Tag Archive for 'Dating'

Who needs a team?

Published
by
SBM
on October 20, 2008
in Dating
. 53 Comments

It seems the big thing nowadays is to “hedge your bets” … “play the field” … date like there is no tomorrow.

Comeback Girl is a fan … and so are The Fatales.

But I … I cannot subscribe to this philosophy … I just can’t

Remember when you were back in school (college, high school … whatever).  You just got finished leaving your girlfriends house after getting a little something to “help you focus” … and you head home to go work on the 3 papers you have due in two days.  You sit and think of how your going to finish all these papers and get a passign grade … because although your mom is 3 hours away … she will drive down and beat your natural black ass if you waste the money she is paying for tuition by failing these classes.  What to do … ?

You got two options …

One … you could work on all three papers at the same time.  Write 3 sentences for a paper … and then switch to the next until you have finished all three … researching each three sentences for each paper and keeping all 9 books your using out.

Two … you could knock the papers out one at a time … focusing your energy on researching and writing one paper before moving to the next … only keeping the 3 boks needed for a paper open at any time.

Now … if you selected option one … moms is gonna whoop your ass … and then pops might get in that ass too for being stupid enough for not focusing on one thing at a time.

OK … maybe that wasn’t the best analogy … but the other example I thought of included trying to give 3 women an orgasm simultaneously … and since I have a potty mouth (as everyone and their mom wants to tell me) … I tried to keep it clean.

There are a couple big reasons why there is a such thing as “dating too many people” …

You don’t take sh*t from anyone

I know this sounds like a good thing … but every good person is going to have some faults.  If you know that you have 3 others waiting in the woodworks … suddenly that ketchup stain on the shirt goes from slight irritating to “why the f*ck does this n***a/b***h take their ass to the dry cleaners”.  

Can’t give anyone enough time

It takes time to get to know a person.  Phone calls, emails, text messages, and dates.  If you are doing this with 5 people at the same time … how are they going to get the time they need.  I would say maybe … 2 at most … otherwise everyone is gonna suffer.

Sleeping with multiple people is … uh .. gross or somethng

Yeah … I’m a guy … and I said it.  I personally don’t like sleeping with multiple people at the same time … nor do I like sleeping with someone who is sleeping with a bunch of other people.  I don’t wanna taste no one else … yeah … that’s the biggest.  If these people suddenly become “stars” and sex comes into play … that’s trifling.



So … keep the numbers low.  Cut your team down to 2 … and actaully try and focus on a motherf*cker.

This applies to both men and women.  Heed mmy words … your life will be easier.

Dating & Poverty: Blog Action Day

Published
by
SBM
on October 15, 2008
in Dating
. 89 Comments

***** Admin Note *****
So an email late last night from an overseas reader, told me that today, Oct 15th 2008, was Blog Action Day and that the theme this year was poverty.  I scraped the post I had for today and threw this together because I respect what their trying to do.
**********************

I often talk about money on here.  Whether it’s me talking about having it, yearning for someone else who has it, trying to get more of it, or how I’m not spending it … but have you ever thought about what it would really be like if you just didn’t have it.

And I don’t mean “I wish I could buy that purse” not have it … I mean “It’s so cold in here with no hear” no having it …

Being a guy and living my life as a guy … I can only speak on this from the male perspective … in addition to the fact it wouldn’t be a problem for a woman.  We pay for dates and we provide … hell I think some 40% of housewives would fall under the poverty line if they weren’t married.

I was watching Seinfeld (great show) today … and the episode on was the one where Elaine discovers the guy she is dating is poor.  And not just “this month is kind of tight” … I mean the digging in dumpsters for food type of poverty.  She decided to drop him because of his financial status (in addition to fact she found out he was married).  So while it shows she wasn’t as accepting of his impoverished status … apparently someone was.

As a man we want to provide for the significant woman in our lives (generally speaking) … so if we can’t do this there is going to be a huge strain on the relationship that is trying to be formed.

But for the woman … do you simply write this person off because they can’t provide for you … or do they actually get credit for being a good guy?  Suppose he hit hard times … suppose he just blew all of his money … or does it even matter?

In DC 1 out of every 5 people are at or below the poverty line … and while this obviously higher than the national average … its a reality for a lot of people.

Also, I know as a guy I can’t stand a woman who is too boughie or stuck up to even care about the impoverished.  Because I know anything can happen … and I don’t want to be with anyone who snubs there nose at those who have less.

