Single Black Male

“Where is the love?”

Yes … where is the love.

I don’t know how many people watch the fights, bickering, name calling, and overall destructive behavior that often unfolds itself everyday on the comments section.  If you do … you might be mentally drained such as myself.

Its funny how often it seems the comments of a few (with one person in particular) can often incite attacks disguised as “defence” from others.  Its funny how the flamers, the attackers, the “mean people” aren’t ignored and laughed at … but instead given the fuel that they need to bring everyone else into the daily yelling match.

Some of the words, insults, and deragatory terms I have seen aren’t sutable for public consumption … and it shames me to think that they were used from one Black man to a Black womana and from one Black woman to another.

So … what does this have to do with Black dating, love, and relationships … well … it serves as an example of one of the core problems affecting relations between Black Men & Women everywhere.



Why is it when one man grabs your ass inappropriately, all men are unfairly labeled as no good dogs that treat women as objects?

Why is it when one woman makes a comment about loving money and wanting her rent to be paid … all women become gold diggers?

Why is it when one man cheats on his wife with an ugly person, all men are suddenly no good liars that can’t be trusted?

Why is it when one woman make outrageous claims of her man while giving nothing, all women are suddenly selfish b*tches?



I know that a lot of my theories do rely on some generalizing, but I also don’t feel like I walk around holding every women to some of the things that I say and believe.  I don’t feel the need to snap and go crazy on every dumb and stupid comment I hear from member’s of the opposite sex … there are better things to do with my life.

Its hard to put my finger exactly on the core of the problem. Maybe people need to personally take the “higher road” more often. Maybe everyone should just exercise my “chill” lifestyle. Maybe its something deeper that we can’t fix ourselves … wait … naw … thats a cop out.

I love to debate … I love to have intellectual arguments that use evidence to prove a point.  I don’t go insulting someone’s paygrade.  I don’t belittle someone for their weight. I don’t go insulting someone because of their children. I don’t need to insult someone for their choice in who they sleep with.

So … to the people who know I’m talking to them … grow up.

To everyone … everywhere … just take the high road sometimes.  Not every battle is worth fighting, and when you start treating people like Kings & Queens instead of bitches & niggas … everyone benefits.

Just had to get that one off my chest …

Sorry for that little hiatus. Besides the fact that there was just way too much going on … I also didn’t mention I was going to Puerto Rico for the past couple of days. I’m so relaxed now … so relaxed.

So, a faithful reader sent me an email saying:

Ok she was kicking it with a dude like 2 years ago, and some how the ex got hold of her phone and searched her current mates number and called it. The guy ended up breaking it off with her because of this phone call. She dunno what her ex said to him but she figure it was something along the lines of why you callin my woman type deal.

She really liked dude and til this day she wonders what coulda been. She feels like she didnt get a chance to plea her case about what happen and she needs closure but he wont return calls, or respond to emails. If you was him what would you do? would you give her a chance to explain. I mean I know females come a dime a dozen but this one mighta been a keeper and her ex fucked it up. Can you atleast hear her out??

Honestly, I don’t have no sympathy for the chic. Maybe its my Ice Cold demeanor … maybe its the lack of emotions … maybe its some deep seated misogyny … who knows.

Personally, the whole situation is highly suspect. How does your ex of 2 years get your phone? Why does he know the name of your current “mate”? What did you do to him that was so foul that he feels the need to call and warn this new person? How serious was your “situation” that he cut you off without so much as a “break up” call?

The whole thing reeks. I really don’t trust the girl as some innocent person and if whatever the ex said was good enough … then so be it. I am generally a firm believer of cutting people off. I am also a believer of cutting people off without an explanation if they don’t deserve an explation.

Sorry … but I guess your girl just didn’t deserve an explanation (and know the “She really liked dude” carries no weight)!

“What happened to you yesterday … you were supposed to give me a ride to the shop. I had to take 5 buses and was 3 hours late”
“Yeah man … this girl I was trying to get at hit me up to go out”
“WTF man … H.O.H. Man!”
“H.O.H.???”
“Homies over hoes … ya punk bitch!”

Bro’s before Hoes is the classic adage we are all used to … but being a huge fan of The Boondocks (the comic was so much better than the cartoon … more of a message) I drew my inspiration from a recent episode. While the episode was actually poking fun at a homosexual rapper, they helped to bring to light an important creed that all men need to live by.

I grow tired, annoyed, and downright enraged at these guys who put their girlfriend, current love interest, or random jumpoff from the club before and above well established friends and/or family. Pussy and many women are temporary, but the guy who picked you up off the ground after getting your ass whooped in the 5th grade has earned a permanent fixture in your life, so don’t forget it. Out of all the ways a guy can put women before his friends … there is one case that disgusts me to the core of my soul: the girlfriend who replaces all of your friends.

When a man finds a good women its a good thing. He has found someone who is worth adoring, spending time with, and loving … but why does this person have to replace your well established friends. Why can’t she be integrated with the rest of your friends? Why can’t we all go out every once in awhile? Why can’t she see her friends while you come hang out? Why …

I have one friend who is a shining example of doing it right. I love his girlfriend (sure … I knew her beforehand … but eh). She comes out with us, but doens’t restrict him from coming out, and while I don’t see him as much as before, I still keep in touch and can go chill with my friend. Also, he still plays wingmen and will take the ugly one (although too often he fights taking the busted one) when we go out because he knows he’s got someone at home. To you my friend … I salute you.

But to all of you other simping, punk bitching, whack ass, go against your friends, sumbitches … STOP IT!



And to close things out … here is the video that inspired the post!

