Single Black Male

When I bought my motorcycle I was visiting my friend and talking to her mother. She wasn’t really in support of my recent purchase, but did conclude with “well … its good you get it out of your system now … because your wife will make you give it up when you get married!”. I chuckled and made some joke about it not being anytime soon … but it did make me think … will I have to give up my motorcycle for Mrs. SBM?

I thought about writing about my motorcycle and one of the possible reasons I might have stop riding (outside of horrific accident, a good friend dying, or me getting bored … as usual), but then it led my mind to think bigger. What kinds of things might my potential life mate ask me to give up? What kind of things will I want her to stop? Do I have any right to ask her to stop popping her gum when around me? Can she really ask me to give up motorcycle riding (we know that’s a no … too many groupies)?

I think some things are ok … but somethings are just asking too much. Here is the official SBM list of acceptable and unacceptable sacrifices to be demanded.

Things you shouldn’t ask your mate to give up:

• Watching TV
• Playing Video Games
• Cooking “too much”
• Riding a motorcycle (if they had it when u met them)
• Working at their current job
• Chewing with their mouth open (let it go)
• Wearing sneakers (don’t change his style)
• Stop wearing pink shirts (you knew he was metro when u met him)
• Going out with their friends
• Model Trains (If he/she is into that)
• Giving you great oral sex
• Always wanting to give you great oral sex
• Bringing their girlfriend over for a threesome (if she is a girl)
• Rubbing your feet then liking in between the cracks
• Giving you head in the car
• Letting you watch the game/your show/victoria’s secret fashion show … in peace

Things your shouldn’t feel bad about asking your mate to give up:

• Smoking in your house
• Coming to your house and dirtying up the place
• Not giving you oral sex (slob on that knob … like corn on the cob)
• Stealing from you
• Lying to you .. all the time … even about what time of day it is (”I said its 10pm and I don’t care if the sun is rising! Don’t you trust me!”)
• Taking out loans in your name and letting them default
• Cheating on you and bringing the people to your house for food after
• Cuming in your mouth Tricking you into doing something when Aunt Flow is visiting
• Smoking crack
• Selling crack
• Pretty much anything related to large quanities of crack or cocaine (I’m from DC … gotta include it)
• Ejaculating in your eye and saying “you see me coming”
• Constantly trying to smell your dick
• Coming into the bedroom with a dildo telling you (the guy) … I want to show you something
• Bringing friends from work for a threesome (if he’s a guy … cause thats gay)
• F*cking your sister … repeatedly
• Pimping hoes … like literally selling women’s body for money
• Taking your car, going out and committing a series of felonies, then picking up a “side person”, have sex in your car, and then bring back the car and deny the funny smell, weird stains, or the warrants for arrest that are now coming in your name.

This is just a little guideline … but I think you get the idea. Some stuff is cool

Someone sent me this as just a random video on youtube that was funny, but I couldn’t help but think of the bigger issue behind the concept.

To those who can’t or don’t care to watch it, here is the story:

- Man comes back from club
- The girlfriend has been sent pictures of her boyfriend talking to another women by her best friend
- In order to dispel her suspicions … she demands her boyfriend to drop his pants and let her smell his dick (operating under the premise it still smells like pussy)

Generally speaking its a bootlegg music video and the general ignorance of the song is the reason I weep for hip hop (although I am still a Webbie fan), but there is a significantly more important question it made me thinkg about …

Does his refusal to let her smell her dick imply that he was guilty?

Generalized further …

Is the defense of “you should trust me” and “I’m mad you asked me that” a valid defense, or does this just mean your guilty?

I’d answer the question … but honestly … I’m not sure

It’s 1965 and you’re a 26-year-old white guy. You have a factory job, or maybe you work for an insurance broker. Either way, you’re married, probably have been for a few years now; you met your wife in high school, where she was in your sister’s class. You’ve already got one kid, with another on the way. For now, you’re renting an apartment in your parents’ two-family house, but you’re saving up for a three-bedroom ranch house in the next town. Yup, you’re an adult!

Now meet the twenty-first-century you, also 26. You’ve finished college and work in a cubicle in a large Chicago financial-services firm. You live in an apartment with a few single guy friends. In your spare time, you play basketball with your buddies, download the latest indie songs from iTunes, have some fun with the Xbox 360, take a leisurely shower, massage some product into your hair and face—and then it’s off to bars and parties, where you meet, and often bed, girls of widely varied hues and sizes. They come from everywhere: California, Tokyo, Alaska, Australia. Wife? Kids? House? Are you kidding?

Taken straight from an article entitled Child-Man in the Promised Land, this article goes on to explain the “problem” that is the new creation they call the “Single Young Male”, or SYM for short. It goes on to describe the new “man-child” creation that has shirked the responsibilities he father and father’s father held at his age and how he is enjoying a newfound freedom in rebellion of well established “social norms”.

While I can’t agree with the overly bleak outlook “apparently all SYMs are bums and may never learn to be men” … I do agree with this powerful and important shift in social norms.

