Single Black Male

“I said I love having sex … but I rather get some head” - Three 6 Mafia

To anyone who doesn’t know, respect, and understand the importance of oral sex in 2008 … kill yourself (said in true Three 6 fashion)

Don’t get me wrong … sex is great. Sex is wonderful. It can be an emotional and soul connecting experience. It can raw and rough ending with two people tired and smiling. It can get real freaky and elaborate … and its one act that aims at mutual satisfaction (everyone gets off) … but lets be real … its trumped by good head anyday.

When I was younger (middle school or early high school … years before I started having sex either way) I read an sex article written by some woman. It forever changed my life. She said “A man who can f*ck well is great … but not special. There are plenty men who can give you good sex. But … to find a man who can give good head … thats special” (quote paraphrased from memory).

I took this to heart. When I got my first girlfriend, I honed my skill. I also mentally convinced myself I liked giving head (which I still do to this day). To this day, I get no bad reviews … I keep adding to the “skill set” … and I still love it. So … to sum it all up:

Reasons I love giving head

• Nothing sounds better than to hear your name while the other person is in a fit of pure ecstasy.
• Its one of the most unselfish sexual acts I can think of … shows the other person I really care about their enjoyment.
• The look on their face afterwards is priceless.
• They know I care about them on some level.
• I can do more with my tongue.
• Something about when their whole body just starts the shaking … whew.
• At the end of the day … I really enjoy the other person “finding their happy place”.

Reasons I love getting head

• Uh … its head.
• The tounge and hand can do a lot more.
• I can be lazy, sit back, and just enjoy myself.
• If you need more reasons than that … you’ve never gotten good head before!

Does the rest of the world adore oral sex the way I do? Anyone else knows the best way to say “I Love You” is by making some toes curl?

Here is another reader submission.

What if your boyfriend has a high sex drive (he wants to do it everyday)? You thought you had a healthy sex drive ( I prefer about 3 times a week), but you can’t keep up and it’s causing problems between you and your man. What should a woman do?
Signed
Three Times (a) Lady

As a guy who really likes sex … I want to say “give in … just eat more clams” … but my advice would suck then

As with almost anything else involving relationships … I think compromise is going to be the key. If he wants 7 times a week, then its going to be hard for 3 times to suffice. Personally, I would start by getting that number down from 7. Even I as a virile young man don’t want to f*ck 7 times a week (I thought I did in college … but I grew up and started working). If you try talking about it and come up with a good number in between … it might be win win.

Also … luckily with sex … there is a lot of room for compromise. There is “sex of the mouth” and “manual stimulation” that may be able to hold him over on come of the other nights.

Lastly … there are plenty of ways to increase your sex drive. Try some aphrodisacs (spanish fly, clams, tiger penis … I hear, and they say viagra works for women too!) and try some new things. Sex in public … new orifices (and don’t say “ewww”) … some role play … and more stuff that I don’t want to put out there publicaly.

I think if you really like this guy … your gonna have to talk about it … but your going to have to work with him. Sex is extremely important for men. I learned from a college level sexual education class that men are hornier because of biological reasons (hormone levels) … so one of the worst things you can do is ignore it or just assume “he’ll be ok … its not that important”. If you don’t address … he is libel to leave you or cheat.

A lot of women like to say “I’m a player” or “I’m treating these guys just like they treat us”. They come to this conclusion because they sleep with a bunch of guys and feel like they don’t get emotionally attached and are just using these people for d*ck. They claim they “control their sexuality” and identify with Samantha of “Sex and The City” (yes … I do like and I watched the show) … but sadly … 95% of them are mistaken. To that mistaken majority … listen to me now:

YOU ARE A HO!

I’m just tired of these girls who are really promiscuous and loose thinking they are doing something special. Your not! Just because your capable of sleeping with a lot guys does not make you special. Some call it a double standard (because a guy who can sleep with a lot of women may very well be a player) … and it may be … but then again life is filled with double standards. Fresh manicures are necessary for men. Short hair looks better on guys. Paying on the first date is almost a requirement for males. Accept them.

To be a female player, there are certain requirements to be called a female player. Here is a small list of criteria defining the “Female Player”:

You have a solid “team” of highly desirable men

You can’t be a player if you only have one guy. And you can’t be a player if your guys are all the people nobody wants. Any women who considers herself a player, needs to have at her disposal a group of men that genuinely want her, show it, and she is not just sleeping with. You can sleep with people on the team … I’m not saying that … but if they’re staying around because of sex (as a woman … its almost impossible for you to know this) … then your not a player (and you might be a hoe in his eyes) … but if its not the case … you might be a player.

You don’t have to sleep with a guy to get dinner, dates, and attention

Its easy to get sex from a guy. Often times we’ll sleep with anyone as long as their willing. Having money spent on you is significantly harder, but still not that hard. A lot of guys, especially simps, are quick to spend money. When you get a combination of time & money, thats significant. Time being the key thing … as guys, we’re stingy with it … so to get a lot of time without giving sex for a prolonged period of time (2+ months) from several people … you might just be a player.

Your guys stay “in the game” for long periods of time (3+ months)

I personally suffer from Relationship ADD and am quick to lose interest. I know this happens with plenty of other males … so if you find that the people you are “entertaining” stay around for extended periods of time (without sex … cause sex will keep me around for ages) … then you might be a player.

