Single Black Male

It’s 1965 and you’re a 26-year-old white guy. You have a factory job, or maybe you work for an insurance broker. Either way, you’re married, probably have been for a few years now; you met your wife in high school, where she was in your sister’s class. You’ve already got one kid, with another on the way. For now, you’re renting an apartment in your parents’ two-family house, but you’re saving up for a three-bedroom ranch house in the next town. Yup, you’re an adult!

Now meet the twenty-first-century you, also 26. You’ve finished college and work in a cubicle in a large Chicago financial-services firm. You live in an apartment with a few single guy friends. In your spare time, you play basketball with your buddies, download the latest indie songs from iTunes, have some fun with the Xbox 360, take a leisurely shower, massage some product into your hair and face—and then it’s off to bars and parties, where you meet, and often bed, girls of widely varied hues and sizes. They come from everywhere: California, Tokyo, Alaska, Australia. Wife? Kids? House? Are you kidding?

Taken straight from an article entitled Child-Man in the Promised Land, this article goes on to explain the “problem” that is the new creation they call the “Single Young Male”, or SYM for short. It goes on to describe the new “man-child” creation that has shirked the responsibilities he father and father’s father held at his age and how he is enjoying a newfound freedom in rebellion of well established “social norms”.

While I can’t agree with the overly bleak outlook “apparently all SYMs are bums and may never learn to be men” … I do agree with this powerful and important shift in social norms.

Another quote I found interesting:

“All woman [want] is security,” she quotes an early Playboy article complaining. “And she is perfectly willing to crush man’s adventurous freedom-loving spirit to get it.”

Truer words have never been spoken! Well … just like how there was a well earned and well deserved women’s rights movement earning women many long denied and well deserved rights and justices, this new age has allowed us new rights and privileges that were deemed as unacceptable a few years ago.

There are certain components which are unhealthy, but overall an article like this helps to explain the male infatuation with Friends With Benefits and the hatred many women seem to have with the concept.

I am happy to proudly say I am a Single Young Male. I am in my mid twenties, make very good money, own and play my Xbox regularly, love to go out, love to drink, own property, have a motorcycle, and am enjoying my independence and freedom while rarely thinking of things like marriage and children. I do aspire to achieve these things in my lifetime, but I don’t see a need to have either one by 26. I guess I’m “living the life”. I think men of the past saw the need of a female to help him achieve things, but with the extreme demands of the new “corporate world”, I think many of us see a wife and kids as a burden or something holding back our personal success.

From my experiences, a lot of comments, and testimonies by friends … the mid 20’s seems to be an extremely interesting and turmoiled time for men and women. On one hand you have women still ready to settle down and have a permanent fixture of the opposite sex in their life, while we … the male … want to f*ck, drink, and play Xbox. The 30’s male seems to be more similar to the mid 20’s female … but maybe thats just me. Maybe in another 100 years it will all work out.

I can be often heard professing examples of how nice of a guy I am. I have attempted to expose my soft and romantic side to the world. I have suppressed the jaded anger that I have accumulated over the years. I have tried to be nice … but no matter what … I guess I will always be the bad guy.

Before I continue … this is dedicated to my sister by another mother … The Comeback Girl … because I just can’t win.

A comment from my recent post made me think, as a Single Black Male, I don’t get a break. I came to this conclusion back in college, and as time goes on … it has gotten better … but we continue to get blamed for the negative actions of our counterparts … until we transform into them … seeing no benefit in being “good”. When I say we … I mean us “good” guys … the nice ones.

Lets examine the transformation of the “nice guy”.

(more…)

Over the past 3 days, been a lot of good back and forth and I think I can officially call The Comeback Girl my sister blog. Its been fun, but I can’t keep up with all of the comments and this is just to much.

Been some good comments and posts in response. I feel like there have been some really intellectual and eloquent statements, but I’m just going to end my participation with some general thoughts … but everyone else feel free to hate me, love me, or just yell at me.