Another quote I found interesting:

“All woman [want] is security,” she quotes an early Playboy article complaining. “And she is perfectly willing to crush man’s adventurous freedom-loving spirit to get it.”

Truer words have never been spoken! Well … just like how there was a well earned and well deserved women’s rights movement earning women many long denied and well deserved rights and justices, this new age has allowed us new rights and privileges that were deemed as unacceptable a few years ago.

There are certain components which are unhealthy, but overall an article like this helps to explain the male infatuation with Friends With Benefits and the hatred many women seem to have with the concept.

I am happy to proudly say I am a Single Young Male. I am in my mid twenties, make very good money, own and play my Xbox regularly, love to go out, love to drink, own property, have a motorcycle, and am enjoying my independence and freedom while rarely thinking of things like marriage and children. I do aspire to achieve these things in my lifetime, but I don’t see a need to have either one by 26. I guess I’m “living the life”. I think men of the past saw the need of a female to help him achieve things, but with the extreme demands of the new “corporate world”, I think many of us see a wife and kids as a burden or something holding back our personal success.

From my experiences, a lot of comments, and testimonies by friends … the mid 20’s seems to be an extremely interesting and turmoiled time for men and women. On one hand you have women still ready to settle down and have a permanent fixture of the opposite sex in their life, while we … the male … want to f*ck, drink, and play Xbox. The 30’s male seems to be more similar to the mid 20’s female … but maybe thats just me. Maybe in another 100 years it will all work out.

Here is another reader submission.

What if your boyfriend has a high sex drive (he wants to do it everyday)? You thought you had a healthy sex drive ( I prefer about 3 times a week), but you can’t keep up and it’s causing problems between you and your man. What should a woman do?
Signed
Three Times (a) Lady

As a guy who really likes sex … I want to say “give in … just eat more clams” … but my advice would suck then

As with almost anything else involving relationships … I think compromise is going to be the key. If he wants 7 times a week, then its going to be hard for 3 times to suffice. Personally, I would start by getting that number down from 7. Even I as a virile young man don’t want to f*ck 7 times a week (I thought I did in college … but I grew up and started working). If you try talking about it and come up with a good number in between … it might be win win.

Also … luckily with sex … there is a lot of room for compromise. There is “sex of the mouth” and “manual stimulation” that may be able to hold him over on come of the other nights.

Lastly … there are plenty of ways to increase your sex drive. Try some aphrodisacs (spanish fly, clams, tiger penis … I hear, and they say viagra works for women too!) and try some new things. Sex in public … new orifices (and don’t say “ewww”) … some role play … and more stuff that I don’t want to put out there publicaly.

I think if you really like this guy … your gonna have to talk about it … but your going to have to work with him. Sex is extremely important for men. I learned from a college level sexual education class that men are hornier because of biological reasons (hormone levels) … so one of the worst things you can do is ignore it or just assume “he’ll be ok … its not that important”. If you don’t address … he is libel to leave you or cheat.

“You took her on 5 dates, didn’t even get a kiss, and now u want to buy here a diamond bracelet … Your a simp”

I have been using this term in posts for months … let me explain it just a lil.

Captain Save-a-ho (Captain for short), buster, punks, soft ass m*therf*cker … all of these term are synonyms for a simp. He is no one you want to be and is hurting things for every man (and woman). He is one of the greatest threats to an efficient black dating market.

First and foremost, I can’t take credit for this term. Three 6 Mafia and Hypontize Minds have been using it for years, along with plenty of other southern rappers. More notable, E-40 and T-Pain and even Ne-Yo have put the term on the major radio stations. I have been using it for years though, as its an epidemic running through the black community.

A simp is the supposed “dream” of many women, and the butt of many male jokes. He gives “his” woman anything she wants, and more. He spoils her, asks for nothing in return and seems to have no goal in life except to make “baby girl” happy.

Whats the problem you ask …  he is just “too much”. He never has his own opinion and is gives into every fit, tantrum, complaint, or request that is given to him. Its sad and pathetic.

Think of the guy who won “I Love New York 2″. He is the embodiment of what I’m talking about. He was willing to let New York walk all over him, say whatever she wanted, and he would still run out and buy her some Gucci loafers and rub her feet. He gave up his penis … such a shame.

Here are some examples of “simp behavior”. If you or your friends are exhibiting 2 or more of these symptoms … immediately stop dating and email me for immediate help.

You bought her a Tiffany’s bracelet for Christmas, and she got you socks (because the Prada purse she bought herself the week before set her back) … but you see nothing wrong.

All your male friends avoid you like the plague … because all you talk about is what you bought “baby girl” last week.

Your going into debt trying to support the lifestyle your “girl” is into.

Your always eating p*ssy (performing cunnilingus), but you get a funny look every time “reciprocation” is mentioned.

You are giving her elaborate dates (para-sailing, trips to Brazil, Helicopter rides) … and she always gives you a nice hug as a thank you.

You get off the phone with “I love you” and she responds “yeah … your cool too”.

So if someone you know has given up his manhood and traded in his penis … sit him down, tell him “Stop Simping”, and then beat him senseless until he is ready to man up …

And BTW … simping is not good for women. Who wants a punk?