spectrum, but here are my findings so far.

So … here is SBM’s handy guide to dating from different regions.

*disclaimer*: This applies only to Black Women.

Washington, DC & Prince George’s County, MD

Figured I would start with home. People now call the area the DMV (for DC, Maryland, & Virginia), but things can change up big time when you cross the state or county line.

I personally have enacted a ban on all women who were raised in either of these areas. I can’t stand them at all! I have only dated one for a significant amount of time, but have grown up around them, and they have some of the worst attitudes I have ever encountered. They expect a lot, usually have a streak of hood rat in them, no matter how good the pedigree, and love to get mad over the stupidest sh*t ever. The B* word comes to mind as I write this. Also, if your not from here expect to spend a lot of time in my glossary trying to understand her.

Quick tempers, “unique” style in clothes, high demands, disproportionate love for thugs, and an undeserved sense of “I’m the sh*t” even when she isn’t, characterizes this one. Proceed with caution.

I will say … we have gorgeous women though. PG is nicknamed “Pretty Girl” county and damn it if we don’t live up to it. I mean even going to church turns into a mental test of concentration.

Baltimore

I don’t know what it is, but two things Baltimore is filled with … Big Girls and Rollers (women of a promiscuous nature). One of the few place I know that still has a red light district with hookers and strip clubs. Be careful of an STD though, they flirt with the #1 spot for AIDS every other year.

The stories my friends have of some Bmore girls are just nuts though, especially those who went to school up there. One guy got approached by a girl who said “I wanna f*ck you tonight” and then walked off. He didn’t think anything of it, until she found him at the let out and took him home. Damn.

New York City

Sometimes it shocks me how quickly this city can ruin good women. I don’t know if I’ve ever met a New Yorker I liked. Because of the general “don’t trust anyone” attitude of all new Yorkers, they can be crass, rude and obviously distrusting. Nowhere is like NY, according to them, and everywhere south of Philly is
the “South” (so stupid). Everywhere is slow compared to NY, and expect to work for anything with this women. Also, don’t expect favors, kind words, or not to work overly hard … for anything. I hear if your a fellow New Yorker … its all much easier.

New Jersery

They provide balance to the NY area. They are a lot nicer, strong lovers, and usually well balanced and good catches. Accents can get annoying (I swear if I hear “caw-feee” instead of “coffee” one more time in my life), but a small price to pay for a well rounded individual.

Atlanta

A varied bunch with the recent growth of the city and the extreme increase in them number of implants (people moving there from some other city … not titties). Generally, really big into getting married and settling down, but overall seem a little crazy. Country but progressive. Expect to truly deal with the “hybrid” (old school chivalry mixed with new aged independence).

Texas (based on Austin, TX)

They say Austin is a lot different then the rest of Texas, but I have visited Houston & Dallas too. Generally, Texas women are so nice … I mean makes me feel special nice. I mean, there just aren’t bad attitudes. I’m talking about a girl actually apologizing to me because her feet hurt and she doesn’t want to dance!

They seemed to be slightly under par in the looks department (sorry) … but made up for it with their personalities. Texas based women still hold a special place in my heart (plus how many other women can do “My dougie” and know about Chamillionaire back in the “Color Changing Clique” days and Slim Thug when he was a “Boss Hogg Outlaw”.

Florida

A lot of variance, so haven’t made any across the board observations except one … never have I met a set of women so comfortable with sharing exactly what is on their mind … no matter if its hurtful or mean … as long as its the truth. Its kind of refreshing … unless she f’s around and hurts your feeling by saying something.

Actually, these women also love hard! So far, they intrigue me. I’m gonna add a few more to the roster and see what happens.

Seattle, Washington

THERE ARE NO BLACK WOMEN IN SEATTLE!

I was there 3 months. Saw like 5 or 6 and they seem to not want to acknowledge the fact they gotta compete with millions of white women with a sweet tooth for chocolate. I did not enjoy Seattle!

Midwest

No across the board observations … but I’ve never had anything with any of them work out at all. I’ve had guy friends from Chi-town, and them n*ggas are wild. I mean every single one acts straight like Bernie Mac. Loud, arrogant, cocky, and quick to blow up. Never dated anyone from the chi, but I can only imagine what living in a city of Bernie Macs does to a woman.

So what cities did I miss? Any females available to co-sign with my regional descriptions (or argues as I know someone will)? The west has generally been unknown to me, so anyone can fill it in for me?