• Some women are just too demanding in my opinion and nothing is going to change them. If they need someone to open their car door, tie their shoes, pay for everything you want, and knock out your rent … I respect that … we just need to remain friends or cut buddies then.
• Communication of your wants and needs are key to the success of a relationship. Guys need to be open about hearing what there girl wants and telling her what you need. Women, you need to realize we can’t read minds, so just say (in a positive constructive tone) what the problem is, and give us a chance to address it. If we don’t, then you have all rights to bounce or complain.
• I will never agree with certain calling rules I have read over the past few days. I do believe in calling, and I will do it and enjoy it, but I refuse to have anyone complain to me if she is not putting in due diligence to call me (at least after “courting”).
• Being busy doesn’t mean I’m not interested. Being busy means I’m busy. If I do nothing with my life and I use the excuse all the time thats one thing … but if I miss Tuesday’s call because the client had some pressing concerns … that me being busy.
• Some of the views I have heard are extremely one sided. At one point I was almost convinced some women thought they needed to do nothing in the relationship except be there to answer their phone. One thing I have not heard at all is what is the woman’s role in things. What is she responsible for? What does she need to do to make the relationship work and prosper?

I think thats it for now. Maybe More later.

I’m a real big fan of Jia TV, a video blog by a cute(I think she’s sexy), funny, ATLien about love, life, porn, and a bunch of other random stuff. This is one of my favorite posts. She lays out some of the clear cut signs that you are just a jumpoff.For those who don’t know … a jumpoff aka cut buddy aka chick I’m f*cking … is someone you have a sex only relationship with. Its not the same as a friends with benefits … because you actual care about this “friend” and they can actually call you for non-sex topics. The jumpoff has one purpose … thats it!

“You and Marcus been chilling hard for a minute … you two dating now?”
“Hell naw girl … thats just my FAB!”

He is always around you. You talk late into the night. You’ve slept with him … as in the same bed … but he didn’t touch you. You have cried in his arms after the guy you were sleeping with dumped you. He has taken care of you when you were sick. He has picked you up when your “man” was tripping. He is one of your best friends.

One problem … he is hopelessly in love with you … and you don’t want to believe it. This is your FAB … aka Fake Ass Boyfriend.

What makes him a Fake Ass Boyfriend though? Boyfriend? Its simple really. Your FAB provides all of the benefits of a boyfriend … companionship, emotional support, paid dates and dinners, all that good stuff … but he gets none of the benefits. While I feel relationships benefit women more than men, there are some benefits for us (*cough* … sex) such as monogamy and … well something … but the FAB gets none. In addition, your probably dating other guys that pale in comparison to this guy, and love to tell him all about it.

Yes … this poor excuse of a man is your FAB. You think he is your friend, your convinced he is nothing more than a buddy, you would even put money on it … but really he is just too soft let his intentions known. Women love attention, time, emotions, and all that soft sh*t. This sucker thinks if he provides them to you long enough, he will eventually win your heart … but this poor chump is mistaken.

As a case study, I will use the #1 FAB of all time … Steve Urkel.  Actually, he had a step up on a lot of these “new age FABs” … because he was quick to tell Laura he loved her.  There was no doubt in her mind.  In Laura’s case, she decided to continue treating Steve as a friend.  Maybe she thought if she acted like it and believed hard enough … Steve would eventually give up his infatuation and become nothing more than a friend.  Poor Steve.

I plea with any woman reading this … please let these poor guys go.  Let them move on and actually pursue someone who likes them back.  The #1 excuse given to me by females when presented with this is “I can’t control him.  If he wants to mow my lawn and take out my trash … thats on him.  He should know I’m not interested”.  But the thing you fail to realize is … this poor guy is incapable of letting go.

These FABs are also known as simps, punks, marks, punk marks, mark ass b*tches, bitch ass marks, punk b*tches, punk ass b*tches, punk tricks, trick ass marks, soft ass punk b*tches, etc.

Women … ready to let your FABs go and become the real man they need to be???
FABs … tired of being a punk b*tch ass mark and have guys like me laughing at you???