Single Black Male

To start things off … I don’t go around grabbing random asses.  I’m not saying I never did, but that was back in high school (ok … may have done it in college too … but only when liquor was involved).  But this post isn’t just about ass grabbing … its so much more.

My female friends (Only have 2 true female friends) and some acquaintances have continually spoken out against the “agressiveness” of guys when going to a club, lounge, or other “social” scene.  There are several actions that are listed as “unwarranted” and “extreme”, including but not limited to:

• Grabbing ass (booty)
• Grabbing and arm firmly and not letting go
• Yelling loudly at you referring to some physical characteristic (”Hey you … in the pink … with the titties”)
• Yelling loudly refering to articles of clothing (”Hey Parsucos!”)
• Coming up really close (withint 4 inches of the face), with no introduction, to talk
• Pulling one’s Penis out while dancing (True Story!)

And the list goes on …

So I am often asked “Why do you guys do that?  Its such a turn off and I would never entertain a guy that did that!!!”.  Well, I always have the same response.

Someone is reponding well to it … otherwise he wouldn’t do it.

Yes, its that simple.  Not every girl has these standards of respect and acceptable behavior. There are a lot of women (often bucket heads) who respond favorably to it.  If every single girl hated it … no guy would do it!  Its a basic principal of economics and free markets, but you don’t need to know that to figure it out.  Guys don’t do what doesn’t work … how else do you explain the death of Jerry Curls, white Gators, and them Old school perms.

Also, the numbers game comes into play.  If your in a crowded after hours enviroment, as a guy, you are presented with more women than you can realistically talk to in the time given.  What better way to thin the crowds and find “Mrs. Right Now” than by doing something abrasive, then ignoring all the girls that react badly, and put in work on whoever doesn’t slap you.  Whoever is willing to have her ass grabbed and still entertain conversation … probably is lacking scruples, or at least is willing to put them on hold for now.  She might be the one to get in your car after one more drink!

In the end, for those of you truly against this behavior (which does taper off as the years go on … and diminishes at certain types of venues) there is one simple solution to ending it for good … stop responding to it and blatantly carry anyone who tries it … and then go tell all your friends to do the same.  If a guy can’t get some “play” from it … he’ll stop doing it.

Part of me feels like this is common knowledge and I’m not saying anything new … but part of me feels like I hear the complaint too often for that to be true.

Ladies: Does the ass grab do it for you?
Fellas: Is the ass grab working for you?

*Disclaimer* - The name was developed a long time ago at a different point in my life.  I have already introduced the BB moniker to others and don’t want to change it … so if your offended … don’t be and stop crying
                                                                                   - The Management 

To start this one, I have to talk about the percentile ranking. Every guy can be judged in a relatively absolute ranking system that should put us all on equal footing (kind of like the fallacy of APR when shopping mortgages). Its relatively simple, but I’ll explain.

If your in a club (average run of the mill) … how many girls out of 100 would actually entertain conversation with you based on looks.  That number … is your percentile ranking.

Now, its a little more complicated than that. Most guys are instantly hit with a 10%-20% drop which he isn’t responsible for. Not every girl wants to talk. A lot of females go to the club to enjoy the music, or because its her friends birthday, or maybe she has a strict “I don’t meet guys in the club” policy (I agree with her). Simply stated … there is going to be some female who just doesn’t want to entertain conversation with you … that is … unless your a coveted B*tch Breaker!

The B*tch Breaker (BB for short … and forgive the vulgarity of the name, I came up with it back in college and I was a “different” person back then) is the guy who is not (or rarely) affected by that inherent drop. Something about him … his look, his clothes, his swagger … allows him to approach practically any girl and get at least some attention. Married, Dating, committed man standing next to her, gay … doesn’t matter. He is the fabled person who can see a group of girls dancing with each other … utterly obsessed with turning down every guy that approaches them … and break this group of … females.

Everyone should have a BB in the crew (guys that is). He will open doors once closed, he turns impossible mountains into tiny foothills, he is the key to the once locked door. And if he knows of his power, and has decided to use it for good (easing his search for Ms. Right, helping his friend to enjoy their night) instead of evil (living an endless string of one night stands, breaking hearts) … he is also a great friend.

I guess this can apply to females also, but its significantly less significant. Us guys are dumb … and we’re downright imbeciles for an even moderetaly attractive woman. Damn near any girl above a 6.5 (out of 10) is a female BB.

Does this fabled figure exist? Can you (females) think of the time you were determined to not talk to any guy … yet that one person still managed to leave with your number? Are you that BB?

“Dawg … I think I’m hooked … she got that essence!”

This isn’t anything new … its not groundbreaking … but I’m here to give it a name and let it be known to those who simply don’t know.  Also, I feel it needs some clarification for all of you out there overdoing it.

Girls like guys with confidence.  Often this is called his “swag”, “swagger”, or “swagger factor”.  Its the way he carries himself.  Its the way he approaches you confident that he is worth your time, but not arrogant as to think “this girl is so lucky to be blessed by my presence”.

Well, a similar thing holds true for females.  My good friend dubbed this term to refer to his girlfriend (their both gonna read this and she is going to hate me because she hates the word) and initially described it as simply … Female Swagger.

The Essense … its that sense of self confidence in a girl showing you that she knows who she is, flaws and all, but revels and cherishes her strengths.  She knows she looks good, but doesn’t ever … ever … call herself “The Sh*t” because, she knows she is imperfect and has FCF’s, and also because … sh*t stinks!

Arrogance ≠ Essence 

This is so … so … important.  Let me just say it again: Arrogance does not equal Essence. Its a very fine line every person, male or female, must tread lightly.  Arrogance is pompous, annoying, and anti-seductive.  An arrogant person will almost always think they are better than you, and they won’t be willing to admit, acknowledge, or work on their faults.