Actually … new wifey test.  Within the 1st three months, one date is going to involve working at a homeless shelter.  If she aint with it … fail!

So … what are your thoughts on Poverty & Dating and Poverty in general???

SBM Answers: Now you see me … now you don’t

Published
by
SBM
on October 13, 2008
in Laws of Attraction
. 69 Comments

***** Admin Note *****
I am happy to introduce the creation of the Single Black Male Forums at http://www.singleblackmale.net/forum/.  As a result … the comments section will not be used for comments related to … the current post (crazy … yeah … I know)!  There will be a ton of changes as I figure out the software … but I hope this allows a place for the Family to chill, talk and know each other.  There is a register link on the right side of this page that will give you an account for the comments section and the forum … any problems … hit me at sbm@singleblackmale.net.
******************************

I have been getting a lot of questions as of late … and I promise I’m going to make a strong effort to get to them all … so I will try and tackle one a week.

This one definitely caught my attention as soon as I read it.  Here is what I received:

I’m an avid reader of the site and now I’m in a bit of a situation. I met a guy about a month ago and after chit chatting for about 20 minutes we exchanged info. We spoke a couple days later and after the hour long convo, he asked to take me to dinner that weekend. We went out — had a really nice time. I called him a few days later and being the phone-tagger that he proved to be, he didn’t pick up. He calls back a day or two later and we chat. Last weekend he called and wanted to catch a movie that evening. We went to the movies - another nice date — or so I thought.

So being that I noticed that he never really initiates a call unless it’s regarding “going out,” I said I’d wait until midweek to see if he would call — he didn’t. So I text him a “hey wassup” during the day and he responds with “so when r u going to call me.” I called him later that night, as I had already planned and of course it rings and rings — so I left a generic message. One day passes no call/text, another day no call/text so 3 days later he decides to text me saying “I see someone forgot about me.” Now I’m BEFUDDLED and I’m like hmm WHY is this dude trying to flip the script and insinuate that I’m the one who isn’t contacting him. Psycho Bugaboo is not my style so I was not going to be blowing up his phone. A text, call and the endangered species — voicemail, seemed sufficient. So I replied, “hmm how could I forget about you when I called the other day…one could say you forgot about me.” So, as expected, he didn’t respond to the text.

A few days later, minutes after his number was deleted, he texts a “hey wassup” and then he flatlined again…

So now I’m like WTH?!?!?

Am I missing something here??? I figure, if he’s not interested in me, why not just disappear QUIETLY? Why play games with all the nonsensical texts and mixed signals???

In case you were wondering, I’m 99.9999% sure that his phone is operating properly.

This situation is … familiar.  I know I’ve told countless female friends about this same phenomenon before.   It generally starts with “why does he keep contacting me?  He obviously doesn’t want to be with me … why doesn’t he just leave me alone!?!”

First … let me start with … sadly … the guy here doesn’t seem that interested.  He made an initial effort (which may or may not have been sincere) but then tapered off … this is the classic sign of a loss of interest.  Maybe he doesn’t want to date anyone seriously, maybe there is no chemistry, maybe he’s married.  Don’t take it personal … but its apparent.

Now, that being said … I’m going to let a secret be known … a lot of men (myself included) don’t disappear when we lose interest.  Most of the time when we “lose interest” … that means we have lost interest in making you our girlfriend.  This could be for personal reasons … or reasons releated to you … but in the end … we lost interest.  That doesn’t mean we’re not interested in sex, chilling, or “hooking up”.  Hence … we don’t disappear.

Now every guy treats this differently.  Some will lose their interest, but continue to call, text, and date you … knowing he has absolutely no desire to date you seriously.  Some basically will only contact you when their horny and actually have gas in their car.  Then you have every different combination in between.

So … sad to say … I don’t think he is “that into you”.  In addition … he may never disappear until you just completely ignore him … but don’t be surprised … it how we are.

Rantings of an SBM

Published
by
SBM
on October 3, 2008
in Rantings
. 338 Comments

Another Friday … another chance to rant.

