Single Black Male

I don’t know why … but its so hard for a girl to keep my interest.

Guess I just jumped into that one kind of quick. No antidote, no interesting story, no joke … right to the point. So lets work backwards on this post … see how that works out.

I have talked to a few other guys, some seem to share this same thing. I don’t dare ask a black women for her opinion, afraid of getting the “All you black men are like that. Can”t commit! Can’t settle down! Just wanna f*ck everything!” speech. While I do think it plagues guys more than women … its a serious problem … for me at least.

Its crazy the amount of times I have just lost interest. It comes like a thief in the night too. Sadly, there is often no warning, no precedent, and no logic. At some point we’re talking, things are good, then suddenly the calls dry up. I’m not proud of it, but I just can’t muster the strength to call the person back.

My good female friend has given me two theories.

The First: Its me. I get bored easily. I need strong conversation, great personality, and a resume that impresses me. In addition, I’m lazy about things, so therefore it takes a lot for me to not be lazy and hold interest.

The Second: I meet and entertain a lot of bucket heads. I have no business really talking to these girls in the first place and I need to do a better job at picking high quality females.

There is some truth in both of these, but my friend is a little to “harsh” … so we’ll just reject both of them.

After a bit of soul searching and analysis … I think I have made a few discoveries.

• I’m lazy in pursuing maintaining contact with females.
• I do entertain the company of several girls I know are worth talking to.
• I hate calling.
• I really hate calling.
• Women just aren’t the priority in my life they used to be. Got bigger “fish to fry”.
• I’m addicted to good, intelligent conversation … and thats not always easy to come by.
• I’m slightly judgmental … so I’m compiling my list of Fundamental Character Flaw’s … although conversation is “good”

I have also noticed a few things that have been helpful in crushing this ADD.

• Females who aren’t afraid to call: This helps me get over my not calling issue. I rarely ignore a phone call and once I have experienced the addicting conversation I crave … calling is no longer an issue
• Females who aren’t pressuring me for anything: I don’t like to be asked about when I’m taking you to dinner next, when you can bogart the calendar, or when I plan to get married. Focus on getting to know me and the reverse. Everything else happens in time.
• Females showing genuine interest: I’m not trying to get played, simped, or used for food or movies. Also, if I think someone is not feeling me, what reason do I have to call and pursue you?

So … hopefully … this doens’t plague me for the rest of my life. Hopefully I’ll meet the person that keeps my interest forever. Also, I’m pretty sure I have Adult ADD by the way (you wouldn’t believe how many times I got distracted just writing this post) … maybe thats the reason … eh.

I know there is someone else who chronically loses interest too. I know someone has some tips, hints, or methods.

I remember back in college actually having to convince some of my female friends the club wasn’t a good place to meet their boyfriend. To me … I was shocked that I had to actually argue this point. I thought it was clear to everyone that the club was for finding one night stands, jumpoffs, and bucket heads … not Ms. (or Mr.) Right.

Why is the club tailored to those looking for temporary love? What is it about the club that is poisionous to the creation of true love? Why is any relationship formed in the club almost always doomed to fail? Simple … the Club Mentality.

I can’t speak for everyone, every club, everywhere, but generally speaking, the club is the definition of … “the frenzy”. There is a lot of liquor involved, its an enviroment solely focused on social interactions between men and women. The music is too loud for conversation. Lights are dim and liquor flows freely. Its one of the few places you can walk behind a female, start grind on her ass … and not break any laws or be arrested. Rules, laws, and social norms that are upheld on “the outside” … simply don’t apply here. Its a different world.

A lot of guys go to the club to take a girl home with them. They are often the most aggressive too. In addition, as a guy, you know more girls are going to be open to conversation as opposed to the “real world” … so you don’t have to worry about “bothering” someone. While physically abusing a girl is still just as wrong, all those overly aggressive moves you had to retire are now allowed and often practiced. Also, for some reason, a fight is now a possibility. While at work your calm, on the road you let people pass you, but in the club … let someone scuff your sneakers or spill your drink … bout to be a misunderstanding!

