Tag Archive for 'story'

The Coochie Crook

Published
by
SBM
on September 23, 2008
in Stories
. 171 Comments

Come everyone … come close as I recant a tale of randomness from the days of yore.  Maybe you’ll learn something … or just laugh your ass off.

I love Atlanta!

I mean I was so so so close to moving there after graduation (I stayed for money … but think I should have gone at times) that up to a year later people were asking me “So how do you like the ‘A’?” I go when I get a chance and love to spend time down there.

I convinced two of my friends to make a trip down with me to experience the craziness that are the strip clubs, the clubs, and the women in the south.  After months of “I don’t got money (even thought these sorry n***s are just as overpaid as me) we jump into a rented Dodge Magnum and prepare for a 10 hour drive into one of the livest cities of the south.  This is going to be a good weekend.

After visits to Morehouse & Spellman, Magic City, Midtown, Atlanta Underground, and the unforgettable “Club Crunk” … we find ourselves enjoying a night out in a club in the relatively upscale Buckhead.  Its me, Anomaly (yeah … the non-pussy eating mofo), El, and Swole (who’s really not that swole) and we’re enjoying ourselves.

I’m on the dance floor fondling some pretty lil southerner as whatever Lil Jon, David Banner, crunk song plays in the background.  All of a sudden El is tapping me in my side (a cardinal sin while putting it on some chic) and makes it known I need to follow him. El is a genius with no common sense, but always interesting. Without a mere utterance to my partner, I quickly leave thinking “He must have found some chicks ready to go”.

He leads me to the balcony area and I find two women and one guy chilling.  He quickly introduces me to everyone, but it’s only one person I’m interested in.  A relatively cute looking 20 something in what appeared to be white spandex pants, cornrows with red highlights, and a tattoo of a cherry on her chest.  In DC, I would keep it moving … but we’re not in DC.

El is telling me about how this guy is a fellow Alpha, but … I just don’t care at this moment.  I’m focused.  Now the small talk starts.

**Wipe Me Down plays in the background**
“I love this song!” I muttered slurred while starting to move
“You like to dance?” My new target asks.
“That’s why I came down here.  Women in DC don’t really dance.”
“Then lets dance”

For the next 2 hours I spend copious amounts of time with this female.  Learning about where she is from, where she is staying, why she visited Atlanta … all that good stuff.  We laugh.  We dance.  I hustle a free drink and give it to her.  I leave … I come back. We talk more … you know … the usual.  For some odd reason El stays close and I dismiss him multiple times, but I don’t let it phase me.

The night is coming to an end and the club is closing.  I look around to find her and see her against the wall with a rose in her hand.

“Damn” I mutter too myself. “Some motherf***er is trying to undo my work”

But … this is SBM.

I run over and catch the rose guy as he prepares to stop working.  Some swift talking gets me a rose … and a second rose at a 80% off discount.  I run back over to my target for the night.

“I know you got one rose … but I know two is better”

She smiles at her gift.  We exchange numbers and I ask her what she is doing immediately after the club … with a purpose in mind.  I’m laughed for my forwardness and told “I’ll call you”

DAMN!  Awww well … I had fun.

Long story short … in an hour … my phone rings.

Longer story short … I leave my friends with the car keys and GPS and say “I’ll find a way home” (We’re leaving the next morning at 8am BTW).

Even longer story short … I had a good time in the “A” after finding vacancy at the Park Hyatt downtown.  I stumble home minutes before leaving … grinning.

In the car on the way back:
“So what happened?” Swole asks
“I got into to her car, she didn’t want to go back to her friends place.” I reply.
“Man … El was pissed.” Anomaly chimes in.
“Why would he be mad?  I mean … some girl play him?” I chuckle.
“Uhhhhh … no n***a! You took the girl he was trying to talk to.” Anomaly says
“Me?” I respond bewildered.
“Yeah you! Who you think bought her that rose?” Swole informs me

Damn … I didn’t even know.

So I call El (who lived in Atlanta) and apologize.  I had no idea he was trying to talk to the same girl.  Apparently he had bought her like 2 drinks and had been talking to her well before me.  I guess I kinda stole the girl right from under him.

Luckily … we’re guys.  He said he didn’t mind and wasn’t mad.  We still joke about it to this day.

So … moral of the story … call dibs!

Beautiful Black Hair

Published
by
SBM
on August 20, 2008
in Laws of Attraction
. 83 Comments

**Site Note** New Poll … Whats more important to you?  Sex or Conversation **End Note**

I responded to an reader submission before where a young lady was upset at the person she was dating, who didn’t approve of her change in hairstyle.  Initially it was long and straight, and she decided to keep it natural and curly.  The ensuing problems were interesting, but we already talked about that.  The thing that really stood out to me about the email was the last sentence …

I didn’t think hair was that serious for men

WHAT!!!

Now … those of you who really know me know that I am not a very shallow person.  But … holds major weight when judging woman.  Bad hair can knock a dime to a nickel or take a possible butta-face and turn her into something you might actually want to take out in public.  Hair can work miracles.

Have you ever seen those movies or sitcoms where they take a nerdy girl and turn her into a stunner.  They only do three things to bring about this complete transformation …

1. Take off glasses.
2. Let hair fall to shoulders (they always have silky straight hair … but its always in a ponytail).

Thats it!  Hairstyle instantly turns the boring girl who you might cheat off of into the girl your passing notes to trying to cheat on your girlfriend with.

Lets illustrate this with a personal story.

I went to a friend’s cookout a long time ago.  There was a girl there who seemed cute, but I didn’t think much off.  As the night progressed we found ourselves arguing opposite ends of the same argument (oddly enough the topic was men and chivalry).  While I didn’t agree with her on anything, and her chill clothes and ponytail didn’t impress me … the ferocity with which she argued and the logic in her arguments activated my intelligence fetish and I found myself exchanging information with her later that night.

We chatted and texted, but I nothing seriously happened.  She was that intelligent and cool girl who was … alright.  Then one day she proposed we do sushi and since I was free … I obliged.

I came to pick her up … and she came out with what looked like hair straight out the salon.  It was short, straight, and shoulder length, but kind of fell into her eye the whole night as we talked.  Nothing special … but was doing wonders for her.  She instantly jumped 5 points in my book and soon succumbed to the full force of the Billy Dee like game (which got activated) … very much because of the way those 8 hairs fell across her face when she got into my car.

I love an extreme assortment of hair styles, but I think short and naturals are starting to win me over … and I still detest weaves.  Don’t let a girl with short hair looking good come around me … I would do some of the nastiest things to her body treat her like the queen she is.

I know I’m not the only guy who feels this way!