Tag Archive for 'Sex'

Thursday’s Feature: Gimme some head!

Published
by
SBM
on September 18, 2008
in Guest Post
. 246 Comments

I know I talk about head a lot … but … I mean … what else am I gonna talk about?  Palin? And this time it’s not me … so its OK.

Anyways, this post comes from FunkyBlackChick and gives a brief glance into the importance of not just oral sex … but being sexual open and “spicing things up”.

Being a self confessed “freak” myself … you know my thoughts on the subject.

Enjoy

-SBM

———————————————————————

I’m Here About The Blow Job

Let me set up the scenario.

I have a friend and three years ago I introduced him to a female coworker of mine. I wouldn’t say that this particular coworker and I were close friends outside of work, but we did hang out occasionally. Throughout my moving & travelling, I always kept in touch with him over emails & random phone calls, but I lost contact with her, or received a ‘hi’ through him from her.

Yesterday, he happened to catch me online via Instant Messenger, he tells me he has some bad news. I ask him, “OK, well what is it?”.

D: It’s your girl, yo.
Me: What about her?
D: I think I might have to break it off with her?
Me: ?
D: It’s boring in the bedroom.
Me: Well have you told her this?
D: We talk about it all the time and its frustrating?
Me: So what do you mean boring?D: She doesn’t want to try new things?
Me: Ok, well a lot of women aren’t into anal? Yuck!
D: Yo, I’m not talking about that shit!
Me: Well then, what else is left to try?
D: She doesn’t like BJs!
Me: Whoaaaaaa! Are you serious?
D: We’ve been together for three years, and she’s never done it to me! So I’ve recently stopped going down on her!
Me: Wow…well yall just need to talk about it..and I don’t think this is something you should break up with someone over.
D: She’s a germ-a-phobe! She even makes me take a shower before. No spontaneity at all!

I’m not going to get into the whole convo, but my thing is, how important is a BJ? I told him maybe she’s saving that aspect of sex for marriage or maybe she’s had a bad experience. Also, I asked him if he dealt with it for 3 years, then what’s making it more of an issue now?

So, if you were in this situation….What would you do? Do you leave a relationship because your partner doesn’t partake in Oral sex? Feel free to chime in (that goes for the lurkers as well).

They still make you?

Published
by
SBM
on September 9, 2008
in Sex
. 405 Comments

***Admin Note***
New Poll Up.  One night stands … What you think?
*****************************

I was sitting one night on my balcony enjoying the lake and sipping on a night cap.  The exact thought process leading me  to my next though is irrelevant … but I soon found myself reliving a memorable scene from college …

SBM: “You don’t do what?”
Anomaly: “I don’t give head”
SBM: “You don’t do it anymore you mean? What happened?”
Anomaly: “I’ve never done it.  It’s disgusting.  It’s slimy down there and there are all kinds of juices … yuck”
SBM: “WTF man.  Hey … Fiend (another roommate) come out here”
Fiend: “What’s up?”
SBM: “You eat p*ssy, right?”
Fiend: “Like a champ” (Fiend is a stone cold freak BTW)
SBM: “Me too.  How is it Anomaly never has and says he never will”
Fiend (Looks at Anomaly): “N***a … what! You are 23 and it’s the 21st century … What do you mean you don’t eat pussy???”
Anomaly: “Its nasty”
Fiend: “Man up n***a!”
SBM (Shaking head): “Anomaly … your a grown ass man dawg.  I bet you expect to get head though.”
Anomaly: “Yeah!”
SBM: “My brother … that’s just selfish.  How can you ask for what you won’t give?”
Anomaly: “Been working for me so far”
Fiend: “This is a sad day … I’m going back to my room”
SBM: “Damn Shame!  They still make people like you?”

Yeah … do they still make people like this?

Now, I understand that not every male is going to be utterly obsessed with performing this act like me, but how can anyone male or female just refuse to do it?  I mean … there was a whole sexual revolution in the 70’s (so I heard).  The stuff people consider normal nowadays would make even the most liberal 60’s parent cringe in horro … and your telling me you won’t lick a clit or hum on some balls?