“I haven’t talked to you in 4 days … whats wrong”
“Haven’t talked to me … I sent you 1500 text messages. I know what you’ve been up to every hour”
“I said talk”
“What the f*ck …”

I received a few emails asking me what I think about the use of text messaging for dating in the 2000s. I’ve had a few conversations with females (and a couple guys) alerting me to the hatred of SMS (the official name for text messages if u aint know). Apparently this invention has changed the game for years to come.

Personally … I am all for them (big surprise … right).

I yearn for human contact. I love to talk (I think I like to hear my own voice … spoken or written). My female friends will tell you about the hours I spent on the phone talking about whatever … back in college. They will also tell you how it all dried up as soon as I started working.

I will admit … text messaging isn’t a complete replacement for the phone. If your thinking about a relationship with a person and you hear their voice no more than once a week … thats a problem. If someone really really really likes you … they will call to talk to you, hear your voice, or just show that they like you (women gotta call too … this goes both ways). This … I will concede.

But I enjoy the newfound freedom to catch up with that special person while waiting in line at Subway. I like being able to hear about the randomness of your day as it actually occurs. And I appreciate the fact that although full blown conversation is out of the question (the presenter running the meeting might object to you telling you girl how vicious that head game was last night) … you still wanted to share something with me. And if that means I don’t have to spend a full 4 hours on the phone catching up with you every night … then even better.

Honestly, if there is anything text messaging, emails, IMs, and the other forms of constant text based communication … its overload. Needy people become even needier. Like VSB said too much is too much.

But I can’t finish this without saying … time is precious nowadays. If I can text you in my downtime, or while busy taking over the world … isn’t that worlds better than no call at all!

Embrace the text people … just not too much for you needy, I aint got my own life, I need to talk to you every 15 minutes, “what u mean your phone was off” type of people!

“What happened to you yesterday … you were supposed to give me a ride to the shop. I had to take 5 buses and was 3 hours late”
“Yeah man … this girl I was trying to get at hit me up to go out”
“WTF man … H.O.H. Man!”
“H.O.H.???”
“Homies over hoes … ya punk bitch!”

Bro’s before Hoes is the classic adage we are all used to … but being a huge fan of The Boondocks (the comic was so much better than the cartoon … more of a message) I drew my inspiration from a recent episode. While the episode was actually poking fun at a homosexual rapper, they helped to bring to light an important creed that all men need to live by.

I grow tired, annoyed, and downright enraged at these guys who put their girlfriend, current love interest, or random jumpoff from the club before and above well established friends and/or family. Pussy and many women are temporary, but the guy who picked you up off the ground after getting your ass whooped in the 5th grade has earned a permanent fixture in your life, so don’t forget it. Out of all the ways a guy can put women before his friends … there is one case that disgusts me to the core of my soul: the girlfriend who replaces all of your friends.

When a man finds a good women its a good thing. He has found someone who is worth adoring, spending time with, and loving … but why does this person have to replace your well established friends. Why can’t she be integrated with the rest of your friends? Why can’t we all go out every once in awhile? Why can’t she see her friends while you come hang out? Why …

I have one friend who is a shining example of doing it right. I love his girlfriend (sure … I knew her beforehand … but eh). She comes out with us, but doens’t restrict him from coming out, and while I don’t see him as much as before, I still keep in touch and can go chill with my friend. Also, he still plays wingmen and will take the ugly one (although too often he fights taking the busted one) when we go out because he knows he’s got someone at home. To you my friend … I salute you.

But to all of you other simping, punk bitching, whack ass, go against your friends, sumbitches … STOP IT!



And to close things out … here is the video that inspired the post!

When I bought my motorcycle I was visiting my friend and talking to her mother. She wasn’t really in support of my recent purchase, but did conclude with “well … its good you get it out of your system now … because your wife will make you give it up when you get married!”. I chuckled and made some joke about it not being anytime soon … but it did make me think … will I have to give up my motorcycle for Mrs. SBM?

I thought about writing about my motorcycle and one of the possible reasons I might have stop riding (outside of horrific accident, a good friend dying, or me getting bored … as usual), but then it led my mind to think bigger. What kinds of things might my potential life mate ask me to give up? What kind of things will I want her to stop? Do I have any right to ask her to stop popping her gum when around me? Can she really ask me to give up motorcycle riding (we know that’s a no … too many groupies)?

I think some things are ok … but somethings are just asking too much. Here is the official SBM list of acceptable and unacceptable sacrifices to be demanded.