Here is a scenario given to me by a reader. This one was a head scratcher.

Ok here’s the deal. I have a friend, who’s just a friend, who’s married and his wife is cheating on him and I’ve been talking to him about his problems telling him he shouldn’t give up on his marriage, etc., etc., telling him he should go to counseling go to his pastor etc etc…

Lately we’ve been on the phone all day everyday and it’s clear that we’re falling for each other … but he’s married.

My question is like is this for real or is this a transference of energy. He’s everything i prayed for … or so he appears to be. We haven’t done anything, like even kiss or hug, the connection is purely emotional … nothing physical.

My other question is what should i do? I would never tell a man to leave his wife because that’s wrong and I would never intentionally start dealing with another woman’s husband because it’s bad karma, but at the same time I can’t help how I feel and he can’t help how he feels … if you know what i mean. They’ve been married for 2 years and were together 10 months before they got married. Time doesn’t matter, because if it’s Gods hand at work it could be 2 days as opposed to 10 months, but I’m so confused at this point.

Do i walk away to avoid being caught up or do I let go? Or should I let him leave her and be with me? How will he receive favor in God if he leaves her? She did committ adultery first … but two wrongs don’t make it right … although it does make it even?

Signed,
An Unintentional Mistress

This one really made me think. There definitely is the concept of the heart wants what the heart wants … and if the wife is cheating on him … I have no sympathy for a scantankerous scuttle-but like that … but … marriage is something to be upheld and if it can be fixed … that is a good thing (right …?).

Well … I think there are two options … two extremes in this situation … because I just foresee a middle ground working out. Essentially … you need to be with him or you need to leave him alone. Lets examine both in detail.

Fall Back …

At this point, with him trying to fix his marriage … not sure you can remain “friends”. Honestly, its going to be hard for him to work things out with a wife who is cheating on him when he has a good woman (assuming your a good woman … and you must be … cause you read my blog) talking in his ear every night. Its gonna be hard for him to stick it out when the temptation of something better is just so close. If you really want him to work out his marriage … your going to have to significantly diminish your roll as a confidant (read: talk to him like once a week).

Fight for what you want

Well … this woman he is married to doesn’t really sound like a good person or someone who deserves him.  I am all for the sanctity of marriage … but some women are just not deserving of a good man. In addition … we all have some basic rights to do what is personally best for us. If the chemistry is really as strong as you perceive it may be worth your while to put yourself out there and make a serious “move”.

Honestly, I just don’t see you successfully keeping this “friendship” going at this point. You have a strong desire to be with him (”everything I prayed for” is pretty serious talk) and if he is trying to salvage his marriage … your going to make things significantly difficult for him. Also, with him having such a significant role in your life and the tension … it will make your own personal search for love difficult also. Something needs to change …

I’m really going to need help on this one. But as always … the most important part of asking me for advice … is the 50 people who hate me and will tell me I’m wrong … lol.

When I bought my motorcycle I was visiting my friend and talking to her mother. She wasn’t really in support of my recent purchase, but did conclude with “well … its good you get it out of your system now … because your wife will make you give it up when you get married!”. I chuckled and made some joke about it not being anytime soon … but it did make me think … will I have to give up my motorcycle for Mrs. SBM?

I thought about writing about my motorcycle and one of the possible reasons I might have stop riding (outside of horrific accident, a good friend dying, or me getting bored … as usual), but then it led my mind to think bigger. What kinds of things might my potential life mate ask me to give up? What kind of things will I want her to stop? Do I have any right to ask her to stop popping her gum when around me? Can she really ask me to give up motorcycle riding (we know that’s a no … too many groupies)?

I think some things are ok … but somethings are just asking too much. Here is the official SBM list of acceptable and unacceptable sacrifices to be demanded.

Things you shouldn’t ask your mate to give up:

• Watching TV
• Playing Video Games
• Cooking “too much”
• Riding a motorcycle (if they had it when u met them)
• Working at their current job
• Chewing with their mouth open (let it go)
• Wearing sneakers (don’t change his style)
• Stop wearing pink shirts (you knew he was metro when u met him)
• Going out with their friends
• Model Trains (If he/she is into that)
• Giving you great oral sex
• Always wanting to give you great oral sex
• Bringing their girlfriend over for a threesome (if she is a girl)
• Rubbing your feet then liking in between the cracks
• Giving you head in the car
• Letting you watch the game/your show/victoria’s secret fashion show … in peace

Things your shouldn’t feel bad about asking your mate to give up:

• Smoking in your house
• Coming to your house and dirtying up the place
• Not giving you oral sex (slob on that knob … like corn on the cob)
• Stealing from you
• Lying to you .. all the time … even about what time of day it is (”I said its 10pm and I don’t care if the sun is rising! Don’t you trust me!”)
• Taking out loans in your name and letting them default
• Cheating on you and bringing the people to your house for food after
• Cuming in your mouth Tricking you into doing something when Aunt Flow is visiting
• Smoking crack
• Selling crack
• Pretty much anything related to large quanities of crack or cocaine (I’m from DC … gotta include it)
• Ejaculating in your eye and saying “you see me coming”
• Constantly trying to smell your dick
• Coming into the bedroom with a dildo telling you (the guy) … I want to show you something
• Bringing friends from work for a threesome (if he’s a guy … cause thats gay)
• F*cking your sister … repeatedly
• Pimping hoes … like literally selling women’s body for money
• Taking your car, going out and committing a series of felonies, then picking up a “side person”, have sex in your car, and then bring back the car and deny the funny smell, weird stains, or the warrants for arrest that are now coming in your name.

This is just a little guideline … but I think you get the idea. Some stuff is cool