Well … this is Social Darwinism at its finest.  These sick individuals will eventually be eliminated from the gene pool as no one will produce offspring with them.  Who would want to raise their children in a world without head?  I can bring no child into a world like that!  But at the core of the issue … a person’s refusal to give head boils down to one thing …

Its f*cking selfish!

If you can’t endure 10-30 minutes of something you don’t enjoy for the happiness of someone else … why should I do anything for you?

Have I pleasured some women who didn’t deserve it … yes.  Have I given more than I received … probably so.  But I know at the end of the day that I brought joy to someone else (well … I like doing it too … but that’s irrelevant) … and someone screamed, shook all over, yelled “Jesus” smiled as a result of my actions.

So … I say to you .. the SBM family … my brothers … my sisters … go home tonight and show that special someone how much you appreciate them.  Lick that love button until she quakes throughout her body.  Deep throat until he gets light-headed and needs to sit down.  You are personally making this world a better place and I thank you on behalf of all humanity!

Feel me?

Bald Kitty Movement

Published
by
SBM
on August 26, 2008
in Sex
. 215 Comments

I talked about the importance of a woman’s hair just a few days ago … but now I’m here to talk about the subject … just in a slightly different … light.

This came up in the comments a few days ago … but I felt I needed to take a little time and expound on my personal thoughts.

I know my views aren’t going to be received by everyone, I know some are going to disagree, and I know some may even make personal attacks on me as a result … but if any of that bothered me … I’d be a p*ssy!

So let me just say it …

A Woman’s Vajay-jay should be hair free!

Yes … I said it.  But since everyone hasn’t been convinced of my infallible wisdom yet … lets list some reasons why hairless is the way to go.

So … here are SBM’s reasons to support the bald kitty movement (BKM).

Let the truth be shown

So … lets say there are some crabs, or bumps, or something weird going on.  As a guy (or experimental woman), you want to make sure everything is good to go so you don’t come up with something that you didn’t have before you went down.  Hair less exposes the bare skin and any possible warning signs.

Easy Cleaning

No hair to hold onto sweat, dyes of your underwear, or residue of the honey lubricant lotion you were using last night.  Just run a wet rag over it and your good to go.

Fun to Pet

Maybe its just me … but I just prefer rubbing on smooth skin than hair.  Sure you can play with the hair more, make little dreadlocks, roam in the forest … but ultimately … its the same reason guys like shaved legs.

No Hairballs

I have said on this site many times and I will say it again … SBM loves to eat cooch pleasure women.  A lot.  I mean … I can’t even say the most times I’ve done it in a day because its already the joke amongst my friends.  So … with the amount of time I’m spending down there … I don’t want any hair in my mouth, throat, teeth, or wherever.

It Looks Better

Generally … I’m not someone who likes to stare at the vajay-jay … but … a well shaven one can sometimes be a work of art … just beautiful.

So … if you have hair (and are a woman) shave it off.  This does not apply to guys! I know there are some who disagree … but a bald eagle does not work on men … just keep it trimmed (of course no one likes hairy balls though).  Look at pornstars …

Join the Bald Kitty Movement. Go and get those brazillian waxes.  Run to your pharmacy and get that naire.  Ladies … you can do it.  SBM believes in you!

Making Love …

Published
by
SBM
on August 5, 2008
in Sex
. 142 Comments

Making Love: A passionate and emotionally charge fit of sexual intercourse. Often contains a feeling of union between the individuals and ends in mutual sexual satisfaction. Performed between two people with strong emotional attachment.

F*cking: Placing a penis into a vagina.  Repeating until someone (or both parties) orgasm, get tired, or just don’t feel like it anymore.

Personally … I am a love maker.  I like to kiss … I like to sleep with people I have a emotional attachment too … and I enjoy all the little details and touches that go into making it all a memorable event.  Goes back to me being a hopeless romantic I guess.

