Single Black Male

“Man … I bought that girl a drink and didn’t even get the number”
“Ha ha … you simp ass b*tch”

This conversation occurred so many times in college its not even funny. I tell people to this day that me and all my friends had an official policy about buying drinks for women while in school, and for the years following … don’t do it!

I can actually remember the first time I bought a girl a drink that I didn’t know. I was in Atlanta and had just graduated, so early 20s. I had already signed my offer letter and knew how much I would be making, so I was living on credit and enjoying life (don’t worry … I had an internship and . I was spending plenty of money on myself … strip clubs … alcohol … you know … the usual.

Basically … I was chatting it up with this pretty young thang … hitting her with the Billy Dee like game. At some point she hints that I need to buy her a drink (something like “I need to get my night started”). At this point … time froze … and I was forced to think quick. Do I give her an excuse, potentially throwing away all the good game I had spit and time I had invested (about 15 minutes … but hey … time is time). So … I asked for the number right then and there … knowing in my head her response would govern who paid for her drink. She put them and her name into my phone (I think its still there too) … so I got her an Apple Washington … and unbeknown to her … she popped my cherry.

I had to physically have the number in my possession before I felt comfortable buying a drink. And trust … little has changed.

Why do I need to buy a woman a drink if we are having good conversation and you are interested in me? Do you need verification that I have money? Are you incapable of buying your own drink? Or is it a power play to see what you can get from me?

In support of my “Don’t buy em drinks” campaign … I have all kinds of stories from female friends. One friend got the drink, ducked under the guy’s arm, and yelled thank you over her shoulder as she headed back to the floor. And there are a million more where they guy got little to know acknowledgment or a half assed thank you

I could go on for days about this one … but basically … at the end of the day … I just don’t know you well enough to spend my money on you. Most women don’t go around giving handjobs to everyone that asks or talks to them … so why should I come out my pockets when all I have is a name and a blurb about you?

If I came in with you, or I know you from outside the club … completely different. I have little problem with it. But there is little you can say to me in 15 minutes of conversation for me to roll the dice for $15 at you being in the small percentage of quality.

And please believe … I’ll be a Trump Tycoon individual still giving girls the stink eye when they ask for drinks!

A lot of women like to say “I’m a player” or “I’m treating these guys just like they treat us”. They come to this conclusion because they sleep with a bunch of guys and feel like they don’t get emotionally attached and are just using these people for d*ck. They claim they “control their sexuality” and identify with Samantha of “Sex and The City” (yes … I do like and I watched the show) … but sadly … 95% of them are mistaken. To that mistaken majority … listen to me now:

YOU ARE A HO!

I’m just tired of these girls who are really promiscuous and loose thinking they are doing something special. Your not! Just because your capable of sleeping with a lot guys does not make you special. Some call it a double standard (because a guy who can sleep with a lot of women may very well be a player) … and it may be … but then again life is filled with double standards. Fresh manicures are necessary for men. Short hair looks better on guys. Paying on the first date is almost a requirement for males. Accept them.

To be a female player, there are certain requirements to be called a female player. Here is a small list of criteria defining the “Female Player”:

You have a solid “team” of highly desirable men

You can’t be a player if you only have one guy. And you can’t be a player if your guys are all the people nobody wants. Any women who considers herself a player, needs to have at her disposal a group of men that genuinely want her, show it, and she is not just sleeping with. You can sleep with people on the team … I’m not saying that … but if they’re staying around because of sex (as a woman … its almost impossible for you to know this) … then your not a player (and you might be a hoe in his eyes) … but if its not the case … you might be a player.

You don’t have to sleep with a guy to get dinner, dates, and attention

Its easy to get sex from a guy. Often times we’ll sleep with anyone as long as their willing. Having money spent on you is significantly harder, but still not that hard. A lot of guys, especially simps, are quick to spend money. When you get a combination of time & money, thats significant. Time being the key thing … as guys, we’re stingy with it … so to get a lot of time without giving sex for a prolonged period of time (2+ months) from several people … you might just be a player.

Your guys stay “in the game” for long periods of time (3+ months)

I personally suffer from Relationship ADD and am quick to lose interest. I know this happens with plenty of other males … so if you find that the people you are “entertaining” stay around for extended periods of time (without sex … cause sex will keep me around for ages) … then you might be a player.

Your guys say they love you and show it

“We don’t love them hoes” … a famous quote by Snoop Doggy Dogg and a general law of the land for men. If your a hoe or thought of as a hoe … then he should not and probably will not show you real love. If your people truly love you … you might be a player.

Your guys get mad and upset at you

Hoes and jumpoffs are not worth getting upset over. We might be mad that the “free p*ssy” is over, but general we’re not going to expend that type of energy over a “second class citizen”. If the people on your team express hurt, caring, anger, disappointment, and other emotions his friend will clown him for … you might be a player.

