Single Black Male

Its been awhile since I responded to an email.  They haven’t been coming in as often as usual (in addition to a small backlog on my part).  Remember … got a burning question … hit me at sbm@singleblackmale.net.  While I am only one man with one opinion, the comment sections go crazy with good (and equally deplorable questionable) advice.

So … this reader told me:

I’m sure you get a lot of emails asking why black men do some of the things you do. But something happen to me last month that I just have to know the answer to. I’m a black female and I met a black male on line a couple months ago. We met up only after a few online chats and I thought hit it off great. We talked (text actually) pretty much everyday. He came to my place every weekend for three weeks. Had great times watching movies, doing the do. Then all of a sudden poof! Gone! Just like that he was gone no call, no email, no text…nothing. I checked the website we met on and it said that he had logged on just a few days before. So I sent him a message and I got no response. Of course I thought ok this black mutha$(@*a. I was pissed. I got over it and a few weeks passed and I checked the website again and his profile had been deleted.

The question to you: why do black men think black women are disposable????

Now … first I have to say that this one brotha does not represent the actions, views, or opinions of everyone (I do becuase I am The People’s Champ … but thats different) … so don’t say that we, Black men, as a group treat Black women as disposable.  Personally, I try and never disrespect (or carry) anyone like this.  Even my rare one night stands have gotten enduring words and follow up calls (well … except one … but I meant to call her).

But in your case … I will say there are a couple things I noticed that might have devalued your “position” as girlfriend material and made you “disposable” in this person’s eyes.

You met him online

While I do believe in online dating for several reasons, I do also acknowledge that a few sites in particular (MySpace & BlackPlanet come to mind) that lead themselves very much to hook ups and random meetings.  Like The Club Mentality, it can be hard to take people found here seriously.

There was a high reliance on ‘Text Based Communication”

While I am a whole hearted supporter of Embracing Technology, text messages, emails and IMs, when these are the sole forms of communication … it often shows a lack of commitment on someone’s part.  Its easy to juggle multiple women and keep them at bay when voice and actual interaction is avoided.

First date was a “house date”

***Note*** A follow up email from the reader indicated they actually went out 5-6 times before the house date … but I left this in as a warning to the rest of you.

I have all kinds of hatred for dating as it is and some of the crazy demands placed on us men for first dates, but damn it … coming through to the house to watch a movie and f*ck is not a date!  Unless someone is cooking … its a glorified Booty Call.

You “Hit it Off”

I can attest to the fact of being able to fake “hitting it off” in order to achieve more sinister goals.  Its hard to tell genuine interest from “I just gotta keep smiling for like 2 more days so I can hit” mentality … but thats a whole post on its own.  Ain’t there a book on it?

So … those few things can put you on a path that you don’t want to be on.  If your just looking for a good time … no problem … but if you want a loving and lasting relationship … you need to watch out for a couple of our tricks … just don’t go crazy and get yourself overly paranoid about every man “not doing enough” … like some people I know (yeah … I’m talking to that one person … and she knows who she is).

And lastly … don’t let this one guy ruin your view of all black men.  I’m pretty great myself and there are plenty around looking for a good woman.  Just gotta watch out for the “bad ones”.

Now that I’ve spit my piece … SBM Fam … preach.