Single Black Male

I recently wrote about the two things that women (well … one woman) want, so I only felt it fitting to talk about the 3 things that a guy needs to truly keep him happy. This is according to the great comedian Chris Rock, but I just so happen to agree. So lets examine.

Feed Me

We, as men, enjoy food. We all enjoy different food at different times, but we like to eat. Prime time for a good meal is right when you come home. Your probably tired, have been in traffic for hours, and your stomach is just letting you and the world know that its dinner time. But wait … the hungry man … he can’t cook … and if he can … he probably doesn’t want to.

While this is the least important of the 3, it sure is nice to have your significant other make you a meal. A woman who cooks for her man is a great great woman.

F*ck Me

This doesn’t apply to everyone now. There are guys who just aren’t interested in sex and don’t require it. For the rest of the 99% with working penises … its pretty high on the list. And it can’t be some boring missionary, really quiet, plain ordinary sex. If you want to keep him happy, better be some falling off the bed, moving to the bathroom, back flips, whip cream, put it anywhere, hair pulling type sex.

And also don’t be stingy. If you have a headache, then take some advil. If your neck hurts, get a brace. If your coochy is sore, then give some head.

But really … this is self explanitory.

Shut The F*ck Up

Here is where i get cursed out!

This is the hardest one of the 3, but differentiates the good ones from the great ones. Getting someone to cook a meal for you … really not that hard (although getting harder in these times). Getting sex … well thats the easiest thing. Getting your woman (or even just the woman your sleeping with) to actually be quiet and give you personal time … well … you got a challenge.

I personally love to talk, but damn if I don’t love to have time to myself. Let me watch my game, play my Xbox, play with my computer, or finish up something for my boss before I go to sleep!

So … thats it. 3 things. It’ll keep him happy. I won’t go and say anything asinine like “these 3 things are all I need to be happy”, but I will say that if all of them happen in this order by someone I care for after work … I’ll be happy that night for sure!