For the ladies, you know that someone is going to disrespect you. Your ass will be grabbed, someone is going to pull your arm and not want to let go, and somebody is going to be overly aggressive about getting your number. A guy is going to come up to you and start “dancing” … which is closer to sex than anything else, but for some reason … tonight its OK. And while your open to conversation for any “cute” guy who is “acting right” … you also prepared a set of statement for those … “showing their ass”.

In both cases … your not thinking or acting logically. Your not the same person that you are at work, or in the grocery store, or while walking down the street. I know the thought of sleeping with someone I have known for less than 24 hours suddenly seems more appealing to me … personally. And once that liquid courage (alcohol) gets in the system … Mild mannered SBM suddenly becomes … well this post isn’t about me …

Not only is the person you meet at the club not a valid representation of this person, but its hard to take anyone as serious in the club. I’m thinking about different things, the “standards” your getting judged by are significantly different, and honestly … even if I meet Ms. Right … I still might do something stupid and probably will try to cheapen something that could have been nice. Its sad, but its so true.

I will say, there are certain lounges, Happy Hours, and upscale lounges that can provide a relatively healthy meeting place for single individuals … but that isn’t the norm.

Feel me?

What do women want?

A question that has plagued many males. A question debated and argued in barbershops, dorm rooms, strip clubs, and in psychological circles across the country. The basis of a few movies, at least one doctorate thesis, a couple case studies … and a memorably episode of “Save by the Bell: The College Years”.

When it comes to what women want from men, this question gets complicated some people … especially guys … but not all guys. There are plenty of us who have discovered the answer to this a long time ago, but sadly, right now there is some guy who just can’t get a date or is crying over the girl who just dumped him (the punk … where they do that at?) and looks to the sky and crys out to the heavens … “WHAT DO WOMEN WANT FROM ME!?!?!?!?”.

Well, to this sorry brother I will help him out and spell it out for him. I also might educate someone else in the process. You would think one of his friends would have sat him down a long time ago and had a conversation with him about it … but guess not everyone is that lucky.

You might be thinking … “this is going to be deep” or … “this is probably some complicated information” and you need to take notes. But honestly … its so simple. What do women want from us men … Everything.

Yeah … thats it … Everything!

OK, so I will elaborate, because some are probably mad right now (”Whatever … we don’t want everything! He’s talking out his ass”) and some are probably confused (”Everything … thats impossible … what is he talking about”) and then you have those who are already in the know (”Finally … someone said it”).

A woman needs a man to be strong, caring, emotional, distant, hard to get, easy to talk to, available, not too available, funny, serious, smart, cool, “hood”, professional, sexy, good dressing, able to dress down, high class, normal, moral, freaky, clean cut, a little rough, etc., etc., etc. Basically, he needs to be a jack of all trades and master of none.

But here is the thing … its OK. I understood and came to this conclusion years ago. When “talking” to any girl I’m interested in, its easy to provide “everything” (or at least as much as I need to). Any guy who is even half capable of getting women can be all of these things (and fake what he’s not). He’s funny, but not always the comedian. He shows interest, but isn’t blowing up your phone. He is educated, but doesn’t use useless big words. And even if he is not every single thing on the list … he’s damn close.

I’m gonna end this one with a plea to all women. Realize that your perfect guy has everything. Realize that providing everything is hard. We can do it for short periods of time (the courtship period) … but its like sprinting … that sh*t is tiring … and sometimes you just need to walk (after maybe a month in). Also, if you don’t get everything … your not settling … your being realistic!

To start things off … I don’t go around grabbing random asses.  I’m not saying I never did, but that was back in high school (ok … may have done it in college too … but only when liquor was involved).  But this post isn’t just about ass grabbing … its so much more.