Things you shouldn’t ask your mate to give up:

• Watching TV
• Playing Video Games
• Cooking “too much”
• Riding a motorcycle (if they had it when u met them)
• Working at their current job
• Chewing with their mouth open (let it go)
• Wearing sneakers (don’t change his style)
• Stop wearing pink shirts (you knew he was metro when u met him)
• Going out with their friends
• Model Trains (If he/she is into that)
• Giving you great oral sex
• Always wanting to give you great oral sex
• Bringing their girlfriend over for a threesome (if she is a girl)
• Rubbing your feet then liking in between the cracks
• Giving you head in the car
• Letting you watch the game/your show/victoria’s secret fashion show … in peace

Things your shouldn’t feel bad about asking your mate to give up:

• Smoking in your house
• Coming to your house and dirtying up the place
• Not giving you oral sex (slob on that knob … like corn on the cob)
• Stealing from you
• Lying to you .. all the time … even about what time of day it is (”I said its 10pm and I don’t care if the sun is rising! Don’t you trust me!”)
• Taking out loans in your name and letting them default
• Cheating on you and bringing the people to your house for food after
• Cuming in your mouth Tricking you into doing something when Aunt Flow is visiting
• Smoking crack
• Selling crack
• Pretty much anything related to large quanities of crack or cocaine (I’m from DC … gotta include it)
• Ejaculating in your eye and saying “you see me coming”
• Constantly trying to smell your dick
• Coming into the bedroom with a dildo telling you (the guy) … I want to show you something
• Bringing friends from work for a threesome (if he’s a guy … cause thats gay)
• F*cking your sister … repeatedly
• Pimping hoes … like literally selling women’s body for money
• Taking your car, going out and committing a series of felonies, then picking up a “side person”, have sex in your car, and then bring back the car and deny the funny smell, weird stains, or the warrants for arrest that are now coming in your name.

This is just a little guideline … but I think you get the idea. Some stuff is cool

My good friend and fellow blogger Mikki wrote a post recently entitled “Educated Black People SUCK!!”. Regardless to say … I was practically offended just by reading the title … since I consider myself an Educated Black Person and read Stuff Educated Black People Like on the regular. So I was wondering … why do I suck.

Apparently Mikki had been told by some EBP that he preferred other EBPs (defined by having a college degree of some sort) when it came to relationships … and this apparently upset her … higlhy.

I’m not sure how this person came across, but I can’t help but play devil’s advocate.

I can’t say a bachelor’s degree is a hard set requirement for anyone I marry or date seriously, but I will say its pretty durn close. Doesn’t have to be a bachelor’s, doesn’t have to be from any particular school, just has to be something from somewhere … or you should be in school working on one. If you don’t have one, there is going to have to be something about your personality or motivation to overcompensate … or just a good reason or story explaining why it just wasn’t/isn’t a priority.

*disclaimer*: I don’t really agree with the definition of EBP meaning a person with a degree … but Mikki set that definition. Personally … you can be educated and without degree … In my opinion.

I know I might catch hell for this … but if I was afraid of that … I wouldn’t have a blog!

So … in response to Mikki … here are the:

Top 3 Reasons For an EBP to date an EBP

3. Earning Potential

One major concern of most (especially women) is the earning potential of their potential mate. It is no secret I am not accepting of the stay at home housewife, so the earning potential of the future mother of my children is somewhat important. There are plenty of studies and statistics showing the average person with a degree will earn more money than someone without one. There are plenty of people who have become extremely successful without a degree … but I feel like they are the exception … not the norm.

2. Similar Experiences

For me … college was an extreme growing experience. I matured more, learned more, experienced more new things, and found out more about myself in those few years than any other period of my life. It comes up a lot for me in conversations (especially since I’m in a Fraternity too … the best one ever at that … 06) … so I could see it coming up with the person I see every day but never experienced it. I don’t want to feel like I have to duck around the topic and not bring it up … but I can see it happening … especially if you hate all degreed black people … like some.

1. Equality in the Relationship

With something like this … it was hard picking a #1 because I haven’t had to think about it in depth before, but I think this could be the biggest reason. For anyone without a degree, I would need to know why you thought going to school just wasn’t important enough. Was it because your mom died and you had to work to take care of your brother? Was it because you already had a small business that was in the black and decided to educate in some other method? Was it because you have a problem with core of the American Education System and your removal from it is a boycott of something you just couldn’t support? Or are you just being lazy and “don’t feel like it”?

If I decide to be with you I am obviously happy with you flaws and all … but I don’t think I could avoid never thinking about why you didn’t go to school and why I could do it and you can’t and won’t … assuming there weren’t extenuating circumstances. I know this same inequality could exist if I have a Harvard PhD and she has a associates from the county community college … but I guess I’m just not that bourgeoise.

Conclusion … Couldn’t help but write a response. As I repeat … It is not a hard set requirement for me that you have a college degree to be my wife … but best believe if you don’t … I want to know everything behind why.