  • I don’t care what anyone says … but for a 40 year old politician … Sarah Palin could get it.  I would make her change her policies and have her speaking without that irritating ass Alaskian accent.  While I am a firm Barak supporter … If McCain wants to win this election … give me like 45 minutes wit her … put all kinds of common sense in her.
  • Who the hell is the analyst Rollins on CNN???  Giving Palin 46 points???  I mean … I will admit I was impressed by her more than I expected … but WTF man … can you even pretend to be impartial.
  • Why isn’t there a deabte at University of Maryland!!!  Home of the Terapins Biatch!
  • Palin really could get it.  I know she is old and kind of evil … but she really could ge tthe bid-ness.
  • Apparently celibacy seems to be popular nowadays.  What is that BS?  Who wants to give up sex?  I just can’t get with it.
  • Someone at work is leaving the company so he can move in with his gf and cut down on his commute.  I don’t know how I feel about that one.
  • Still going on a low sleep diet.  It hasn’t been too bad, but one morning I woke up and couldn’t motivate myself to move or go anywhere.  Caused me to be late one day to the office.  I prolly shoudl stop killing myself.
  • I honestly expected Palin to do worst than she did.  I didn’t think she said anything overly stupid.  I was waiting for her to talk about the cute wolves in Alaska and how they give her advice of foreign policy or something.
  • Ever since I was in that wedding this past weekend … my thought process has been … interesting.  I’m thinking about longer term goals and stuff now.  Its … uh … weird.
  • I think I might start dating my age now.  Can’t say there is any single motivating factor behing it … but figure I’m at a point where I should try it out.
  • I work too hard.
  • Comments section are funny.  I should start a separate forum for all the randomness that goes on.  Aint it a shame when your own comments don’t get acknowleged on your own blog because you haven’t kept up with all the off topic talk.  LOL.  I love you all.
Done with my turn … now your.
RANT!

Embracing Technology

Published
by
SBM
on August 11, 2008
in Rules of Engagement
. 128 Comments

One of my good friends in the blogosphere, Comeback Girl, canceled her text messaging plan because she felt that it was ruining her dating life. In a humorous “prank” call (I call it a prank cause it was funny and ludicrous), she let the rep know that apparently men text messaging her was in violation to the classic laws of chivalry.  So … now no man (friend, family member, loved one, etc) is capable of text messaging her and the call was ended with “maybe now I can find a husband”.

*super deep soul wrenching triple sigh*

Let me start by agreeing …

I do believe that when text messaging is the sole form of communication and a person is impossible to meet in person or reach over the phone, this is bad.  Obviously she shouldn’t reserve you to nothing more than 160 character messages littered with “OMG”, “SMH”, and “LOL”.  If they really have an interest in you, this person is going to want to hear your voice, see you in person, and talk to you.

Now … here is where I “respectfully” disagree …

GROW UP AND EXCEPT CHANGE

Whew … I feel better.

Phones have not always been around.  There was a time where you could not call the person you liked.  You had to write letters, buy stamps, mail them off, and communicate that way.  If they lived locally, you just stopped by in the hopes that they were home and available.  If they were gone or busy, you took your ass back home and tried again some other time.

When the phone came around, did people say “What’s this bullsh*t!  If he likes me … he wouldn’t call me … he would show up at my house and leave me a note.  I don’t play this ‘technology’ thing.  I want chivalry!”?

I hope not … cause it sounded stupid just typing it.

As we move forward in time … there are new forms of communication.  We hold on to older ones for their purposes, but we embrace and utilize the new ones.  Just because there is email … we didn’t give up on the postal system.  Just because there are cars don’t mean we have to walk 10 miles to show a person we love them.  Most of these new things allow us greater access to the people we love and care about.

When I’m in a meeting and can’t call the love of my life, but I see a missed call from her … a simple “I’m in a meeting text” is better than the no response she would get before. Kinda shows I care enough for her not to worry.

I actually dated someone with no cell phone period.  It was horrible.  I couldn’t catch them on their way to or from work.  There was no “I miss you” texts during the day and as soon as the time of our jobs shifted … communication became near impossible.

If killing texts is going to get someone a husband/wife … then all of us that are single and searching should cancel our cell phones and just have a house phone, disable all of our email accounts, give up on IM, and no fax machines either.  Since the person will have to make sure that they call you at the exact 4 hours a day you are at home … then they must love you! (Or your cheating on them and don’t want to give them easy access).

Please … everybody who buys into this … lets cut the bullsh*t.  Embrace the great things technology has brought us … just ensure their not misused and abused. Stop making these crazy demands under some archaic principles. The problem isn’t the text messages … the problem is the person who is sending you nothing but them.  Attack the problem at its core.   Life will be better …

Text messages has not and will never kill romance … people who don’t care kill romance!