I might be worst than your average person.  When I get really into it … I go all out.  Candles in her favorite scent.  Rose pedals on the bed.  The same R&B I can’t stand playing in the background … all that good sh*t.

Then the act.  I’m not gonna rush … ohhhh no.  I like to worship a woman’s body.  Let her know that my inevitable release is the last thing on my mind.  Make sure she knows how beautiful she is to me.  Let her know that this isn’t mere sex.  Make her and this moment burn into her memory … and make sure to pleasure all her senses.

Oddly enough … this same thing has gotten me in trouble.

For a long time I just couldn’t find a true place for a good f*ck.  “What do you mean your tired, its only been 90 minutes”.  “Grab your hair … I wanna run warm bath water down your back”.  “But how can I look at you if your bent over?” (ok … thats I lie … I’ve always loved doggie).  Yeah … apparently doing too much too often just isn’t good.

So while my heart always will lust for those hours long sessions with deep passionate kissing and looking longingly into the eyes of my lover … I have finally figured out that 20 minutes on top of a table in a hotel room is whats really needed some of the time.  Sometimes that quickie is all we both really need.

I think it was all those black love scenes in movies.  Love & Basketball, Brown Sugar, Love Jones!  Warped a young brother’s head.

So to all those in my past looking for fast & hard and got soft and long … my bad.  I got better.

Do you always need that soul touching love making or can just “breaking that back” suffice?

SBM Guide to Getting Head

Published
by
SBM
on August 4, 2008
in Sex
. 138 Comments

So … your laying there with your significant other (or your FwB, Cut Buddy, or one night stand) and thinking to yourself “Ok … so I know I’m gonna f*ck … but my balls (or clit) are dry.  Man … I sure want some head”.

Now your mind starts to race.  You know there are certain rules to this.  Asking flat out rarely works … unless you are extremely comfortable with this person.  Sure you could just put it in her mouth and hope for the best … but you could be bitten or denied head for years to come.  You could go ahead and just give her some … with the hopes of receiving … but all of us know too often how that scenario plays out (”ummm … you want me to do what now … ha ha ha … suck your own dick!  I got mine!”).

What to do?  How do you make sure you go to sleep feeling orally satisfied?

SBM to the rescue.  Here are a few suggestions to ensure that you go to sleep … “satisfied”.

1. Lay her head on your “pillow”.

You love letting her rest your head on your chest.  Just keep inching her head further south until she’s resting on that little patch of hair right above your “best friend”.  Then, complain about the heat and pull him out … real casual like.  The rest should write itself.

2. Talk about your friend’s great girlfriend who just loves to give head.

The power of suggestion … its powerful.  Your girl wants to be a good girlfriend (or at least move up the ranks from the cut buddy).  You think so highly of your friend’s girl … so maybe it will just motivate her to “do better”.

3. Pop in that all oral porn movie you got.

“Hey baby … wanna watch something with me”.  After watching skilled professionals make kielbabasa sized “things” disappear into thin air … she’ll start thinking “I can do that!  She ain’t got nothing on me!”  Isn’t that competitive spirit lovely!

4. Give her diamonds (ring, tennis bracelet, earrings).

If this one doesn’t work … you need to let her ass go anyway.  To any woman who has received a gift of diamonds and didn’t properly “thank” her man … kill yourself (in the proverbial words of Juicy J).

5. Tell her close her eyes.  Kiss her neck.  Kiss her forhead.  Kiss her cheek. Then right as she anticipates the final kiss … put it on her lips.

Uh … never actually tried this one … but it should work in theory … right?!?!
So … 5 tips on making sure that special someone gives you some “special attention”.  I will admit … these tactics really should only be used on a girlfriend or very serious dating partner.  There is a good chance you might either waste your money, get cursed out, or possbly be laughed at so hard … your “person” swallows their own tounge.

I know there have to be a lot more suggestions out there … my infallible wisdom is limited to just me.  What other methods are there out there?  Any women that can cosign, rebut, or suggest better?  And I know someone has got a story!

So … go out and get some head … your balls shall be dry no more!