I hope this was useful to the women out there … because this one is to you. I’m just tired of hos thinking their special (and not all women are hoes … I’m specifically talking to the hos) because the title of player is not easily earned.

Just to argue the other point … there are plenty of guys thinking they are players (many of them simps in reality) … and I will touch on that subject shortly.

I know no one can tell from this blog, because I have become a smooth, billy dee like individual, capable of good conversation and expressing his mind. This wasn’t always the case, and deep down in me … there lies a nerd.

Look at the resume. Studied Computer Science & Economics, did 5 internships as a software developer (electrical engineer in one) and currently work as a software developer. Got like all kind of tech toys, computers, and the sort. While I have plenty of interests that keep a good balance … there is definitely a inner nerd.

So how does this pertain to women. Its never come up as a minus for me. I have found that women actually like someone who can fix their computer … lol. But … it affects the things I look for in women.

I yearn for a nerd. I mean a programming, really high tech cell phone, slashdot reading, computer building, 3 computers in the house, can talk compilers type of nerd. I want someone who knows what polymorphism is, can differentiate SQL Server from MySQL, and can tell me the benefits of open source. I want her to talk code to get me in the mood.

for (i=0;i < 10: i++) kissMe(); …. Oooooohh Baby

So while this is not one of my “requirements” for a woman, it would be nice.

Alas, I have pretty much given up on this as a goal in life. Specifically to find an attractive black women who is a programmer … is like a one in a million shot. I thought I had found one … but she couldn’t even read Java. I knew of two back in College, (that counted as attractive, black, and programming) … but there were various reasons why those didn’t take off. (more…)

I’ve never been afraid of dropping hints about the type of women I like. A few times I’ve made mention of my love for women older than me. One of my commenter’s, Tiffany, asked me to elaborate on this … so here is my investigation. Young women need not apply!

Before I start, I should clarify “older woman”. For this argument, lets look at 29 and older. This actually cuts out a few years that are older than me, but it will be easier to make my point with this range. Personally, I haven’t really dated anyone under 25 in awhile, but usually I am in the upper 20’s, but went all the way to the upper 30’s once. And I dealt with plenty of young 20 somethings in college … so I’ve run the range. I don’t want people to think I’m some young guy in his mid 20’s looking for 50+ women to take care of me.

Lets examine a couple of the major age groups, until we finally work our way up to those beautiful older women.

18-23 Women
Often in college or recently out of high school. She doesn’t know what she wants in life often and is still discovering herself. Sometimes she is lively, fully of energy, and looking to explore and see new things. She can be so much fun.
But … she is often immature and childish. Because she is discovering herself, he sense of self may be lacking. She doesn’t know what she wants, you can never read her, and she loves to play games. She loves to play games. She consults her “girlfriends” on everything, she is self consumed, and puts little value in the qualities that make a “good man”. She often wants someone to spoil her without her having to give anything in the relationship. Poor and misguided.
Here you will find women who love the asshole, the thug, and the wannabe gangster. Earning potential, manners, and acts of romance aren’t important … she is at her most superficial.

24 - 28
She has now realized what it actually takes to make a Good Man. She has some sense now (more…)

Sometimes I feel like I don’t write enough about me.  While my aim is to share theories, concepts, arguments, and ideas on relationships and dating in a biased (yes … biased) but universally applicable form … I think I need to let everyone know about me every once in awhile.

For those who read my posts and comments, I probably come off in a “certain light”.  People probably think I’m overly picky about women, going through their backgrounds with a fine tooth comb, looking for potential problems, and double checking their credit score and the accreditation of their last school or complaining about how their are so few good women out here.  I bet people also think I’m this cold & ruthless “b*tches aint sh*t” type of guy.  I’ve spoke out about my hatred of simps, the fact that chivalry is kind of dead, and my love of independent women … and this might make me out to be a “bad” guy, but I’m going to take some time to set the record straight.

First … about me being picky.  F*ck yes I’m picky!  Looks have never been important enough for me to lament over, but if you don’t have things right in your life, I’m not the person to “build you up”. I like my women independent, working, smart, and strong-minded (while being open to criticism).  But thats not what this post is about … cause that’s true!  But you may be surprised to know that

This Single Black Male is a True Romantic

I know someone is reading this and is saying “HA!  Between him and Anitdater … where can you find more Misogyny”. But I tell you … its true.  And the single biggest reason for me being so picky is that I’m want to make sure I’m not putting all my love and energy (cause my gf’s always get a lot from me) into someone who just isn’t worth it in the end.

I like to give her random gifts.
I like to get her something they like as opposed to whats on sale.
I hate flowers … but if she does … I like to surprise her with her favorite kind and color.
I like giving her a massage … not because I’m gonna get some … because she looks so peaceful when I’m done.
I like (more…)