This arrogance runs rampant amongst females (well in DC it does)!  A lot of girls feel they can treat guys anyway they want. They embarass, emasculate, and humiliate us in front of friends, family, and that random dude on the street, who now clowns him everytime he walks by (”Look at that ol’ p*ssy whipped sumbitch.  I wouldn’t let no girl talk to me like that. Punk ass ho!”). It has also given many women absolutely no leeway in the 2 million things that her man must posess, because she knows that she can’t ”settle”.  No one should be with someone they don’t like (i.e. settle without quotation marks), but when the the size of his shoe, length of his penis (down to the quarter inch), and the make of his car are all things you can’t “settle” on, your setting yourself up for failure.

To my ladies … Do you have that essence?

To my guys … Are you looking for that essence?

“Man … she looks good. Her figure is on point, them breasts are looking lovely, that ass got me hooked, and the legs are soooo sexy. Man … I could go on all day about why she is just gorgeous.”

“Girl … He’s sexy. He’s … swole and got a cute face.” … thats it

When it comes to attracting the opposite sex, men got the crucial short end of the stick. I’m talking only about physical attraction and looks, but thats a extremely large part of attraction. Really, we just don’t have as much to offer. Lets explore …

• Breasts
  • Women have em … we love em. The closest thing we have is a chest … and we know that a chest really doesn’t compare. They don’t have as much “personality” as breasts. A low cut top doesn’t accentuate anything, and one the top comes off … can’t motorboat a chest.
• Butt
  • Sure, guys have butts too … but no guy has a “booty”. And booty is so much more than a butt. Men have asses … as in “got your ass kicked” or “he’s a tight ass” … but we our asses are not phat, juicy, vicious, or any of the other adjectives used to describe “booty”. Women also have thongs, low-rise jeans, boy shorts, and million other ways to make us want booty.
• Face
  • Here things are kind of fair … kind of. We all have eyes, noses, smiles, and skin. They can help a person or hurt them, and they seem to have equal weighting for guys and girls generally. The reason women have it better though is because of make-up, something every girl is trained in. Guys … we got what God or the plastic surgeon gave us … thats it.
• Legs
  • We both have legs, but how many girls have you said “look at them legs”. Nice calves or definition will earn us points, but their not providing the “wow” factor that a pair of sexy female legs can get.
• Feet
  • There is a reason girls get pedicures and have their toes painted. There is a reason every female I know owns at least one pair of high heels or open toed shoes. Women’s feet have the potential to be a very sexy component in the total package. Some guys have developed full-blown fetishes. Cant think of a single time a girl has said “he got some sexy ass feet”.
• Private Parts
  • The p*ssy can be a thing of beauty. It can be trimmed and prepped to look enticing. Also, there is a reason for all-nude strip clubs and strippers … its because a lot guys just really like the look of it (not me!). Never heard of a sexy penis. I have female friends that literally tell me that our “things” aren’t anything to look at … they just serve a purpose.

Even when you think about the male body vs. the female body, the female body is a work of art. There are curves, and natural lines that come together, in the female form, like a beautiful symphony that when performed right, can make the strongest of men babbling idiots. True beauty (not just an ass now) has caused me to lose my train of thought, rubber neck so hard I almost sprained myself, and do or say things so stupid I can’t mention them in a public arena like this.

On the other hand, the male body is built for function. Even the things that make most men look good (muscular physique) show that this guy can lift heavy things and do work. Purely utilitarian.

I will admit, the great equalizer is the our mouth piece (ability to talk). Sure, good conversation with a girl can instill attraction in them … but few of them can wield words like us. We can instill love, hate, and sometimes instantly make up for and hide all of our physical shortcoming just by saying the right thing. Its out one trump card.

So … am I right? When it comes to physical attraction … don’t you agree women have it better?

Its generally a well known fact that girls often are highly attracted to and often flock to those “icky” guys.  Whats even more of a problem is that nice guys really are finishing last.  Assholes are in high demand, while nice guys fight over the few girls looking for them.  Now I will admit that this is something that plagues mainly young girls (21 & under) as opposed to the sophisticated women that I adore (24 & up).  Really, this topic is a whole post that I will have to write at another time, but it makes a good intro for today’s rant.

Back in college (only a few years ago for me), I was talking to a female friend (I have a very small number of these) about the subject, and she told me when it came to any guy, they had to pass the “Alley Test”.  I asked her to elaborate.  She said that any guy who was with her need to be able to walk down an alley with her at 3am and make her feel safe.  She also went on to elaborate about how most of the guys at our school just didn’t cut it.  They were just “too educated and stuff”.

Man … didn’t know if I should go crazy and curse her out … or tell her mom and have her bust her head until the white meat.

WTF.  Why is it a smart brother can’t fight?  I’m smart, and I used to fight all the time.  I’m 6 foot, over 200 lbs, and have been known to have a short fuse.  In addition, I got 2 degrees know computers, how to program, and can tell you why you should have bought Google stock 2 months ago.  TRUST … if we’re walking down an alley, you can grab onto to my shoulder and not be scared.

But really … what is more important.  That I can fight when need be, or that my life goals, career, and job can provide for me and you.  How many times are we going to be walking through an alley at 3am?  You need to be thinking how many times we’re gonna go out and you don’t want the credit card to not come back declined?

I mean, this was one person, but I have even read articles talking about the same thing.  Apparently a lot of Black Women just are looking for the wrong things.  So sad.

Is the alley test valid now?  Is that what its important?  Do we as men need to let it be known we’re ready to get the swinging instead of our ability to provide and love?

Please … let me know