My female friends (Only have 2 true female friends) and some acquaintances have continually spoken out against the “agressiveness” of guys when going to a club, lounge, or other “social” scene.  There are several actions that are listed as “unwarranted” and “extreme”, including but not limited to:

• Grabbing ass (booty)
• Grabbing and arm firmly and not letting go
• Yelling loudly at you referring to some physical characteristic (”Hey you … in the pink … with the titties”)
• Yelling loudly refering to articles of clothing (”Hey Parsucos!”)
• Coming up really close (withint 4 inches of the face), with no introduction, to talk
• Pulling one’s Penis out while dancing (True Story!)

And the list goes on …

So I am often asked “Why do you guys do that?  Its such a turn off and I would never entertain a guy that did that!!!”.  Well, I always have the same response.

Someone is reponding well to it … otherwise he wouldn’t do it.

Yes, its that simple.  Not every girl has these standards of respect and acceptable behavior. There are a lot of women (often bucket heads) who respond favorably to it.  If every single girl hated it … no guy would do it!  Its a basic principal of economics and free markets, but you don’t need to know that to figure it out.  Guys don’t do what doesn’t work … how else do you explain the death of Jerry Curls, white Gators, and them Old school perms.

Also, the numbers game comes into play.  If your in a crowded after hours enviroment, as a guy, you are presented with more women than you can realistically talk to in the time given.  What better way to thin the crowds and find “Mrs. Right Now” than by doing something abrasive, then ignoring all the girls that react badly, and put in work on whoever doesn’t slap you.  Whoever is willing to have her ass grabbed and still entertain conversation … probably is lacking scruples, or at least is willing to put them on hold for now.  She might be the one to get in your car after one more drink!

In the end, for those of you truly against this behavior (which does taper off as the years go on … and diminishes at certain types of venues) there is one simple solution to ending it for good … stop responding to it and blatantly carry anyone who tries it … and then go tell all your friends to do the same.  If a guy can’t get some “play” from it … he’ll stop doing it.

Part of me feels like this is common knowledge and I’m not saying anything new … but part of me feels like I hear the complaint too often for that to be true.

Ladies: Does the ass grab do it for you?
Fellas: Is the ass grab working for you?

*Disclaimer* - The name was developed a long time ago at a different point in my life.  I have already introduced the BB moniker to others and don’t want to change it … so if your offended … don’t be and stop crying
                                                                                   - The Management 

To start this one, I have to talk about the percentile ranking. Every guy can be judged in a relatively absolute ranking system that should put us all on equal footing (kind of like the fallacy of APR when shopping mortgages). Its relatively simple, but I’ll explain.

If your in a club (average run of the mill) … how many girls out of 100 would actually entertain conversation with you based on looks.  That number … is your percentile ranking.

Now, its a little more complicated than that. Most guys are instantly hit with a 10%-20% drop which he isn’t responsible for. Not every girl wants to talk. A lot of females go to the club to enjoy the music, or because its her friends birthday, or maybe she has a strict “I don’t meet guys in the club” policy (I agree with her). Simply stated … there is going to be some female who just doesn’t want to entertain conversation with you … that is … unless your a coveted B*tch Breaker!

The B*tch Breaker (BB for short … and forgive the vulgarity of the name, I came up with it back in college and I was a “different” person back then) is the guy who is not (or rarely) affected by that inherent drop. Something about him … his look, his clothes, his swagger … allows him to approach practically any girl and get at least some attention. Married, Dating, committed man standing next to her, gay … doesn’t matter. He is the fabled person who can see a group of girls dancing with each other … utterly obsessed with turning down every guy that approaches them … and break this group of … females.

Everyone should have a BB in the crew (guys that is). He will open doors once closed, he turns impossible mountains into tiny foothills, he is the key to the once locked door. And if he knows of his power, and has decided to use it for good (easing his search for Ms. Right, helping his friend to enjoy their night) instead of evil (living an endless string of one night stands, breaking hearts) … he is also a great friend.

I guess this can apply to females also, but its significantly less significant. Us guys are dumb … and we’re downright imbeciles for an even moderetaly attractive woman. Damn near any girl above a 6.5 (out of 10) is a female BB.

Does this fabled figure exist? Can you (females) think of the time you were determined to not talk to any guy … yet that one person still managed to leave with your number? Are you that BB?