Your guys say they love you and show it

“We don’t love them hoes” … a famous quote by Snoop Doggy Dogg and a general law of the land for men. If your a hoe or thought of as a hoe … then he should not and probably will not show you real love. If your people truly love you … you might be a player.

Your guys get mad and upset at you

Hoes and jumpoffs are not worth getting upset over. We might be mad that the “free p*ssy” is over, but general we’re not going to expend that type of energy over a “second class citizen”. If the people on your team express hurt, caring, anger, disappointment, and other emotions his friend will clown him for … you might be a player.

I hope this was useful to the women out there … because this one is to you. I’m just tired of hos thinking their special (and not all women are hoes … I’m specifically talking to the hos) because the title of player is not easily earned.

Just to argue the other point … there are plenty of guys thinking they are players (many of them simps in reality) … and I will touch on that subject shortly.

This is a reader submission who was looking for a male point of view on something she was dealing with. There was a little description of the situation and some questions … I included my responses right after. If there is something you want me to write on, check the Need Advice page

Lets say you were working towards serious relationship with a woman, possibly dating exclusively for 2 months. Then during a casual conversation, she mentions that the person she lost her virginity to is currently her male best friend. As her boyfriend answer these questions.

“Would you be uncomfortable with the fact the he is still a close friend?”

It depends on what you mean by a “close friend”, when you slept with him, and the situation that ensued. If its obvious to me that you still harbor feelings for this person and he seems to have feelings for you, or there is any question about the “platonic-ness” of your friendship … then yes … I’m uncomfortable. Generally speaking, guys don’t have platonic female friends … its pointless. If he deflowered you just once and it was more of “I need it and trust you” … then maybe … but if you were in love … then I don’t want him around.

Would be upset that she waited 2 months into the relationship to tell you?

Well … I should be on my ball about this stuff. If you have a really good friend that is male and is around you all the time, I should inquire about your history with him. If you actively tried to hide him and your history with him … then I would be more than upset … I’m heated!

Would you be uncomfortable if you and the best friend were in the same room?

I don’t know if “uncomfortable” is the word, but I do feel funny being in the room with anyone who has f*cked my girlfriend (or even just the person I’m sleeping with now). Generally speaking, I don’t want to be around this person.

Generally, as a man I can’t help but be territorial. To know that this other person has “invaded” my territory just bothers me … deep in my core … unless he is gay now or something like that.

Are there any other reaction you may have that I didn’t write a question for?

I personally don’t trust ex’s. I know anytime I have participated in questionable activity (I’ve never cheated on a girlfriend … but …) its usually with an ex of some sort. Its easy to sleep with someone you have slept with.

In addition, you never really stop loving a person. Things change, but deep down, love just doesn’t die. If this guy was your first partner and your first love, then its going to be extremely hard for me to think of him as just “your friend”.

Besides as Biz Markie said “and you say he’s just a friend” … but we all know how that story ended …

Got a question and want to get my opinion along with those of plenty of commentors and the internet as a whole … Let Me Know …

“You took her on 5 dates, didn’t even get a kiss, and now u want to buy here a diamond bracelet … Your a simp”

I have been using this term in posts for months … let me explain it just a lil.

Captain Save-a-ho (Captain for short), buster, punks, soft ass m*therf*cker … all of these term are synonyms for a simp. He is no one you want to be and is hurting things for every man (and woman). He is one of the greatest threats to an efficient black dating market.

First and foremost, I can’t take credit for this term. Three 6 Mafia and Hypontize Minds have been using it for years, along with plenty of other southern rappers. More notable, E-40 and T-Pain and even Ne-Yo have put the term on the major radio stations. I have been using it for years though, as its an epidemic running through the black community.

A simp is the supposed “dream” of many women, and the butt of many male jokes. He gives “his” woman anything she wants, and more. He spoils her, asks for nothing in return and seems to have no goal in life except to make “baby girl” happy.

Whats the problem you ask …  he is just “too much”. He never has his own opinion and is gives into every fit, tantrum, complaint, or request that is given to him. Its sad and pathetic.

Think of the guy who won “I Love New York 2″. He is the embodiment of what I’m talking about. He was willing to let New York walk all over him, say whatever she wanted, and he would still run out and buy her some Gucci loafers and rub her feet. He gave up his penis … such a shame.

Here are some examples of “simp behavior”. If you or your friends are exhibiting 2 or more of these symptoms … immediately stop dating and email me for immediate help.

You bought her a Tiffany’s bracelet for Christmas, and she got you socks (because the Prada purse she bought herself the week before set her back) … but you see nothing wrong.

All your male friends avoid you like the plague … because all you talk about is what you bought “baby girl” last week.

Your going into debt trying to support the lifestyle your “girl” is into.

Your always eating p*ssy (performing cunnilingus), but you get a funny look every time “reciprocation” is mentioned.

You are giving her elaborate dates (para-sailing, trips to Brazil, Helicopter rides) … and she always gives you a nice hug as a thank you.

You get off the phone with “I love you” and she responds “yeah … your cool too”.

So if someone you know has given up his manhood and traded in his penis … sit him down, tell him “Stop Simping”, and then beat him senseless until he is ready to man up …

And BTW … simping is not good for women. Who wants a punk?